I have just a few minutes to write a few reflections down since my sweet husband brought Joseph to his bassinet for me.
Joseph is doing well, praise God! Each day with him is a miracle and somehow learning to be a parent to a newborn is getting easier. We are learning each other and it is a beautiful thing to know how to comfort your baby. For so long we prayed for him and dreamed of days with him, so it is just surreal to really be holding your dreams in your arms.
Last year at this time he was our dream - our prayer. This year we are praying to learn how to meet his needs quickly, to be able to comfort him and to make sure he knows us and the deep abiding love and devotion we have for him being a part of our family.
Being a new mom was hard for me, not because I did not like the sacrifice but because I had to let alot of ideals go. I had to set aside some things because they just did not work for him. We had to discern, pray, and trust that God was leading us in certain ways to care for him. We are so happy he is a healthy and happy baby. He tends to only get fussy if he is fighting his sleep and with diaper changes. I don't really know why he dislikes the diaper changes so much, but he quiets immediatley once he is covered and swaddled :) He has his momma's unhappy cry when she doesn't get what she wants and it breaks my heart.
I love being his Mom and I can still say that I am still wondering how God has brought us here.
Exactly 9 months before he was born, we went to a healing mass. It was that night that I felt my ovaries feeling like they were burning inside of me. Not a terrible pain, just a sensation that was present thought the mass. At the end of the mass, the priest from Rwanda said that someone with my condition/medical concern (IF) was healed. We found out exactly one month later that I was pregnant. So, March 15, April 15, and December 15, 2010 are all very special days to us.
One of the reasons I think that parenting has been more challenging than I expected is because we had some curveballs thrown at us in regard to feeding. Joseph had a difficult time latching on at the hospital and therefore breastfeeding became a frustration for him and when I realized that my idea of how I would feed my baby would not be all roses, I was very emotional about it. We ended up having to supplement with formula for awhile until I could get a good pump and I am pumping exclusively but it is very tiring and hard emotionally and physically. Only after about a week into it, did we realize there was a physical reason he was not able to latch well. It turns out that he has a far, deep palate and my food source for him is not long enough. We are trying to extend these, but it hasn't happened yet. My husband has been so amazaingly supportive through this in helping me find shortcuts by preparing the stuff I need to pump and helping me find time to pump. It has been helpful that he has been off for the last week. I am a bit spoiled with his support right now. I was able to have one of my aunts come over for two days while my husband had to return to work for awhile, but she was here mainly to bring Joseph and I to his well baby visit. My mom is unable to help in the ways we need right now, so we tell her we just need lots of prayers. She has a hard time understanding how difficult it is to feed a newborn this way. We have not even told my in-laws about the feeding because they tend to set me off in ways that are not life-giving for my family. So I am choosing my battles right now.
Anyway, I was not meaning to sound unappreciative of the miracle of our newest family member, but I don't want to say that all is perfectly fine when we are honestly blindly feeling our way around this new vocation we have been blessed with in being Joseph's parents. Sometimes when I am holding him, I forget to talk to him in verbal words because there is just so much my heart is telling him and God about the gratefulness I am experiencing.
In addition to the blessing of little Joseph - my husband and I received another blessing yesterday in being able to have Stacey (from Stacey's Thoughts on Infertility) and her family over to our home to meet Joseph and to let us meet their precious new miracle, Lily. Both of these children were brought to our families in a most miraculous way and we both prayed fervently for one another during our miracle pregnancies. It was such a joy to be in their presence and to see how love and the addition of their daughter has changed their lives. To see answered prayers in the flesh is priceless. I cannot find the right words to express it. The blogs have been such a blessing to me and I am grateful for the amazing friendships God has blessed me with through them. We have seen so many miracles brought about by our prayers for one another and we are still praying for even more miracles to surprise us in 2011!
I am unable to add pictures to my blog right now for some reason, but if you are one of my fb friends, go check out new pictures we have of him.
Blessings to you all this New Year's Eve! Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day as we celebrate my husband's birthday with him being able to hold his son in his arms. His birthday wishes for many years have come true! Praise God!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Our First Christmas
Last night and in the wee hours of this morning, I found myself in tears simply from the awe that we are miraculously a new family of three.
My heart is so overjoyed. I cannot even begin to describe the joy my heart is feeling.
Our new life as a momma and daddy has been challenging, but we are so grateful that we have God as our companion to help us discern how to meet Joseph's needs. He is doing well, resting well, and eating well (after some adjustments)! He is the most spectacular miracle I have ever experienced.
He is the answer to so many prayers & offered sacrifices. Everyone who visited us in the hospital and once we arrived home have met Joseph with tears in their eyes beacuse we have all just had to so much faith trust was going to join our family one day.
I am just so thankful to be Joseph's Mommy. Not just anyone's mommy, but Joseph's Mommy!
My husband has been so faithful, loving, and patient! I have fallen more in love with him in the last 10 days and I never knew that my love for him could grow to these amazing proportions.
I hope to share the story of meeting Joseph for the first time soon! We are smitten! We are so blessed and feel so grateful for God entrusting this little soul to us.
The weather is not great for getting a newborn out, so we are going to cuddle up and stay home today. My mom is a bit disappointed, but understands. We hope to bring him to see her soon, once the weather warms a bit! I am so protective and do not wish to have a sick baby on our hands. He deserves us to make good choices for him and so far God has led us to make the best decisions for him and his health, praise God!
My heart is so overjoyed. I cannot even begin to describe the joy my heart is feeling.
Our new life as a momma and daddy has been challenging, but we are so grateful that we have God as our companion to help us discern how to meet Joseph's needs. He is doing well, resting well, and eating well (after some adjustments)! He is the most spectacular miracle I have ever experienced.
He is the answer to so many prayers & offered sacrifices. Everyone who visited us in the hospital and once we arrived home have met Joseph with tears in their eyes beacuse we have all just had to so much faith trust was going to join our family one day.
I am just so thankful to be Joseph's Mommy. Not just anyone's mommy, but Joseph's Mommy!
My husband has been so faithful, loving, and patient! I have fallen more in love with him in the last 10 days and I never knew that my love for him could grow to these amazing proportions.
I hope to share the story of meeting Joseph for the first time soon! We are smitten! We are so blessed and feel so grateful for God entrusting this little soul to us.
The weather is not great for getting a newborn out, so we are going to cuddle up and stay home today. My mom is a bit disappointed, but understands. We hope to bring him to see her soon, once the weather warms a bit! I am so protective and do not wish to have a sick baby on our hands. He deserves us to make good choices for him and so far God has led us to make the best decisions for him and his health, praise God!
Merry Christmas Catholic Mutt!
I had the amazing honor of praying for Catholic Mutt!!!!
She is a fantastic woman of God and I loved reading her blog during the Advent season, knowing that I was able to personally beg God to comfort her heart. I did a Novena to St. Lucy asking God to help her discern God's will for her life and her vocation. Also, the Novena prayer asked St. Lucy to intercede in helping one see clearly ~ which is what ultimately led me to that novena based on her special prayer request.
I was also able to offer up many prayers on the day Joseph was born. I had lots of fears of the scheduled c-section and the whole prep for it (meds, etc.) and then I was able to offer up many sacrifices once we returned home as I was healing and learning how to be a mother to a precious newborn. We had significant feeding issues so my tears, worries, and never ending trying was also offered up for you, Catholic Mutt.
Wishing you a holy & happy Christmas - you do deserve the best!!!
She is a fantastic woman of God and I loved reading her blog during the Advent season, knowing that I was able to personally beg God to comfort her heart. I did a Novena to St. Lucy asking God to help her discern God's will for her life and her vocation. Also, the Novena prayer asked St. Lucy to intercede in helping one see clearly ~ which is what ultimately led me to that novena based on her special prayer request.
I was also able to offer up many prayers on the day Joseph was born. I had lots of fears of the scheduled c-section and the whole prep for it (meds, etc.) and then I was able to offer up many sacrifices once we returned home as I was healing and learning how to be a mother to a precious newborn. We had significant feeding issues so my tears, worries, and never ending trying was also offered up for you, Catholic Mutt.
Wishing you a holy & happy Christmas - you do deserve the best!!!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Shower Pictures
Full of joy & Joseph!
These are some wonderful pictures from our shower that my dear friend, Maria, took for us at our baby shower for Joseph!
I wish it did not take me so long to post these pictures, but now seems like as good a time as any to share them!
My favorite onsies!!! Thanks Maria!
My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude just seeing everyone who wanted to celebrate Joseph with us!
I could not stop crying when I walked into the door for the shower! I had already prayed 2 rosaries and spent time in adoration before coming to the shower but I could not believe that I was going to a shower to celebrate a life growing in my belly! My heart did constant flip flops throughout the afternoon!
I was so thrilled to see Lynn!
Yummy food!
Showered in love!!!
Flowers added that special touch and reminded me of my prayer companion, St. Therese!
My wonderful friend, Michelle, wrote a poem that Carrie read about lighting a candle in prayer for Jospeh when he was born. There was not a dry eye in the room after the poem was read and every guest took a candle home and prayed for Joseph on his birth-day!
Little diapers filled with nuts :) My mom and aunt made these!
Little pacifiers!
Best cake balls ever!!! Thanks Maria & Carrie!
The cake was so yummy and rich!!! I did not check my sugar after this!
No baby boy in LA can live without his own camo alligator :) Thanks Laurie!
My favorite homemade quilt made by my favorite lady, Lynn!
He has worn this onsie out! His daddy loves it!
Everyone brought a book to build up Joseph's library and this is one of my favorites!
Joseph was definitely worth the wait! I love that little boy who was kicking me that day! Sometimes it does not even seem real that I am his momma and that I was ever pregnant!
Michelle, me, Carrie, and Kim! Joseph is so loved by these three ladies!
What a fun photo!!! There really is a baby in there!!!
My sister-in-laws, Crystal & Tiffany, and my mother in law, Peggy.
We are on top of the world!!! I feel like we are in the movie "up" with all the balloons! Our hearts were so light, it felt like we were flying above the clouds!
A dream come true!
Coming Home
Momma & Daddy are scheduled to bring their New Amazing Life home tomorrow.
What a long-awaited homecoming that will be!* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Those who attended Joseph's Baby Shower were given this beautiful votive candle as a momento. Upon hearing the news of Joseph's birth, all were asked to light their candles and offer prayers of thanksgiving for his little life. Lots of little flames were flickering for that precious miracle this week. Thank you for joining in those special prayers.
Expect to hear from the new momma soon. Her DH is betting she'll be on the computer writing all of you back during Joseph's first nap at home! :)
Signing out ~ Maria (Living in Lewis Land)
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Introducing.....
.....A NEW AMAZING LIFE!!!!!!!
Baby couldn't be more perfect and beautiful.
Momma is glowing, healthy and feeling blessed beyond measure.
Daddy is prouder than a peacock with a twinkle in his eye.
C & J are SO are so thankful for all the prayers and support you all have poured on them and their journey. I know she can't wait to share her perspective, her heart and more pictures once she gets home and settled.
Maria (Living in Lewis Land)
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tomorrow is D-Day!!!!!
Praise God - tomorrow is the big day and we are so joyful to be meeting our sweet boy tomorrow!
Prayers please :)
I am scheduled for a c-section at 7:30 am (CST) since he is not moving down and I think that I might (might) have had two contractions (BH) last Friday and that is it!
I cried tears of joy leaving the doctor's office and my husband thought it was because I was scared . . . nope, just tears of complete joy! We had just seen him doing well on the ultrasound and I was so relieved and grateful that we can meet him tomorrow! Please pray that all goes smoothly and the recovery is speedy! My other special prayer intention is that nursing will go well, especially given that we are having a scheduled c-section.
I will be praying for all of you and your special intentions and offering up all that I can!
Prayers please :)
I am scheduled for a c-section at 7:30 am (CST) since he is not moving down and I think that I might (might) have had two contractions (BH) last Friday and that is it!
I cried tears of joy leaving the doctor's office and my husband thought it was because I was scared . . . nope, just tears of complete joy! We had just seen him doing well on the ultrasound and I was so relieved and grateful that we can meet him tomorrow! Please pray that all goes smoothly and the recovery is speedy! My other special prayer intention is that nursing will go well, especially given that we are having a scheduled c-section.
