Not much of an update and more!

Today I got to meet with my local doctor to see if my body is making any progress to indicate that delivery will be soon. Guess what I got . . . nada.

There is no dilation happening, no dropping of this baby - he is simply all snug as a bug in a rug. Sew, what exactly did you whisper to Hannah to encourage to want to see the light of day so quickly??? I need some pointers, haahaa! Just kidding.

I am really patient to a degree and want to trust my body and let it do things on its own, but the last few inches of my incision from the laparotomy is just terrible. It is terrible stretched and hurts at times. Plus this little guy is coming right in around 8 lbs which is not really large but the doctors both agree to not let me go past 39 weeks (which for my calculations will be 12/14 and their calculations, 12/18). The peri said that he would recommend they schedule for delivery to happen between 12/17-12/19. I just wonder how you can throw a date out there, but they are the doctors and I just want to be healthy and for Joseph to be healthy and thriving.

I really don't have a dream in mind of how I wanted to actually give birth to Joseph, I have always just dreamed of meeting him and seeing that he is alive and well! I have braced myself for a c-section, but as time approached found myself thrilled if a vaginal delivery was possible. I am not mentioning all of this so that I can get your opinions or views, I can't take those in or process anything negative right now. That being said I was a little suprised today to hear my doctor tell me that she really doesn't want me to suffer through an induction in the hopes that my body M-I-G-H-T catch up and allow a vaginal delivery even a long one and that would eventually lead to a c-section. She said that if I am not dilated or showing much progress, she strongly recommends that the c-section be scheduled without the induction. She said it would just be easier on my body that trying the induction and then having to resort to a c-section after so much wear on my body. I am glad that I had about a week to think about an induction and possible c-section before this was shown to me. The bottom line is that we trust our doctor and I know that without a shadow of a doubt she is preparing us this way so that the outcome is the most favorable one. We are both praying for a sudden change and that my body will start to prepare for the baby's birth in the most natural way possible.

So, really at the end of this appointment, I leave with a peace of mind and deep in my heart. I have spent the last 10 days or so freaked out about what to do for a L&D plan because I just never let myself go there before because of reasons I can't quite name and because my personality tends to not be one that feels the complete need to control this situation. When it comes to fertiltiy, health, sickness, and infertility, even childbirth and pregnancy - I knew that I am just on this ride that God has set out for me and not in driver's seat at all. No control here, hence my attitude of waiting this advent season. Just for the record, my sweet prayer buddy is being covered in graces from all the sacrifices I am making at this time!

I had the incredible pleasure of going to Mass to celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception at our local Cathedral where Jessy and I were married 10 1/2 years ago. For some reason it did not occur to me that the crowd would be so much larger since it was a Feast Day for the Patron of the Parish, so I just loved being in the presence of so many faithful who really wanted to be there and who sung and prayed with all their hearts. It was surreal for me to walk down that long aisle to receive Jesus in the Eucharist with a baby clearly evident in my large belly. It was amazing and beyond beleif for me to receive Jesus and think that in a week or so I could be a Momma with a newborn in her arms. As the readings today remind us "Nothing is impossible with God!" I was moved to tears singing "Ave Maria" and hearing the words from the readings "your cousin Elizabeth, who was once called barren is now in her sixth month . . . " What a celebration of faith, mercy, goodness