I will be praying for all of you and your special intentions and offering up all that I can!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
God's Promise
"Before she comes to labor, she gives birth; Before the pains come upon her, she safely delivers a male child. Who ever heard of such a thing or saw the like? Can a country be brought forth in one day, or a nation be born in a single mment? Yet Zion is scarcely in labor when she gives birth to her children. Shall I bring a mother to the point of birth, and yet not let her child be born? says teh Lord; Or shall I who allow her to conceive, yet close her womb? says your God"
Isaiah 66:7-9
Very early in this miraculous pregnancy, God led me to this scripture passage. For the longest time I would just sit with it in prayer for many hours. I would wait for God to reveal a message to me . . . I kept coming back to it and now I am seeing it as God's promise to keep Joseph and I safe!
Thank you all for your prayers, please contine because I feel that this time is such a huge time for me to exhibit extreme faith! I find myself worried about movements and any trauma that can just come and knock me out - emotionally! Praise God for a faithful, loving, and present husband! I could not do this alone!
God of all life, I trust you!
Isaiah 66:7-9
Very early in this miraculous pregnancy, God led me to this scripture passage. For the longest time I would just sit with it in prayer for many hours. I would wait for God to reveal a message to me . . . I kept coming back to it and now I am seeing it as God's promise to keep Joseph and I safe!
Thank you all for your prayers, please contine because I feel that this time is such a huge time for me to exhibit extreme faith! I find myself worried about movements and any trauma that can just come and knock me out - emotionally! Praise God for a faithful, loving, and present husband! I could not do this alone!
God of all life, I trust you!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Not much of an update and more!
Today I got to meet with my local doctor to see if my body is making any progress to indicate that delivery will be soon. Guess what I got . . . nada.
There is no dilation happening, no dropping of this baby - he is simply all snug as a bug in a rug. Sew, what exactly did you whisper to Hannah to encourage to want to see the light of day so quickly??? I need some pointers, haahaa! Just kidding.
I am really patient to a degree and want to trust my body and let it do things on its own, but the last few inches of my incision from the laparotomy is just terrible. It is terrible stretched and hurts at times. Plus this little guy is coming right in around 8 lbs which is not really large but the doctors both agree to not let me go past 39 weeks (which for my calculations will be 12/14 and their calculations, 12/18). The peri said that he would recommend they schedule for delivery to happen between 12/17-12/19. I just wonder how you can throw a date out there, but they are the doctors and I just want to be healthy and for Joseph to be healthy and thriving.
I really don't have a dream in mind of how I wanted to actually give birth to Joseph, I have always just dreamed of meeting him and seeing that he is alive and well! I have braced myself for a c-section, but as time approached found myself thrilled if a vaginal delivery was possible. I am not mentioning all of this so that I can get your opinions or views, I can't take those in or process anything negative right now. That being said I was a little suprised today to hear my doctor tell me that she really doesn't want me to suffer through an induction in the hopes that my body M-I-G-H-T catch up and allow a vaginal delivery even a long one and that would eventually lead to a c-section. She said that if I am not dilated or showing much progress, she strongly recommends that the c-section be scheduled without the induction. She said it would just be easier on my body that trying the induction and then having to resort to a c-section after so much wear on my body. I am glad that I had about a week to think about an induction and possible c-section before this was shown to me. The bottom line is that we trust our doctor and I know that without a shadow of a doubt she is preparing us this way so that the outcome is the most favorable one. We are both praying for a sudden change and that my body will start to prepare for the baby's birth in the most natural way possible.
So, really at the end of this appointment, I leave with a peace of mind and deep in my heart. I have spent the last 10 days or so freaked out about what to do for a L&D plan because I just never let myself go there before because of reasons I can't quite name and because my personality tends to not be one that feels the complete need to control this situation. When it comes to fertiltiy, health, sickness, and infertility, even childbirth and pregnancy - I knew that I am just on this ride that God has set out for me and not in driver's seat at all. No control here, hence my attitude of waiting this advent season. Just for the record, my sweet prayer buddy is being covered in graces from all the sacrifices I am making at this time!
I had the incredible pleasure of going to Mass to celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception at our local Cathedral where Jessy and I were married 10 1/2 years ago. For some reason it did not occur to me that the crowd would be so much larger since it was a Feast Day for the Patron of the Parish, so I just loved being in the presence of so many faithful who really wanted to be there and who sung and prayed with all their hearts. It was surreal for me to walk down that long aisle to receive Jesus in the Eucharist with a baby clearly evident in my large belly. It was amazing and beyond beleif for me to receive Jesus and think that in a week or so I could be a Momma with a newborn in her arms. As the readings today remind us "Nothing is impossible with God!" I was moved to tears singing "Ave Maria" and hearing the words from the readings "your cousin Elizabeth, who was once called barren is now in her sixth month . . . " What a celebration of faith, mercy, goodness, and joy!
Knowing that the Bishop was greeting parishoners as they were leaving Mass, I hung behind and asked him to give Joseph a blessing. Knowing that Joseph will soon be born and the desire that I have for a blessed meeting on the day of his birth, a healthy and safe one . . . I deeply desired this blessing and the Bishop was thrilled to do provide one for our baby. Once again, peace reigned in my heart and I knew that whatever God has in store for us with the arrival of baby Joseph - all will be well and according to His divine will.
The single most important reason I did not want to schedule an induction/c-section was because I did not want my will, my doctor's will, or anyone else's will for that matter to determine the birth or birthday of our baby. I wanted God to choose that. That is why I was in such turmoil since my last visit with my local doctor. Then my husband reminded me to just "Trust". Trust God, trust my doctor, and trust my body. My husband has always led us by trust in God and he has never steered us wrong. So I am trusting. I am not more afraid, I am filled with peace and joy!
So then after the blessing from the Bishop, I made my way to the parking lot and so my friend and I got to chat with her for a few minutes and she was so encouraging - reminding me that a scheduled c-section is not the end of the world, that having a difficult vaginal delivery would not make me any better of a momma, and that c-sections babies are precious, too! Praise God for good friendships.
One day at a time, one kick count at a time :)
Praying for you all during this advent season. I gave myself permission to relax this advent season and not be to harsh on myself - I have been living my Advent for the last 10 years or so and for the the last nine months the meaning of Advent has taken on a whole new meaning!
There is no dilation happening, no dropping of this baby - he is simply all snug as a bug in a rug. Sew, what exactly did you whisper to Hannah to encourage to want to see the light of day so quickly??? I need some pointers, haahaa! Just kidding.
I am really patient to a degree and want to trust my body and let it do things on its own, but the last few inches of my incision from the laparotomy is just terrible. It is terrible stretched and hurts at times. Plus this little guy is coming right in around 8 lbs which is not really large but the doctors both agree to not let me go past 39 weeks (which for my calculations will be 12/14 and their calculations, 12/18). The peri said that he would recommend they schedule for delivery to happen between 12/17-12/19. I just wonder how you can throw a date out there, but they are the doctors and I just want to be healthy and for Joseph to be healthy and thriving.
I really don't have a dream in mind of how I wanted to actually give birth to Joseph, I have always just dreamed of meeting him and seeing that he is alive and well! I have braced myself for a c-section, but as time approached found myself thrilled if a vaginal delivery was possible. I am not mentioning all of this so that I can get your opinions or views, I can't take those in or process anything negative right now. That being said I was a little suprised today to hear my doctor tell me that she really doesn't want me to suffer through an induction in the hopes that my body M-I-G-H-T catch up and allow a vaginal delivery even a long one and that would eventually lead to a c-section. She said that if I am not dilated or showing much progress, she strongly recommends that the c-section be scheduled without the induction. She said it would just be easier on my body that trying the induction and then having to resort to a c-section after so much wear on my body. I am glad that I had about a week to think about an induction and possible c-section before this was shown to me. The bottom line is that we trust our doctor and I know that without a shadow of a doubt she is preparing us this way so that the outcome is the most favorable one. We are both praying for a sudden change and that my body will start to prepare for the baby's birth in the most natural way possible.
So, really at the end of this appointment, I leave with a peace of mind and deep in my heart. I have spent the last 10 days or so freaked out about what to do for a L&D plan because I just never let myself go there before because of reasons I can't quite name and because my personality tends to not be one that feels the complete need to control this situation. When it comes to fertiltiy, health, sickness, and infertility, even childbirth and pregnancy - I knew that I am just on this ride that God has set out for me and not in driver's seat at all. No control here, hence my attitude of waiting this advent season. Just for the record, my sweet prayer buddy is being covered in graces from all the sacrifices I am making at this time!
I had the incredible pleasure of going to Mass to celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception at our local Cathedral where Jessy and I were married 10 1/2 years ago. For some reason it did not occur to me that the crowd would be so much larger since it was a Feast Day for the Patron of the Parish, so I just loved being in the presence of so many faithful who really wanted to be there and who sung and prayed with all their hearts. It was surreal for me to walk down that long aisle to receive Jesus in the Eucharist with a baby clearly evident in my large belly. It was amazing and beyond beleif for me to receive Jesus and think that in a week or so I could be a Momma with a newborn in her arms. As the readings today remind us "Nothing is impossible with God!" I was moved to tears singing "Ave Maria" and hearing the words from the readings "your cousin Elizabeth, who was once called barren is now in her sixth month . . . " What a celebration of faith, mercy, goodness, and joy!
Knowing that the Bishop was greeting parishoners as they were leaving Mass, I hung behind and asked him to give Joseph a blessing. Knowing that Joseph will soon be born and the desire that I have for a blessed meeting on the day of his birth, a healthy and safe one . . . I deeply desired this blessing and the Bishop was thrilled to do provide one for our baby. Once again, peace reigned in my heart and I knew that whatever God has in store for us with the arrival of baby Joseph - all will be well and according to His divine will.
The single most important reason I did not want to schedule an induction/c-section was because I did not want my will, my doctor's will, or anyone else's will for that matter to determine the birth or birthday of our baby. I wanted God to choose that. That is why I was in such turmoil since my last visit with my local doctor. Then my husband reminded me to just "Trust". Trust God, trust my doctor, and trust my body. My husband has always led us by trust in God and he has never steered us wrong. So I am trusting. I am not more afraid, I am filled with peace and joy!
So then after the blessing from the Bishop, I made my way to the parking lot and so my friend and I got to chat with her for a few minutes and she was so encouraging - reminding me that a scheduled c-section is not the end of the world, that having a difficult vaginal delivery would not make me any better of a momma, and that c-sections babies are precious, too! Praise God for good friendships.
One day at a time, one kick count at a time :)
Praying for you all during this advent season. I gave myself permission to relax this advent season and not be to harsh on myself - I have been living my Advent for the last 10 years or so and for the the last nine months the meaning of Advent has taken on a whole new meaning!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Update on the little girl
The sweet little girl that I requested prayers for passed away yesterday. Please continue to keep her and her family in your prayers. There is a tremendous amount of sadness surrounding them.
Monday, December 6, 2010
You better watch out, you better not cry!
I need to keep reminding myself of this and the following lines of not pouting!
I wrote a post yesterday about the fact that some crazy person has taken residence in my body - uninvited, of course.
I have been able to sleep at some points. I have been feeling overwhelmed with all that needs to be done - I wake up thinking about things that are not even essential at this time, but I keep thinking about them.
I also stay hungry - I wake up at 4 am, thinking of things to work on and end up thinking "What am I going to eat for lunch today?" I just lay in the dark, waiting for the sun to rise. I am able to take some naps here and there and that is very helpful. I am ready to go crawl back in bed now, but I have a very full day ahead.
I do have a visit with the perinatologist today. I am also planning to try to go to daily mass later since I ended up sleeping late yesterday and never went to the next town to go to mass. On the upsdie, tons of nesting was done yesterday. My low point yesterday was giving my husband a hard time over the dresser/changing table. It was a crazy time and I hated acting like a brat, but all I could think of at the time was that we may just have a week or so left before J's arrival and I want to not be more scatterbrained than we will have to be when those glorious days arrive.
Prayer buddy - thanks for your prayers! I need them :)
I wrote a post yesterday about the fact that some crazy person has taken residence in my body - uninvited, of course.
I have been able to sleep at some points. I have been feeling overwhelmed with all that needs to be done - I wake up thinking about things that are not even essential at this time, but I keep thinking about them.
I also stay hungry - I wake up at 4 am, thinking of things to work on and end up thinking "What am I going to eat for lunch today?" I just lay in the dark, waiting for the sun to rise. I am able to take some naps here and there and that is very helpful. I am ready to go crawl back in bed now, but I have a very full day ahead.
I do have a visit with the perinatologist today. I am also planning to try to go to daily mass later since I ended up sleeping late yesterday and never went to the next town to go to mass. On the upsdie, tons of nesting was done yesterday. My low point yesterday was giving my husband a hard time over the dresser/changing table. It was a crazy time and I hated acting like a brat, but all I could think of at the time was that we may just have a week or so left before J's arrival and I want to not be more scatterbrained than we will have to be when those glorious days arrive.
Prayer buddy - thanks for your prayers! I need them :)
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Advent Prayer from Pope Benedict - Prayer for Life
The other night, we were blessed with the opportunity to go to our local pregnancy crisis center's fundraising gala. We were both so excited, the friends who offered us tickets are so great and we were thrilled to go! The keynote speaker for the evening was Cardinal Raymond Burke and we were both touched so deeply and profoundly by being there listening to his affirmation for life. It was quite a different place to be, expecting a baby in the next few weeks. I don't know how to explain my reaction or my husband's reaction, but we were both so saddened, in a new level of our being that abortion is taking away precious lives while we have done everything possible to sustain and nurture the little one growing in me.
I have a copy of the Cardinal's keynote address, so email if you are interested in it.
Anyway, our local bishop, prayed the following prayer for Benediction and my heart just swelled with thankgiving - feeling like finally - no one is forgotten in this prayer for life!
THE HOLY FATHER'S PRAYER FOR LIFE
Lord Jesus, You who faithfully visit and fulfil with your Presence the Church and the history of men; You who in the miraculous Sacrament of your Body and Blood render us participants in divine Life and allow us a foretaste of the joy of eternal Life; We adore and bless you.
Prostrate before You, source and lover of Life, truly present and alive among us, we beg you:
Reawaken in us respect for every unborn life, make us capable of seeing in the fruit of the maternal womb the miraculous work of the Creator, open our hearts to generously welcoming every child that comes into life.
Bless all families, sanctify the union of spouses, render fruitful their love.
Accompany the choices of legislative assemblies with the light of your Spirit, so that peoples and nations may recognise and respect the sacred nature of life, of every human life.
Guide the work of scientists and doctors, so that all progress contributes to the integral well-being of the person, and no one endures suppression or injustice.
Gift creative charity to administrators and economists, so they may realise and promote sufficient conditions so that young families can serenely embrace the birth of new children
Console the married couples who suffer because they are unable to have children and in Your goodness provide for them.
Teach us all to care for orphaned or abandoned children, so they may experience the warmth of your Charity, the consolation of your divine Heart.
Together with Mary, Your Mother, the great believer, in whose womb you took on our human nature, we wait to receive from You, our Only True Good and Saviour, the strength to love and serve life, in anticipation of living forever in You, in communion with the Blessed Trinity.
Amen.
I have a copy of the Cardinal's keynote address, so email if you are interested in it.
Anyway, our local bishop, prayed the following prayer for Benediction and my heart just swelled with thankgiving - feeling like finally - no one is forgotten in this prayer for life!
THE HOLY FATHER'S PRAYER FOR LIFE
Lord Jesus, You who faithfully visit and fulfil with your Presence the Church and the history of men; You who in the miraculous Sacrament of your Body and Blood render us participants in divine Life and allow us a foretaste of the joy of eternal Life; We adore and bless you.
Prostrate before You, source and lover of Life, truly present and alive among us, we beg you:
Reawaken in us respect for every unborn life, make us capable of seeing in the fruit of the maternal womb the miraculous work of the Creator, open our hearts to generously welcoming every child that comes into life.
Bless all families, sanctify the union of spouses, render fruitful their love.
Accompany the choices of legislative assemblies with the light of your Spirit, so that peoples and nations may recognise and respect the sacred nature of life, of every human life.
Guide the work of scientists and doctors, so that all progress contributes to the integral well-being of the person, and no one endures suppression or injustice.
Gift creative charity to administrators and economists, so they may realise and promote sufficient conditions so that young families can serenely embrace the birth of new children
Console the married couples who suffer because they are unable to have children and in Your goodness provide for them.
Teach us all to care for orphaned or abandoned children, so they may experience the warmth of your Charity, the consolation of your divine Heart.
Together with Mary, Your Mother, the great believer, in whose womb you took on our human nature, we wait to receive from You, our Only True Good and Saviour, the strength to love and serve life, in anticipation of living forever in You, in communion with the Blessed Trinity.
Amen.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Reflections on the shower & more
I was so very emotional on the day of the shower for Baby Joseph. I remember thinking that for the last 10 years, I have gone to nearly every single baby shower for family and friends with tears in my eyes and my emotions on my sleeves and I am now going to one for our baby in the exact same emotional state.
I really never anticipated that the wonder and awe of reaching this moment in my life would create such a wide array of emotions, so I was surprised. I even had my husband take some time to pray a blessing over Joseph and I before we left home and he anointed us with Holy Water with the blessing. My heart did flip flops the whole way there and I was able to pray 2 rosaries while going there. I even had some extra time, so I went to my favorite little adoration chapel and prayed prayers of thanksgiving for baby Joseph and for the journey that led us to him. I prayed prayers for our blogging community and anyone who was suffering that day with the reality of loss and less than ideal fertility.
I remember walking in feeling like Sam and Nicky were both right there beside me, while Joseph rested peacefully under my heart. I cried. My tears caused others to cry - all tears of joy! Joy from being able to celebrate life! Joy to be able to celebrate new beginning! Joy from many answered prayers. The room was filled with the loving presence of my family's prayer warriors, that alone was worth celebrating!
Joseph's very existence shows the world that God does create goodness and joy from suffering and ashes. A year ago, I was suffering so much from the emotional grief of anticipating the arrival of our expected due date for Nicky that I was unbearable to be around. My focus was on God, but I could not find joy for a long time as I begged him to reveal his plan for our family and why it was necessary for my husband and I to suffer such a tragic loss after waiting so long for new life to be conceived from our love. It was on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe last year, 12-12-09, that God poured out his grace and mercy on me and allowed to me to experience peace in a very real way and approach the upcoming celebration of the birth of his Son, Jesus, with great and true joy. Now, nearly one year later, I am writing this feeling a growing boy in my womb. As undeserving as we are to be his parents, we are so grateful to know him so intimately already just because our love for him is already so great. I can't even imagine how much more in love we are going to be with him once we are able to know him even more fully and see in him the image of our God.
Still waiting, still trusting, and still filled with hope that we will meet this little guy soon and watch him grow up!
God, our Father, you are the author of life. We praise you and thank you for the life of Joseph and for preparing us to be his parents. We ask for your grace to be holy as we lead him to know you! Amen.
Sidenote:
I can't seem to get the pictures from the shower uploaded here, so if you are fb friends with me, you can find them there! Blessings to you all!
I really never anticipated that the wonder and awe of reaching this moment in my life would create such a wide array of emotions, so I was surprised. I even had my husband take some time to pray a blessing over Joseph and I before we left home and he anointed us with Holy Water with the blessing. My heart did flip flops the whole way there and I was able to pray 2 rosaries while going there. I even had some extra time, so I went to my favorite little adoration chapel and prayed prayers of thanksgiving for baby Joseph and for the journey that led us to him. I prayed prayers for our blogging community and anyone who was suffering that day with the reality of loss and less than ideal fertility.
I remember walking in feeling like Sam and Nicky were both right there beside me, while Joseph rested peacefully under my heart. I cried. My tears caused others to cry - all tears of joy! Joy from being able to celebrate life! Joy to be able to celebrate new beginning! Joy from many answered prayers. The room was filled with the loving presence of my family's prayer warriors, that alone was worth celebrating!
Joseph's very existence shows the world that God does create goodness and joy from suffering and ashes. A year ago, I was suffering so much from the emotional grief of anticipating the arrival of our expected due date for Nicky that I was unbearable to be around. My focus was on God, but I could not find joy for a long time as I begged him to reveal his plan for our family and why it was necessary for my husband and I to suffer such a tragic loss after waiting so long for new life to be conceived from our love. It was on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe last year, 12-12-09, that God poured out his grace and mercy on me and allowed to me to experience peace in a very real way and approach the upcoming celebration of the birth of his Son, Jesus, with great and true joy. Now, nearly one year later, I am writing this feeling a growing boy in my womb. As undeserving as we are to be his parents, we are so grateful to know him so intimately already just because our love for him is already so great. I can't even imagine how much more in love we are going to be with him once we are able to know him even more fully and see in him the image of our God.
Still waiting, still trusting, and still filled with hope that we will meet this little guy soon and watch him grow up!
God, our Father, you are the author of life. We praise you and thank you for the life of Joseph and for preparing us to be his parents. We ask for your grace to be holy as we lead him to know you! Amen.
Sidenote:
I can't seem to get the pictures from the shower uploaded here, so if you are fb friends with me, you can find them there! Blessings to you all!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
progesterone questions & updates
The other day, I talked with the nurse from ppvi and she mentioned I could do one more blood draw today but we decided against it, being at 37 weeks according to my calculations and at 36 w 3 days according to the edd the doctor gave me.
She (my local ob/gyn)mentioned at yesterday's appointment that the baby is still really high even though she was able to feel his head - still no dilation. I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that my body is not already preparing for birth. I asked her if she thought the progesterone support was necessary and she said she thought I could stop at this point. I was thinking this is probably keeping him high, although I have no idea if this some stupid idea my crazy mind has come up with.
So the questions are this:
1. At what stage of pregnancy does PPVI or Napro minded doctors typically stop progesterone support?
2. I think that we would have had to stop the shots either tonight or with the Friday shot, does anyone know how this could cause a change for the baby or pregnancy?
Also, at the doctor's appointment, Joseph is growing well and the doctor would like to see me go no further than December 14, 2010 unless he comes sooner. It was a whirlwind of emotions and I am still trying to absorb all of the information presented to me. Prayer buddy, I am asking for prayers for a safe and healthy delivery and that I can have a delivery that I can remember and cherish. Also that the remainder of this pregnancy continues to be life-giving for him!!!
We kept waiting for the crib to be "gifted" to us and for unknown reasons the people who really wanted to get it for us never got it, so my husband suprised me with it last night! Best suprise ever!!!! He is already such a good daddy! Praise God, I know that we are not deserving of this precious blessing, but we are forever grateful!
She (my local ob/gyn)mentioned at yesterday's appointment that the baby is still really high even though she was able to feel his head - still no dilation. I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that my body is not already preparing for birth. I asked her if she thought the progesterone support was necessary and she said she thought I could stop at this point. I was thinking this is probably keeping him high, although I have no idea if this some stupid idea my crazy mind has come up with.
So the questions are this:
1. At what stage of pregnancy does PPVI or Napro minded doctors typically stop progesterone support?
2. I think that we would have had to stop the shots either tonight or with the Friday shot, does anyone know how this could cause a change for the baby or pregnancy?
Also, at the doctor's appointment, Joseph is growing well and the doctor would like to see me go no further than December 14, 2010 unless he comes sooner. It was a whirlwind of emotions and I am still trying to absorb all of the information presented to me. Prayer buddy, I am asking for prayers for a safe and healthy delivery and that I can have a delivery that I can remember and cherish. Also that the remainder of this pregnancy continues to be life-giving for him!!!
We kept waiting for the crib to be "gifted" to us and for unknown reasons the people who really wanted to get it for us never got it, so my husband suprised me with it last night! Best suprise ever!!!! He is already such a good daddy! Praise God, I know that we are not deserving of this precious blessing, but we are forever grateful!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Waiting - Advent - New Lessons
Advent seemed to knock me in the face this year. It seems that the lessons on waiting are not going to end anytime soon. I really thought I have become pretty good at waiting. I thought that I had realized that waiting on God and not forcing my own will and timing was worth the extra sacrifice. Well, I still know it, but I am still having a hard time accepting it with a grateful and generous heart.
For some reason, I have been extremely emotional. Irrational levels of emotion. My poor husband has been very kind about it, even my family seems to understand that that this type of mood seems to just be a timely part of the course for this stage in my life, but I get even more grumpier knowing that I am grouchy and not expressing the true joy and gratefulness that are deeply rooted in my heart right now! I was crying on Thanksgiving night simply because I was so upset with myself for being so emotional and not being able to keep everything in check. Really? This is a new level of crazy, even for me.
There was some really tough moments (hours, if I am being honest) on Thanksgiving that just made my day seem harder than most. It was not the typical family day of festivities and I was not used to that. We were blessed to have dinner with my father in law but he was not in a happy mood and there was no one else there. My mother in law was working, the rest of J's family was elsewhere and it was J and I at the table when we sat down to eat. No blessing as a family, etc. Not like my family thanksgivings at all and then we were off to visit my Mom at the hospital and while she is doing better, it is still extremely tough to see her dependent on a wheelchair and looking exactly like my grandmother in her last years. My mom is only 50 years old. That alone is enough to make someone sad.
The high point of the day was knowing that Joseph was loving the turkey and that next year would be so much different. I had so much to be grateful for everytime is would see my belly squirm or catch my pregnant shadow in a mirror. I really was thankful and my heart was filled with gratitude, just the reality of the situation with out families made it a hard day to not recognize how much we wish some things were different.
There are two other things that really upset me that day and caused me to argue with J and although he said he would be working on those particular issues - nothing has been done yet. This leads me to the reality of truly living out Advent this year. I so want to rush past these days, but know of their great worth. Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice! I nearly chuckled at Mass at how God set my due date at the END of ADVENT!!!! This will be my biggest lesson of my life, waiting on God and not forcing my way! I cannot rush the birth of baby Joseph and I do not have any idea when God wills for him to arrive. All I can do is GET READY!
It is my job not to get drowsy - to stay awake and alert. My job is to simply wait.
Speaking of waiting, tomorrow is my last working day. I keep trying to remind myself that when I am caring for our long-awaited miracle, Joseph, I will be so grateful to be home caring for him. Yet, at this time when I am still having to exercise every bit of trust I can muster in my heart that all is going to be well, I am afraid to have too many quiet moments before that time. Not sure why all of this is coming to the surface now, except that maybe my emotions are having a grand time seeing me grow in faith.
I will see the doctor tomorrow for another biopysical and regular ob check-up. I want desperately to hear that there is some changes that my body is doing to prepare to Joseph's arrival and have some clue as to when he is coming, but I may have to just wait to see what the specialist says on December 6. My phyiscal discomfort has lessened in some areas. My biggest concern is over the bottom parts of my scar tissue/incision from my laparotomy. It is stretched out alot. I do have hip pains and sleep is good, when I can actually find a comfortable positon. I do offer it up - so these pains are still serving a huge purpose! Since last week, I started experiencing some swelling, but with rest and more fluids it seems to improve. If I do alot of running around town, it gets bad. Thankfully the 24 hour urine testing did not show any thing to indicate that I needed bedrest or early hospitalization, praise God.
I am mot meaning to complain, these really are some of the sweetest moments of my life. I still sit in awe that there is a baby growing inside of my belly, in my womb of all the wombs in the world. I still am stunned to silence at his movements and know that there is no other feeling in the world that could make me happier. It sounds so silly, but I think that when labor is upon me and I get to finally meet this little guy - I will truly know what these last months were all about . . . it has been such a mystery, joyfully, of course carrying this sweet baby, but I am still in awe that I will meet our son one day soon.
Blessings to you all this Advent! May this season of waiting renew your hope!
I am looking foward to praying for my prayer buddy! I feel so honoered to be her prayer buddy and can only imagine how wonderful God's plans are for her!!!
For some reason, I have been extremely emotional. Irrational levels of emotion. My poor husband has been very kind about it, even my family seems to understand that that this type of mood seems to just be a timely part of the course for this stage in my life, but I get even more grumpier knowing that I am grouchy and not expressing the true joy and gratefulness that are deeply rooted in my heart right now! I was crying on Thanksgiving night simply because I was so upset with myself for being so emotional and not being able to keep everything in check. Really? This is a new level of crazy, even for me.
There was some really tough moments (hours, if I am being honest) on Thanksgiving that just made my day seem harder than most. It was not the typical family day of festivities and I was not used to that. We were blessed to have dinner with my father in law but he was not in a happy mood and there was no one else there. My mother in law was working, the rest of J's family was elsewhere and it was J and I at the table when we sat down to eat. No blessing as a family, etc. Not like my family thanksgivings at all and then we were off to visit my Mom at the hospital and while she is doing better, it is still extremely tough to see her dependent on a wheelchair and looking exactly like my grandmother in her last years. My mom is only 50 years old. That alone is enough to make someone sad.
The high point of the day was knowing that Joseph was loving the turkey and that next year would be so much different. I had so much to be grateful for everytime is would see my belly squirm or catch my pregnant shadow in a mirror. I really was thankful and my heart was filled with gratitude, just the reality of the situation with out families made it a hard day to not recognize how much we wish some things were different.
There are two other things that really upset me that day and caused me to argue with J and although he said he would be working on those particular issues - nothing has been done yet. This leads me to the reality of truly living out Advent this year. I so want to rush past these days, but know of their great worth. Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice! I nearly chuckled at Mass at how God set my due date at the END of ADVENT!!!! This will be my biggest lesson of my life, waiting on God and not forcing my way! I cannot rush the birth of baby Joseph and I do not have any idea when God wills for him to arrive. All I can do is GET READY!
It is my job not to get drowsy - to stay awake and alert. My job is to simply wait.
Speaking of waiting, tomorrow is my last working day. I keep trying to remind myself that when I am caring for our long-awaited miracle, Joseph, I will be so grateful to be home caring for him. Yet, at this time when I am still having to exercise every bit of trust I can muster in my heart that all is going to be well, I am afraid to have too many quiet moments before that time. Not sure why all of this is coming to the surface now, except that maybe my emotions are having a grand time seeing me grow in faith.
I will see the doctor tomorrow for another biopysical and regular ob check-up. I want desperately to hear that there is some changes that my body is doing to prepare to Joseph's arrival and have some clue as to when he is coming, but I may have to just wait to see what the specialist says on December 6. My phyiscal discomfort has lessened in some areas. My biggest concern is over the bottom parts of my scar tissue/incision from my laparotomy. It is stretched out alot. I do have hip pains and sleep is good, when I can actually find a comfortable positon. I do offer it up - so these pains are still serving a huge purpose! Since last week, I started experiencing some swelling, but with rest and more fluids it seems to improve. If I do alot of running around town, it gets bad. Thankfully the 24 hour urine testing did not show any thing to indicate that I needed bedrest or early hospitalization, praise God.
I am mot meaning to complain, these really are some of the sweetest moments of my life. I still sit in awe that there is a baby growing inside of my belly, in my womb of all the wombs in the world. I still am stunned to silence at his movements and know that there is no other feeling in the world that could make me happier. It sounds so silly, but I think that when labor is upon me and I get to finally meet this little guy - I will truly know what these last months were all about . . . it has been such a mystery, joyfully, of course carrying this sweet baby, but I am still in awe that I will meet our son one day soon.
Blessings to you all this Advent! May this season of waiting renew your hope!
I am looking foward to praying for my prayer buddy! I feel so honoered to be her prayer buddy and can only imagine how wonderful God's plans are for her!!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Showered in love ~ sneak peek! Happy Thanksgiving!
We have so much to be thankful for this year - wishing you all the very best and may your hearts all be filled to the brim with gratefulness~Sidenote: I have been trying to update my blog to include the gorgeous pictures from the shower this past weekend, but I am having significant computer issues. This is what I was able to post so far!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Growth Spurt!
Joseph & I have both had huge growth spurts in the last two weeks!
I have gained 4 lbs in the last two weeks and he is now measuring in at around 7 lbs 4 oz.
He is measuring like a full term baby and I am still not dilated. I think there is a connection to taking the progesterone as recommended from Dr. H and then dilating later in pregnancy. Not sure, but that is my theory. My cervix is still high and closed.
I know that last time I talked about how all of the sudden, pain and discomfort entered the picture for me as I am trying to gracefully let this baby grow, but the pain I discussed before shifted to a new series of issues. Primarly is one of tremendous sensitivity around my belly button and all of the tenderness there. The feelings for that were strong for about 3 days and then it has become more tolerable. Something I have never experienced before when getting out of bed was feeling like gravity was pulling my belly down - like a parachute. It hurts to walk for a few minutes, but if I take it slow, it gets better with time.
There have been so many ups and downs this past week! Let me try to remember them all!
Monday - find out that J is measuring around 6 lbs 13 oz. The peri says not to travel out of town for Thanksgiving. Asks me if I have everything ready for J, not really! He told me to enjoy my shower and get things ready because J may be here as early as the next two weeks, but he is hoping for 3-4 weeks. I knew he was coming, so why am I so shocked? Could it be because I am not ready, oh well! If he is - I will be ready to be his mom! By the way, felt perfectly fine all day! My bp was perfect that day, even though J's hb was only 120 when it is normal 150 or so! I have to admit the lower end of the hb had me concerned.
Tuesday - when the pain from the scar tissue made it difficult to sleep, walk, or get up and down (mainly that night even though there was some pain that presented itself at Hobby Lobby. High point was visiting with some great friends and my mom that day!
Wednesday - really bad pain, worked the whole day though. At times it would ease up and make me think that it was completely gone, for which I would sing praises.
Thursday - had the day off, planned to stay home all day. The house was clean and I just wanted to see if very little activity would reduce the pain. What, is that spots on the kitchen floor and we have people coming over tonight? I clean the floor, fold a load of baby clothes and put them away. Uh-oh the pain returned, although it eased up after sitting for awhile. I call the doctor just so they can tell me it is scar tissue and that all is well. They are likely to return my call after 5 pm. I call at 1:00 pm. The nurse calls me back at 1:40 to tell me that they would be more comfortable sending me to the hospital for monitoring to make sure that all is well and that no contrations have started. I am thinking to myself that I am fine, I would know what contrations feel like, etc. I so want to be disobedient, but good sense kicks in and I make my way to the hospital all by myself. The drive is about 4o min. I tell myself the whole time, I can't be that bad if I am driving myself to the hospital. By the time I make it to the hospital, I can barely walk in the doors. The pain returned from the bumpy, stowed up ride. I get admitted to the hospital and they monitored Joseph for a few hours for fetal hb and movements. They monitor my bp and oxygen levels in blood. As much as I did not want to go to the hospital or seem to acquire more drama - I am so glad I did. Listening to his perfect hb was the best gift! For several hours, I just felt so peaceful KNOWING he was thriving!
Same day - get released from the hospital because all looks good. No dilation or contrations yet, which is supposed to be good but I would like to see this show get on the road. Once I get home, my mil is using our home to host game night for the ladies we meet with once a month. To my great suprise, they bring gifts for J! Lots and lots of amazing, generous gifts! So much gratitude was swimming around in my heart! It turned out to be a fun night, the pain still continued but I knew J was ok, so I was more peaceful.
Friday - crazy, long day at work. The pain was milder and easier to tolerate even with lots of movement. Praise God! We got to go eat dinner with some special friends and their daughter then stopped off at Target to get's J's first Christmas stocking! Jessy had already bought J's first Christmas present a few months ago and it is waiting in his bassinet for him. By the way, when Jessy first came up with that idea, I was smitten all over again :)
Saturday - the baby shower for baby J! Unbeleivable perfect! My friends and family were all so generous, not with just the baby items, but with their time, talent, and treasure! I was overcome with emotion before, during, and even after the celebration! I will be doing a picture post of the day soon! I can't wait to share those with you all! On my way there, I was overcome with emotion. I was early so I had time to pray two rosaries and go to the adoration chapel where I spent so many hours praying for a family! It was a thrill to go to Jesus in such a state of joy and thanksgiving on that day! I kept thinking to myself, I used to cry at others baby showers (before, sometimes during, and after, too) and I am still doing it for my own!!! Now that is grace in action!
We go to visit my mom at the hospital after the shower and have a great visit! Then we head home, completely exhausted. Jessy tells me he is not feeling well. Turns out he is really sick. A elevated fever and showing signs of a 24 hr bug. Yet, he is determined to put together the baby items we received and bring in all the gifts and look at them for the first time! Falling in love with your husband still everyday because of the joy you see in his eyes even when he is sick has to be one of the greatest gifts from God I have ever received! I rejoiced in seeing him be blown away at the generousity of others and feeling so showered in love by their willingness to help us prepare for baby J! By the way, it was today that the pain on the left side eased enough for me to enjoy the day, thank God!
Sunday - stay home, did not even get to go to mass as I was trying to tend to Jessy. Around 3 he begins to feel better and we make a quick trip to visit his brother's family for an early Thanksgiving dinner.
Monday - barely slept the night before because of terrible headache. Fight headache despite busy morning at work and u/s at 11:30. The biophysical u/s went well. There is still a good amount of fluid, the placenta is functioning well, J's movements are good with breathing movements, his hb is at 145 bpm. They tell me he is measuring about 7 lbs 4 oz, which is about a 2 lb gain in the last two weeks. Holey Moley! They are saying I am at 35 weeks and I just know that I am at 36 weeks. I have to go back at 4 pm for the appt with the doctor.
The 4 pm appt does not go so good. When I got there I was miserable. Felt like I was having a cold sweat. I kept praying I did not get what Jessy had over the weekend. Turns out that my bp is not good. My urine from earlier in the day was not good, so I now have to do the 24 urine test and bring it to the lab at 630 am on Wednesday so they can know how to treat me and J before the Thanksgiving holidays kick in! Great. Feeling completely out of sorts, being scared of the possible outcomes of pre-eclampsia, etc. The doctor shows great concern over these issues which she is disturbing because she is normally extremely laid back. She kept trying to exemplify being laid back, but that plan just did not work. I knew that she doesn't want to take any chances with J and I and she clearly told me that she will do all she can to keep us both healthy because she knows just what I have gone through to get to this point! First of all pregnant at all and second of all - a successful, nearly full term pregnancy! I was blown away at her sincerity because she is not normally so direct in a concerned way. She is normally very easy going and this was almost sending up a red flag for me a few weeks ago. So glad the switch happened, even though I don't like the real reason for the extensive concern. I noticed on the day of the shower, it looked like I had no ankles and I have had a decrease in bathroom runs so I can feel so fluid retention, even though I am still trying to drink lots of water to flush out my system. Finally got to come home and rest. I soon felt better, but headed to bed really early, next thing I know, Jessy is tucking me in the covers, grabbing my prayer book out of my hands because I fell asleep during my prayers and turning out the light. I could barely talk clearly, I was so tired.
Today - feeling better. Just recently felt the need to clean the master bathroom. I am going to wrap the christmas presents soon, Jessy just has a few gift cards to pick up for some others and then we are done with the Christmas shopping. I am going to pack my hospital bag today, too. My doctor said yesterday, that if the urine test has a certain outcome, I could possibly be put in the hospital until delivery. If it has a different (less threatening result, I could be put on bedrest. I was still planning to work Wednesday and Monday. Oh welll. J does come before work. I am trying to do as much as I can today. I feel like I am running out of time to get everyting ready. I don't want my sweet husband to have to do everything on his own although I know he willingly would.
I have gained 4 lbs in the last two weeks and he is now measuring in at around 7 lbs 4 oz.
He is measuring like a full term baby and I am still not dilated. I think there is a connection to taking the progesterone as recommended from Dr. H and then dilating later in pregnancy. Not sure, but that is my theory. My cervix is still high and closed.
I know that last time I talked about how all of the sudden, pain and discomfort entered the picture for me as I am trying to gracefully let this baby grow, but the pain I discussed before shifted to a new series of issues. Primarly is one of tremendous sensitivity around my belly button and all of the tenderness there. The feelings for that were strong for about 3 days and then it has become more tolerable. Something I have never experienced before when getting out of bed was feeling like gravity was pulling my belly down - like a parachute. It hurts to walk for a few minutes, but if I take it slow, it gets better with time.
There have been so many ups and downs this past week! Let me try to remember them all!
Monday - find out that J is measuring around 6 lbs 13 oz. The peri says not to travel out of town for Thanksgiving. Asks me if I have everything ready for J, not really! He told me to enjoy my shower and get things ready because J may be here as early as the next two weeks, but he is hoping for 3-4 weeks. I knew he was coming, so why am I so shocked? Could it be because I am not ready, oh well! If he is - I will be ready to be his mom! By the way, felt perfectly fine all day! My bp was perfect that day, even though J's hb was only 120 when it is normal 150 or so! I have to admit the lower end of the hb had me concerned.
Tuesday - when the pain from the scar tissue made it difficult to sleep, walk, or get up and down (mainly that night even though there was some pain that presented itself at Hobby Lobby. High point was visiting with some great friends and my mom that day!
Wednesday - really bad pain, worked the whole day though. At times it would ease up and make me think that it was completely gone, for which I would sing praises.
Thursday - had the day off, planned to stay home all day. The house was clean and I just wanted to see if very little activity would reduce the pain. What, is that spots on the kitchen floor and we have people coming over tonight? I clean the floor, fold a load of baby clothes and put them away. Uh-oh the pain returned, although it eased up after sitting for awhile. I call the doctor just so they can tell me it is scar tissue and that all is well. They are likely to return my call after 5 pm. I call at 1:00 pm. The nurse calls me back at 1:40 to tell me that they would be more comfortable sending me to the hospital for monitoring to make sure that all is well and that no contrations have started. I am thinking to myself that I am fine, I would know what contrations feel like, etc. I so want to be disobedient, but good sense kicks in and I make my way to the hospital all by myself. The drive is about 4o min. I tell myself the whole time, I can't be that bad if I am driving myself to the hospital. By the time I make it to the hospital, I can barely walk in the doors. The pain returned from the bumpy, stowed up ride. I get admitted to the hospital and they monitored Joseph for a few hours for fetal hb and movements. They monitor my bp and oxygen levels in blood. As much as I did not want to go to the hospital or seem to acquire more drama - I am so glad I did. Listening to his perfect hb was the best gift! For several hours, I just felt so peaceful KNOWING he was thriving!
Same day - get released from the hospital because all looks good. No dilation or contrations yet, which is supposed to be good but I would like to see this show get on the road. Once I get home, my mil is using our home to host game night for the ladies we meet with once a month. To my great suprise, they bring gifts for J! Lots and lots of amazing, generous gifts! So much gratitude was swimming around in my heart! It turned out to be a fun night, the pain still continued but I knew J was ok, so I was more peaceful.
Friday - crazy, long day at work. The pain was milder and easier to tolerate even with lots of movement. Praise God! We got to go eat dinner with some special friends and their daughter then stopped off at Target to get's J's first Christmas stocking! Jessy had already bought J's first Christmas present a few months ago and it is waiting in his bassinet for him. By the way, when Jessy first came up with that idea, I was smitten all over again :)
Saturday - the baby shower for baby J! Unbeleivable perfect! My friends and family were all so generous, not with just the baby items, but with their time, talent, and treasure! I was overcome with emotion before, during, and even after the celebration! I will be doing a picture post of the day soon! I can't wait to share those with you all! On my way there, I was overcome with emotion. I was early so I had time to pray two rosaries and go to the adoration chapel where I spent so many hours praying for a family! It was a thrill to go to Jesus in such a state of joy and thanksgiving on that day! I kept thinking to myself, I used to cry at others baby showers (before, sometimes during, and after, too) and I am still doing it for my own!!! Now that is grace in action!
We go to visit my mom at the hospital after the shower and have a great visit! Then we head home, completely exhausted. Jessy tells me he is not feeling well. Turns out he is really sick. A elevated fever and showing signs of a 24 hr bug. Yet, he is determined to put together the baby items we received and bring in all the gifts and look at them for the first time! Falling in love with your husband still everyday because of the joy you see in his eyes even when he is sick has to be one of the greatest gifts from God I have ever received! I rejoiced in seeing him be blown away at the generousity of others and feeling so showered in love by their willingness to help us prepare for baby J! By the way, it was today that the pain on the left side eased enough for me to enjoy the day, thank God!
Sunday - stay home, did not even get to go to mass as I was trying to tend to Jessy. Around 3 he begins to feel better and we make a quick trip to visit his brother's family for an early Thanksgiving dinner.
Monday - barely slept the night before because of terrible headache. Fight headache despite busy morning at work and u/s at 11:30. The biophysical u/s went well. There is still a good amount of fluid, the placenta is functioning well, J's movements are good with breathing movements, his hb is at 145 bpm. They tell me he is measuring about 7 lbs 4 oz, which is about a 2 lb gain in the last two weeks. Holey Moley! They are saying I am at 35 weeks and I just know that I am at 36 weeks. I have to go back at 4 pm for the appt with the doctor.
The 4 pm appt does not go so good. When I got there I was miserable. Felt like I was having a cold sweat. I kept praying I did not get what Jessy had over the weekend. Turns out that my bp is not good. My urine from earlier in the day was not good, so I now have to do the 24 urine test and bring it to the lab at 630 am on Wednesday so they can know how to treat me and J before the Thanksgiving holidays kick in! Great. Feeling completely out of sorts, being scared of the possible outcomes of pre-eclampsia, etc. The doctor shows great concern over these issues which she is disturbing because she is normally extremely laid back. She kept trying to exemplify being laid back, but that plan just did not work. I knew that she doesn't want to take any chances with J and I and she clearly told me that she will do all she can to keep us both healthy because she knows just what I have gone through to get to this point! First of all pregnant at all and second of all - a successful, nearly full term pregnancy! I was blown away at her sincerity because she is not normally so direct in a concerned way. She is normally very easy going and this was almost sending up a red flag for me a few weeks ago. So glad the switch happened, even though I don't like the real reason for the extensive concern. I noticed on the day of the shower, it looked like I had no ankles and I have had a decrease in bathroom runs so I can feel so fluid retention, even though I am still trying to drink lots of water to flush out my system. Finally got to come home and rest. I soon felt better, but headed to bed really early, next thing I know, Jessy is tucking me in the covers, grabbing my prayer book out of my hands because I fell asleep during my prayers and turning out the light. I could barely talk clearly, I was so tired.
Today - feeling better. Just recently felt the need to clean the master bathroom. I am going to wrap the christmas presents soon, Jessy just has a few gift cards to pick up for some others and then we are done with the Christmas shopping. I am going to pack my hospital bag today, too. My doctor said yesterday, that if the urine test has a certain outcome, I could possibly be put in the hospital until delivery. If it has a different (less threatening result, I could be put on bedrest. I was still planning to work Wednesday and Monday. Oh welll. J does come before work. I am trying to do as much as I can today. I feel like I am running out of time to get everyting ready. I don't want my sweet husband to have to do everything on his own although I know he willingly would.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Body Changes
I have to admit, I was not ready for pain.
At least not yet.
Yesterday, I ran into a craft store near the lab to pick up some drawer pulls for Joseph's dresses when I realized I could barely walk upright. When I got to the store, I had to run all the way to the back of the store for the restroom. Immediately after that, I was walking to the section with the drawer pulls and realized the area that was operated on last year where my left tube was removed was feeling very sore and like really taut muscles that did not want to stretch. I made it to drawer pulls - very slowly and even slower to the checkout and then just sat in my car for awhile trying to relax. I drank a bottle of water and then ran back to the labe to pick up the serum and ship it. I was feeling much better at this time.
Good thing because I was looking foward to visiting a dear friend and her precious daughter for lunch. Well, there was no problem with that side for the duration of the visit. Praise the Lord.
Next, I went to make a visit to my Mom at the hospital in the afternoon after her day of therapy and since I parked nearly a whole block away and then made my way around the hospital, the pain returned once I arrived to her room. I was useless, I collapsed in her new wheelchair because she wanted me to check out its comfort. I finally managed to help her with some things while there but she could tell of my discomfort because I kept touching my left side.
The pain subsided. I made my way home and it continued to come and go. It was really uncomfortable at bedtime, but with extra pillows, I fell asleep. I woke up ok, started moving around and the pain returned. GREAT!!! I could barely get dressed for work. I kept thinking it must be worse because of bloating, etc. The GAS.x. was a temp fix, but apparently that is not the issue. I did make it to work - but the pain continued to come and go throughout the day and made me ponder what contrations will feel like? I would be lying if I said that the pain was easy to endure. I tried to not complain.
I made it home - completely wiped out. I worked the full day like that, the pain did ease up at times. My husband was so wonderful. He helped me get a ton of things done around the house and I ended up doing three loads of laudry with his help and he cleaned the kitchen and living room. His mom wanted to use our home to host a party tomorrow evening and at the rate I was going, I could not gurantee that I would be feeling better tomorrow to do it. I have the full day off tomorrow and I plan to STAY HOME ALL DAY!! Even my mom understands I need a day of no driving, but rest.
One of the reasons I did not call the doctor today to alert them of the pain was because I just want to have a day of no appts, driving, poking, or prodding. I also really think the pain is stretching pains. This boy is getting bigger and probably running out of room. He is still moving and grooving and even then the pain can increase on that left side where I imagine the scar tissue, etc to be localized.
Speaking of his movements, they are so much stronger these days that it startles me. I am not used to such strong kicks and punching. Is this common toward the end? I still love all of his movments, they bring me so much comfort knowing he is thriving. I have to work diligently, minute by minute, to trust in God's great plan for Joseph, J, and I. It is terribly difficult to try to cast off fear and offer up willingness to surrender to God's will and not your own. You would think that I have this lesson mastered by now, but God is still giving me plenty of opportunities to learn and to grow.
At least not yet.
Yesterday, I ran into a craft store near the lab to pick up some drawer pulls for Joseph's dresses when I realized I could barely walk upright. When I got to the store, I had to run all the way to the back of the store for the restroom. Immediately after that, I was walking to the section with the drawer pulls and realized the area that was operated on last year where my left tube was removed was feeling very sore and like really taut muscles that did not want to stretch. I made it to drawer pulls - very slowly and even slower to the checkout and then just sat in my car for awhile trying to relax. I drank a bottle of water and then ran back to the labe to pick up the serum and ship it. I was feeling much better at this time.
Good thing because I was looking foward to visiting a dear friend and her precious daughter for lunch. Well, there was no problem with that side for the duration of the visit. Praise the Lord.
Next, I went to make a visit to my Mom at the hospital in the afternoon after her day of therapy and since I parked nearly a whole block away and then made my way around the hospital, the pain returned once I arrived to her room. I was useless, I collapsed in her new wheelchair because she wanted me to check out its comfort. I finally managed to help her with some things while there but she could tell of my discomfort because I kept touching my left side.
The pain subsided. I made my way home and it continued to come and go. It was really uncomfortable at bedtime, but with extra pillows, I fell asleep. I woke up ok, started moving around and the pain returned. GREAT!!! I could barely get dressed for work. I kept thinking it must be worse because of bloating, etc. The GAS.x. was a temp fix, but apparently that is not the issue. I did make it to work - but the pain continued to come and go throughout the day and made me ponder what contrations will feel like? I would be lying if I said that the pain was easy to endure. I tried to not complain.
I made it home - completely wiped out. I worked the full day like that, the pain did ease up at times. My husband was so wonderful. He helped me get a ton of things done around the house and I ended up doing three loads of laudry with his help and he cleaned the kitchen and living room. His mom wanted to use our home to host a party tomorrow evening and at the rate I was going, I could not gurantee that I would be feeling better tomorrow to do it. I have the full day off tomorrow and I plan to STAY HOME ALL DAY!! Even my mom understands I need a day of no driving, but rest.
One of the reasons I did not call the doctor today to alert them of the pain was because I just want to have a day of no appts, driving, poking, or prodding. I also really think the pain is stretching pains. This boy is getting bigger and probably running out of room. He is still moving and grooving and even then the pain can increase on that left side where I imagine the scar tissue, etc to be localized.
Speaking of his movements, they are so much stronger these days that it startles me. I am not used to such strong kicks and punching. Is this common toward the end? I still love all of his movments, they bring me so much comfort knowing he is thriving. I have to work diligently, minute by minute, to trust in God's great plan for Joseph, J, and I. It is terribly difficult to try to cast off fear and offer up willingness to surrender to God's will and not your own. You would think that I have this lesson mastered by now, but God is still giving me plenty of opportunities to learn and to grow.
Prayer Petitions - updated
I am ready to compile the list of prayer intentions to offer up during the labor and delivery of Joseph.
I just feel my body getting closer to that day. I want to be ready and I trust that God will answer many prayers that are offered whole-heartedly during that time.
Please email me at crystalgayle3719 at yahoo dot com
____
I corrected my email address, I wrote this in the middle of the night, even as I was offering up my pain for some ladies waiting for their miracles!!!!
I just feel my body getting closer to that day. I want to be ready and I trust that God will answer many prayers that are offered whole-heartedly during that time.
Please email me at crystalgayle3719 at yahoo dot com
____
I corrected my email address, I wrote this in the middle of the night, even as I was offering up my pain for some ladies waiting for their miracles!!!!
Monday, November 15, 2010
shocked
Today I had an appointment with the perinatologist.
I nearly forgot about it. Thank goodness I remembered because I needed to see the doctor today.
I am feeling great, besides some timely backaches, gas, and sassines :) Joseph has been moving and grooving so much that my heart has just been enjoying all of these precious moments and the worry seemed to lessen.
Until today . . . nothing big to worry about except at how fast he is growing. I was not prepared to hear at the appointment that they are measuring him to be around 6 lbs. 13 oz. TODAY!!! Unbelievable. I told him about the guess of weight from my thursday appointment and he told me that the regular doctor should not be giving me ideas of weight because they are only supposed to do the biophysical profiles. He and his team are to give me weights and all the important stuff. He wasn't ugly about it, but did say that this baby is not a 5 lb baby anymore.
Then he asked me if we have everything ready for the nursery and I said we are having the shower this weekend. He said, get everything ready and done. He could come as early as the next TWO weeks. He wants to see me again in three weeks (12/6/10) to see how much more Joseph has grown and then he will tell me a date to expect his arrival. He said we are probably looking at four more weeks at the most. We will see. Will update more later.
Another update:
I am doing great on my sugar levels and the doctor is pleased. The doctor said that it is probably genetics making J so big - not the gd because his belly is the thing measuring the best right now!!!
I nearly forgot about it. Thank goodness I remembered because I needed to see the doctor today.
I am feeling great, besides some timely backaches, gas, and sassines :) Joseph has been moving and grooving so much that my heart has just been enjoying all of these precious moments and the worry seemed to lessen.
Until today . . . nothing big to worry about except at how fast he is growing. I was not prepared to hear at the appointment that they are measuring him to be around 6 lbs. 13 oz. TODAY!!! Unbelievable. I told him about the guess of weight from my thursday appointment and he told me that the regular doctor should not be giving me ideas of weight because they are only supposed to do the biophysical profiles. He and his team are to give me weights and all the important stuff. He wasn't ugly about it, but did say that this baby is not a 5 lb baby anymore.
Then he asked me if we have everything ready for the nursery and I said we are having the shower this weekend. He said, get everything ready and done. He could come as early as the next TWO weeks. He wants to see me again in three weeks (12/6/10) to see how much more Joseph has grown and then he will tell me a date to expect his arrival. He said we are probably looking at four more weeks at the most. We will see. Will update more later.
Another update:
I am doing great on my sugar levels and the doctor is pleased. The doctor said that it is probably genetics making J so big - not the gd because his belly is the thing measuring the best right now!!!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
My life these days
has been a whirlwind. My house is being neglected and I will be spending the weekend trying to catch up.
Everyday is busy from dawn to dusk, not exactly what I envisioned to be facing right now.
There is just too much going on and I really have to pace myself so that my emotions don't get the best of me - stress will not be my friend at this time in my life and the extra effort to remain calm will pay off.
My little part time job has been nuts for the last month or so. Not terrible, but we have been desperately understaffed because the one who did the same kind of work I do for the company quit/got let go all of the sudden. The other ladies there are so pleasant and helpful, but they are overworked a bit too so I try really hard to not be too needy. I could be more tired simply because of this growing miracle, too. They try really hard not to let the filing back up because they can see bending down to all the bottom file cabinets are tough for me at this stage. I only have a few work days left since I only work three days a week and am planning to stop working around the first week of Decemeber.
I actually think that I will miss my job because I am just now really understanding the hardest parts. Plus the ladies are very kind. It has to be the most pleasant staff I have ever worked around. Praise God for a good work environment. It was exactly what I needed to build up my self-confidience again after that very bad experience with my previous employer.
My mom is in a bad state. Really, bad. She is unable to do much for herself other than feed herself at this time. She has been in the hospital since last Monday and will likely be there for another two weeks minimum. She is receiving amazing care from a wonderful team during the day, but she says the night staff leave alot to be desired. I only saw the night staff in action once and she is not really being too hard on them. Most of the people on that unit are not needing the level of care she is needing so I think they are just overwhelmed. We need lots of prayers for her healing and for the staff. When I went to the team meeting with on Tuesday I kept wondering why the doctor looked so familiar and the two days later I realized because his way and personality reminded me of Dr. H. My mom is unable to think clearly and is clearly deflated in spirit. They are keeping her super busy during the day, but she is wanting me to spend a great deal of time there when she is not in session and I just don't have the energy and I feel like a terrible daughter. There is a lot of work to do get her home wheelchair ready, it is all very overwhelming. She is very disappointed about missing the baby shower. What can I do? I have to roll with the punches and do the best that I can to make things work. One really great high point this week was when she was asking Joseph to give her a high five and he KICKED her!!! Praise God, he does not usually move that much when I am around there.
I have not been able to keep up with the blogs, trying to read a bit, but very little commenting if any at all. If I am not at work, I am usually at a doctor's appt, the lab, or the hospital with my mom.
Time to switch gears and get to some really great news!!!!
Joseph is growing and in a great position. Everything with the biophysical profiles are going well and Joseph is measuring to be around 5 lbs 8 oz! I can barely believe that we are getting so close to meeting our little boy. I am so humbled that I am his mom! The fluid was good and his breathing movements and overall movements are what they wanted to see. I am so very thankful. Someone looked at me yesterday - actually the three ladies that I am working with and they said "well, at least you have had an easy pregnancy!" I was blown away by that comment. I guess I must do a good job of keeping my worries to myself, my husband, and you all, my blogger buddies ;)
I got to see his beautiful ribs and strong thighs :) Seriously, I think the ultrasound guy is amazing and he gets so excited to see me because I am just thrilled with everything he teaches me at each visit and loves sharing the new growth of baby Joseph with me!
I do have to say that I am loving all of his movements - he completely lights up my days already and I am so thankful to have him in our lives. My heart is so full of gratitude.
After the last blood draw for progesterone, I was in high zone 1. So they instructed me to start either the v.s. or the oral progesterone in addition to the pio. I am only going to have to have one more blood draw at 35 weeks and then continue the meds to 37 weeks. It is really nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel with the shots and progesterone meds. Is the only thing to be concerned about at this stage with less than optimal progesterone levels is going into early labor or is there even more serious things to be worried about?
It is a funny place to be emotionally - watching my mom suffer so much and realize that there is very little I can do for her and then being full of utter joy that so many prayers are being answered in this precious baby boy. He is such a motivation for her right now, that I am so grateful that he can inspire his Granny in such a powerful way.
Everyday is busy from dawn to dusk, not exactly what I envisioned to be facing right now.
There is just too much going on and I really have to pace myself so that my emotions don't get the best of me - stress will not be my friend at this time in my life and the extra effort to remain calm will pay off.
My little part time job has been nuts for the last month or so. Not terrible, but we have been desperately understaffed because the one who did the same kind of work I do for the company quit/got let go all of the sudden. The other ladies there are so pleasant and helpful, but they are overworked a bit too so I try really hard to not be too needy. I could be more tired simply because of this growing miracle, too. They try really hard not to let the filing back up because they can see bending down to all the bottom file cabinets are tough for me at this stage. I only have a few work days left since I only work three days a week and am planning to stop working around the first week of Decemeber.
I actually think that I will miss my job because I am just now really understanding the hardest parts. Plus the ladies are very kind. It has to be the most pleasant staff I have ever worked around. Praise God for a good work environment. It was exactly what I needed to build up my self-confidience again after that very bad experience with my previous employer.
My mom is in a bad state. Really, bad. She is unable to do much for herself other than feed herself at this time. She has been in the hospital since last Monday and will likely be there for another two weeks minimum. She is receiving amazing care from a wonderful team during the day, but she says the night staff leave alot to be desired. I only saw the night staff in action once and she is not really being too hard on them. Most of the people on that unit are not needing the level of care she is needing so I think they are just overwhelmed. We need lots of prayers for her healing and for the staff. When I went to the team meeting with on Tuesday I kept wondering why the doctor looked so familiar and the two days later I realized because his way and personality reminded me of Dr. H. My mom is unable to think clearly and is clearly deflated in spirit. They are keeping her super busy during the day, but she is wanting me to spend a great deal of time there when she is not in session and I just don't have the energy and I feel like a terrible daughter. There is a lot of work to do get her home wheelchair ready, it is all very overwhelming. She is very disappointed about missing the baby shower. What can I do? I have to roll with the punches and do the best that I can to make things work. One really great high point this week was when she was asking Joseph to give her a high five and he KICKED her!!! Praise God, he does not usually move that much when I am around there.
I have not been able to keep up with the blogs, trying to read a bit, but very little commenting if any at all. If I am not at work, I am usually at a doctor's appt, the lab, or the hospital with my mom.
Time to switch gears and get to some really great news!!!!
Joseph is growing and in a great position. Everything with the biophysical profiles are going well and Joseph is measuring to be around 5 lbs 8 oz! I can barely believe that we are getting so close to meeting our little boy. I am so humbled that I am his mom! The fluid was good and his breathing movements and overall movements are what they wanted to see. I am so very thankful. Someone looked at me yesterday - actually the three ladies that I am working with and they said "well, at least you have had an easy pregnancy!" I was blown away by that comment. I guess I must do a good job of keeping my worries to myself, my husband, and you all, my blogger buddies ;)
I got to see his beautiful ribs and strong thighs :) Seriously, I think the ultrasound guy is amazing and he gets so excited to see me because I am just thrilled with everything he teaches me at each visit and loves sharing the new growth of baby Joseph with me!
I do have to say that I am loving all of his movements - he completely lights up my days already and I am so thankful to have him in our lives. My heart is so full of gratitude.
After the last blood draw for progesterone, I was in high zone 1. So they instructed me to start either the v.s. or the oral progesterone in addition to the pio. I am only going to have to have one more blood draw at 35 weeks and then continue the meds to 37 weeks. It is really nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel with the shots and progesterone meds. Is the only thing to be concerned about at this stage with less than optimal progesterone levels is going into early labor or is there even more serious things to be worried about?
It is a funny place to be emotionally - watching my mom suffer so much and realize that there is very little I can do for her and then being full of utter joy that so many prayers are being answered in this precious baby boy. He is such a motivation for her right now, that I am so grateful that he can inspire his Granny in such a powerful way.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Nursing
Just curious, what is your opinion on breastfeeding classes? I was thinking that I would be able to figure it out with the stuff I am learning from friends and some books. I don't want to be naive, though! I want to successfully nurse our baby. I know it won't be easy, I am already dealing with uncomfortable stages of progress in this area.
I will have excellant support once Joseph is here from my doctor and the lactation specialist at her clinic, but I am really wondering if just going to this class will fill me with more support, knowledge, and hope that all will be well.
I will have excellant support once Joseph is here from my doctor and the lactation specialist at her clinic, but I am really wondering if just going to this class will fill me with more support, knowledge, and hope that all will be well.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Attitude
I have been so impatient lately! Really bad . . . really!
I even fussed at Se.ars today because I had to walk around the whole ground level of the store because no one was at a working register. When I did find a worker near a register, she told me she would take me at a register further away in a different section. I was really pathetic! To top it all off, the sweet lady gave me an additional 15% off to make up for making me hunt down someone to check me out. I guess she felt sorry for me with my big waddle, but I was able to buy a cute maternity top for $9.25! I think I was just overdoing it today and my body and mind were just worn down. Yet, even if I am worn down, I need to keep it to myself.
There has been a high amount of stress in my life lately and I am probably even more stressed simply trying hard to not let the stress worry me like crazy.
My mom is in the hospital again. Poor thing, this is the third time this year that she has had to be in the hospital. Her health has really diminished a great deal over the last few years and she has been having a great difficulty walking and starting to fall and two sundays ago, she fell and broke/crushed an area behind her knee and had to be rushed to the hospital. She is on disablity and did not receive great medical care right away and was very limited in getting transportation, so they finally admitted her yesterday to the hospital, once she was able to see a doctor who could possibly help her in the way she needs. The really sad part is that she needs to keep her leg immoblilized for the next six weeks and will likely be put in a rehab facility because she needs a higher level of medical attention than what she could get at home, yet they may end up having to get home health if insurance doesn't approve the rehab facitlity.
She was in tears knowing that she would almost surely miss the baby shower and who knows if she will be able to go to the hospital when the baby is born. I keep telling her that we need her to take care of herself first and that there will be time for her to spoil and love on Joseph. Yet, I am sad about the times she won't be there to celebrate with us.
In my defense, before the Se.ars episode, I had did my blood draw, spent a few hours with my mom at the hospital, watched a deplorable hospital staff not want to help my mom with her bathroom needs and then after I leave I call her to see how the situation worked out after I left and could barely hear the words she was saying because she was crying so hard because they did not treat her well and I had to call the head nurse to report the issue and then FINALLY she got the medical equiment she needed and pain meds. No matter what . . . the situation is terrible.
The past 10 days have just been hard to see my Mom look like my grandma in her last stages. Thankfully, I got to really talk to my spiritual director about all of this last week and Joseph is the only reason I so determined to take it easy and make my biggest priority all about keeping him safe and sound!
I pray I keep my attitude in check, it can happen, right???
I even fussed at Se.ars today because I had to walk around the whole ground level of the store because no one was at a working register. When I did find a worker near a register, she told me she would take me at a register further away in a different section. I was really pathetic! To top it all off, the sweet lady gave me an additional 15% off to make up for making me hunt down someone to check me out. I guess she felt sorry for me with my big waddle, but I was able to buy a cute maternity top for $9.25! I think I was just overdoing it today and my body and mind were just worn down. Yet, even if I am worn down, I need to keep it to myself.
There has been a high amount of stress in my life lately and I am probably even more stressed simply trying hard to not let the stress worry me like crazy.
My mom is in the hospital again. Poor thing, this is the third time this year that she has had to be in the hospital. Her health has really diminished a great deal over the last few years and she has been having a great difficulty walking and starting to fall and two sundays ago, she fell and broke/crushed an area behind her knee and had to be rushed to the hospital. She is on disablity and did not receive great medical care right away and was very limited in getting transportation, so they finally admitted her yesterday to the hospital, once she was able to see a doctor who could possibly help her in the way she needs. The really sad part is that she needs to keep her leg immoblilized for the next six weeks and will likely be put in a rehab facility because she needs a higher level of medical attention than what she could get at home, yet they may end up having to get home health if insurance doesn't approve the rehab facitlity.
She was in tears knowing that she would almost surely miss the baby shower and who knows if she will be able to go to the hospital when the baby is born. I keep telling her that we need her to take care of herself first and that there will be time for her to spoil and love on Joseph. Yet, I am sad about the times she won't be there to celebrate with us.
In my defense, before the Se.ars episode, I had did my blood draw, spent a few hours with my mom at the hospital, watched a deplorable hospital staff not want to help my mom with her bathroom needs and then after I leave I call her to see how the situation worked out after I left and could barely hear the words she was saying because she was crying so hard because they did not treat her well and I had to call the head nurse to report the issue and then FINALLY she got the medical equiment she needed and pain meds. No matter what . . . the situation is terrible.
The past 10 days have just been hard to see my Mom look like my grandma in her last stages. Thankfully, I got to really talk to my spiritual director about all of this last week and Joseph is the only reason I so determined to take it easy and make my biggest priority all about keeping him safe and sound!
I pray I keep my attitude in check, it can happen, right???
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Any Ideas?
We recently made a decision to pay off the majority of our debt by tapping into our savings. Our goal in doing this is to pay off as much as we can so that we can live on only my husband's income for a good while allowing me to stay home with the baby for as long as possible.
We have two fairly large credit cards to pay off and I understand that we can make a settlement with them. Particularly one of them since most of the charges have been either medication or medical expenses. Does anyone have experience with this?
We want to be diligent in this so that our burdens will be far lighter in the near future. We will be making these decisions this week and trying to get everything lined up, but I feel a bit frazzled using so much of our savings. Everyone keeps reminding me that we will not miss the money nearly as much as we will miss the family time and peace of mind we will experience in the days ahead. I firmly beleive that, but it is a big step in faith to use that security blanket. A dear friend reminded me that at least we had that available to us.
We live a very modest lifestyle so I am praying that this is all of God's will for our family!
Please share your experiences and ideas, I would love to hear about them!
We have two fairly large credit cards to pay off and I understand that we can make a settlement with them. Particularly one of them since most of the charges have been either medication or medical expenses. Does anyone have experience with this?
We want to be diligent in this so that our burdens will be far lighter in the near future. We will be making these decisions this week and trying to get everything lined up, but I feel a bit frazzled using so much of our savings. Everyone keeps reminding me that we will not miss the money nearly as much as we will miss the family time and peace of mind we will experience in the days ahead. I firmly beleive that, but it is a big step in faith to use that security blanket. A dear friend reminded me that at least we had that available to us.
We live a very modest lifestyle so I am praying that this is all of God's will for our family!
Please share your experiences and ideas, I would love to hear about them!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
NEW STAGES
I feel like this past weekend I experienced a huge shift in how I have been feeling. For the most part, I am still doing pretty well, just learning what it feels like to really experience the uncomfortable stages of this miracle pregnancy! I was fortunate for so long to not pack on the weight, which is now just a growing number and I feel like there is so much fluid in my belly surrounding this growing boy that I can't do some of the same things I am accustomed to doing. These are not far fetched things, I am simply talking about bending over to dig a pot out of the cabinet or simply putting on my socks and shoes ;)
I have also been experiencing an extensive amount of indigestion and it doesn't matter what or when I eat! So my doctor gave me a script for nexium! I am so excited about this and am looking foward to not being miserable with indigestion nearly all day! I was starting to sleep with 3 pillows, just to be able to lay down without feeling sick.
Today was a big day! I had the first biophysical profile u/s. I was filled with anxiety! I am feeling like a woman of little faith when I am experiencing so much anxiety. Anyway, I was so thankful that the appointment went well. Joseph is looking good and got a score of 8 out of 8 for the test. We are starting the weekly visits so I pray that they all go as well as the one today.
So, I have an appointment Nov. 4, 11, & 15th! My new goal is to make it well through November.
I am looking foward to the baby shower on November 20th! I have been waiting for November for so long . . . then December will be here before we know it, PRAISE GOD!!!
All of this doesn't seem real until I begin to try to move! I got to see my spiritual director this week and she commented on my 'waddle'! Seriously, my hips began to spread this weekend and I was very concerned that the baby dropped and I thought it was happening way too early!
I was able to go to daily mass today and was so excited that I am able to experience the miracle of life in this amazing way . . . I never knew that it would one day happen, I just never gave up hope that this amazing dream would one day come true!
I have also been experiencing an extensive amount of indigestion and it doesn't matter what or when I eat! So my doctor gave me a script for nexium! I am so excited about this and am looking foward to not being miserable with indigestion nearly all day! I was starting to sleep with 3 pillows, just to be able to lay down without feeling sick.
Today was a big day! I had the first biophysical profile u/s. I was filled with anxiety! I am feeling like a woman of little faith when I am experiencing so much anxiety. Anyway, I was so thankful that the appointment went well. Joseph is looking good and got a score of 8 out of 8 for the test. We are starting the weekly visits so I pray that they all go as well as the one today.
So, I have an appointment Nov. 4, 11, & 15th! My new goal is to make it well through November.
I am looking foward to the baby shower on November 20th! I have been waiting for November for so long . . . then December will be here before we know it, PRAISE GOD!!!
All of this doesn't seem real until I begin to try to move! I got to see my spiritual director this week and she commented on my 'waddle'! Seriously, my hips began to spread this weekend and I was very concerned that the baby dropped and I thought it was happening way too early!
I was able to go to daily mass today and was so excited that I am able to experience the miracle of life in this amazing way . . . I never knew that it would one day happen, I just never gave up hope that this amazing dream would one day come true!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Prayer Warriors
I have to say that I am so thankful for all of your comforting comments and promises of prayers for Joseph and I from the last post. I was almost shaking when I read the warning. I thought and prayed and finally calmed down, no doubt a gift from all of the prayers offered up for us.
I am on the mend - praise God. I also contribute that to all of your prayers. Since the scare, I have only had to take two tylenol, each about 24 hours apart and now the cough is gone (should I say that?) and I have been able to breath much easier. I have been well (no colds, etc) for so long, that I forgot how miserable they really are for everyone. It took a full week for me to recover, that is not saying much for my immune system. Thankfully, baby Joseph stuck it out with me, as well as my poor husband who is so glad I am not coughing anymore.
I had been asking my husband to take me on a "Date Night" for awhile and since we have been so careful with our money, it kept getting pushed further done the wish list. Not that it takes much, but when you are worried constantly about money, you worry about using it needlessly. That all being said, my husband has taken a few days off of work this week to do go deer hunting but he comes home every night and has been taking care of me. Well, last night he suprised me my coming home early - doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, etc and then called to tell me at work that when I got home we would go out to dinner. Yah, "Date Night"! I was so happy.
I still had some sniffles then, but nothing was going to stand in my way of taking full advantage of this suprise. We started off just catching up - laying in bed before getting ready and that alone just made me thankful to share my life with this man. Then we got ready and went to my favorite little restaurant with little, small tables and candles ;) Unfortunately, the place was packed, but we had the best time ever and full enjoyed just being together and the food was so yummy! We did a few other things after that, but for some reason back pain is becoming an issue with me at times. It doesn't happen all the time, but last night after working a full day with lots of bending, filing, sitting at a desk all day and then walking alot, I was uncomfortable.
I am about to head to get ready for my godson's 2nd birthday. I planned to make some spider oreo cookies, but I am a slacker. I off to make them now, wish me luck!
By the way, once again thanks for being such amazing prayers warriors for me, I try to return the favor for you all!
I am on the mend - praise God. I also contribute that to all of your prayers. Since the scare, I have only had to take two tylenol, each about 24 hours apart and now the cough is gone (should I say that?) and I have been able to breath much easier. I have been well (no colds, etc) for so long, that I forgot how miserable they really are for everyone. It took a full week for me to recover, that is not saying much for my immune system. Thankfully, baby Joseph stuck it out with me, as well as my poor husband who is so glad I am not coughing anymore.
I had been asking my husband to take me on a "Date Night" for awhile and since we have been so careful with our money, it kept getting pushed further done the wish list. Not that it takes much, but when you are worried constantly about money, you worry about using it needlessly. That all being said, my husband has taken a few days off of work this week to do go deer hunting but he comes home every night and has been taking care of me. Well, last night he suprised me my coming home early - doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, etc and then called to tell me at work that when I got home we would go out to dinner. Yah, "Date Night"! I was so happy.
I still had some sniffles then, but nothing was going to stand in my way of taking full advantage of this suprise. We started off just catching up - laying in bed before getting ready and that alone just made me thankful to share my life with this man. Then we got ready and went to my favorite little restaurant with little, small tables and candles ;) Unfortunately, the place was packed, but we had the best time ever and full enjoyed just being together and the food was so yummy! We did a few other things after that, but for some reason back pain is becoming an issue with me at times. It doesn't happen all the time, but last night after working a full day with lots of bending, filing, sitting at a desk all day and then walking alot, I was uncomfortable.
I am about to head to get ready for my godson's 2nd birthday. I planned to make some spider oreo cookies, but I am a slacker. I off to make them now, wish me luck!
By the way, once again thanks for being such amazing prayers warriors for me, I try to return the favor for you all!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
stressed, updated
I quickly went from relaxed, but sick to HIGHLY STRESSED!
I am still battling this terrible cold or whatever the heck it is that has tried to make me not rest or feel ok since last friday. So after a full day of work, I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I barely made it home in the rain from the seething pain on the left side of my head, dealing with a cough and unable to breathe clearly through my nose. I made it home and then called my husband I called my husband to pick me up some Contac. This was on my doctor's list of approved meds and I remembered that Dr. H has previously said it was ok during the 2ww.
I thought it was safe. I took one pill and then looked it up on online when my symptoms eased and read that Contac Cold/Flu is NOT APPROVED, especially in the last trimester. I was pacing the house after I read this and some not so christian words were escaping my mouth in fear.
I do believe that one pill will not cause the adverse side effect I read about at we.bm.d. My husband is now stressed and feels horrible.
God, I know you are in control of everything, please don't let my silly choices mess up your plans.
_________
Update:
I tried to relax. I did only take one of the pills (1/2 of the dosage) and it only has 2 mg of the antihistimine (the big no-no in the 3rd trimester - who knew?) in the whole pill. The majority of the medication in that pill was a fever reducer ingredient like tylenol. I am trusting that God would rather me relax than stress over things I can't control at this point. At least I have the day off to rest and get better, hopefully! Thanks for your prayers, did not mean to sound off a flare :)
I am still battling this terrible cold or whatever the heck it is that has tried to make me not rest or feel ok since last friday. So after a full day of work, I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I barely made it home in the rain from the seething pain on the left side of my head, dealing with a cough and unable to breathe clearly through my nose. I made it home and then called my husband I called my husband to pick me up some Contac. This was on my doctor's list of approved meds and I remembered that Dr. H has previously said it was ok during the 2ww.
I thought it was safe. I took one pill and then looked it up on online when my symptoms eased and read that Contac Cold/Flu is NOT APPROVED, especially in the last trimester. I was pacing the house after I read this and some not so christian words were escaping my mouth in fear.
I do believe that one pill will not cause the adverse side effect I read about at we.bm.d. My husband is now stressed and feels horrible.
God, I know you are in control of everything, please don't let my silly choices mess up your plans.
_________
Update:
I tried to relax. I did only take one of the pills (1/2 of the dosage) and it only has 2 mg of the antihistimine (the big no-no in the 3rd trimester - who knew?) in the whole pill. The majority of the medication in that pill was a fever reducer ingredient like tylenol. I am trusting that God would rather me relax than stress over things I can't control at this point. At least I have the day off to rest and get better, hopefully! Thanks for your prayers, did not mean to sound off a flare :)
Monday, October 18, 2010
Joseph is growing!
I knew he was growing alot because it seemed I was growing at a rapid pace all of the sudden.
I have gained about 5 lbs in the last two weeks and have suddenly starting showing, praise God. I have been able to stay at my prepregnancy weight for the first 28 weeks for which I was very grateful because I was already overweight. I stopped the t3 about 3 weeks ago and I think this has changed quite a bit for me, including my growing belly and increasing weight which is normal at this time. We have about 8 weeks to go, I can't hardly beleive it.
I saw the perinatalogist today and Joseph is growing well and a busy boy, thank goodness. He is weighing about 4lbs 6oz - amazing!!! I am so very grateful. I looked like a mess at the appointment because I am still miserable from this cold/sinus infection crud. The doctor told me some specific things to take for it and I have one dose in me and plan to go take a nap soon. My poor husband could not sleep last night, because all I could do was toss and turn. The night was not restful again so I took the day off to not expose anyone else to this dreadful cold.
It most likely has nothing to do with the flu shot, I probably already had a cold brewing inside my poor body but hopefully this will be the end of any illness until after Joseph is born (and for a long time after that - it would be tough to nurse him like this).
One last thought, there were not u/s pictures given to me, but he looked so beautiful! I got to see his long spine, growing head, itty bitty thighs :) Amazing!! His heart beating always brings me to adoration of God's handiwork! His heartbeat was 149 bpm and the most glorious sound in all the world. He is also head up (breech) which is the first time he has been seen in that positon. No wonder all the movements feel so different. His head is in my the top right of my belly which is where I thought it was lately, you can feel it so clearly!
Grow, baby, grow!! We love you so!
I have gained about 5 lbs in the last two weeks and have suddenly starting showing, praise God. I have been able to stay at my prepregnancy weight for the first 28 weeks for which I was very grateful because I was already overweight. I stopped the t3 about 3 weeks ago and I think this has changed quite a bit for me, including my growing belly and increasing weight which is normal at this time. We have about 8 weeks to go, I can't hardly beleive it.
I saw the perinatalogist today and Joseph is growing well and a busy boy, thank goodness. He is weighing about 4lbs 6oz - amazing!!! I am so very grateful. I looked like a mess at the appointment because I am still miserable from this cold/sinus infection crud. The doctor told me some specific things to take for it and I have one dose in me and plan to go take a nap soon. My poor husband could not sleep last night, because all I could do was toss and turn. The night was not restful again so I took the day off to not expose anyone else to this dreadful cold.
It most likely has nothing to do with the flu shot, I probably already had a cold brewing inside my poor body but hopefully this will be the end of any illness until after Joseph is born (and for a long time after that - it would be tough to nurse him like this).
One last thought, there were not u/s pictures given to me, but he looked so beautiful! I got to see his long spine, growing head, itty bitty thighs :) Amazing!! His heart beating always brings me to adoration of God's handiwork! His heartbeat was 149 bpm and the most glorious sound in all the world. He is also head up (breech) which is the first time he has been seen in that positon. No wonder all the movements feel so different. His head is in my the top right of my belly which is where I thought it was lately, you can feel it so clearly!
Grow, baby, grow!! We love you so!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Sick
I am sick.
Last night all of the sudden around 9 pm, I started to get a slight temp, sore throat, and sinus headache & pressure (head cold symptoms). I think the nurses and doctors lied to me when they said there were no side effects to that darn flu shot. I mean, how can that just come up all of the sudden. So far, I took a tylenol last night and one this morning but the slight temp returns and I don't want to take too much. It was not a good nights rest, but I did get a few hours that felt somewhat restful.
I had made plans to go with a friend to a tea her church was hosting (St. Joseph Church - I felt a kinship just being there :)) entitled "The Power of Prayer & Chocolate" and I ventured out thinking that this little cold will run its course and was just some side effect of the vaccince shot. Yet, at the end, I felt like I was breaking a fever and immediatley came home. I stopped at McDonalds and got me supper because I just knew I could not cook. How sad is that? I now am planning to head to bed after this and have a cold rag on my head. My husband is out of town, so at least I can wallow in self-pity. The sore throat is barely there anymore, thank goodness, but I am wary of taking too much tylenol. I am trying to space it out and am only taking one at a time. What is awful is that this feels like a summer cold because it is still warm outside and not feeling like fall today.
I have so many thoughtful and inspiring thoughts from my day, but can barely think clearly.
I found out that getting side effects like the ones I have from the shot are somewhat common, so it should clear up quickly, but it makes you wonder if you feel miserable how is it affecting your precious baby?
Hope you all are feeling great and enjoying your weekend!!!
Last night all of the sudden around 9 pm, I started to get a slight temp, sore throat, and sinus headache & pressure (head cold symptoms). I think the nurses and doctors lied to me when they said there were no side effects to that darn flu shot. I mean, how can that just come up all of the sudden. So far, I took a tylenol last night and one this morning but the slight temp returns and I don't want to take too much. It was not a good nights rest, but I did get a few hours that felt somewhat restful.
I had made plans to go with a friend to a tea her church was hosting (St. Joseph Church - I felt a kinship just being there :)) entitled "The Power of Prayer & Chocolate" and I ventured out thinking that this little cold will run its course and was just some side effect of the vaccince shot. Yet, at the end, I felt like I was breaking a fever and immediatley came home. I stopped at McDonalds and got me supper because I just knew I could not cook. How sad is that? I now am planning to head to bed after this and have a cold rag on my head. My husband is out of town, so at least I can wallow in self-pity. The sore throat is barely there anymore, thank goodness, but I am wary of taking too much tylenol. I am trying to space it out and am only taking one at a time. What is awful is that this feels like a summer cold because it is still warm outside and not feeling like fall today.
I have so many thoughtful and inspiring thoughts from my day, but can barely think clearly.
I found out that getting side effects like the ones I have from the shot are somewhat common, so it should clear up quickly, but it makes you wonder if you feel miserable how is it affecting your precious baby?
Hope you all are feeling great and enjoying your weekend!!!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Why Joseph has a holey mommy!
J and I have been joking lately that I am full of holes!!
Think about it, I have been getting PIO injections 2xweek for the last 28 weeks in my backside!
I have been poking myself 4xday for glucose monitoring for the last 6 weeks!
Lots of blood draws - too many to count! Progesterone draws every two weeks, regular draws for pregnancy, and all the GTT for GD!
And today, got a gloriously less painful flu shot in the arm. I think the nurse was suprised I did not wince in pain.
So lets add that up -
56 pio shots
168 finger pricks
1 flu shot
20 (minimum) draws for blood - progesterone and regular prenatal ones
Grand Total:
One HOLEY momma!!!
One Healthy baby boy!!!
One happy daddy!!!
= One very happy family!!!
In all honestly, I love being Joseph's mommy, holes and all!
Think about it, I have been getting PIO injections 2xweek for the last 28 weeks in my backside!
I have been poking myself 4xday for glucose monitoring for the last 6 weeks!
Lots of blood draws - too many to count! Progesterone draws every two weeks, regular draws for pregnancy, and all the GTT for GD!
And today, got a gloriously less painful flu shot in the arm. I think the nurse was suprised I did not wince in pain.
So lets add that up -
56 pio shots
168 finger pricks
1 flu shot
20 (minimum) draws for blood - progesterone and regular prenatal ones
Grand Total:
One HOLEY momma!!!
One Healthy baby boy!!!
One happy daddy!!!
= One very happy family!!!
In all honestly, I love being Joseph's mommy, holes and all!
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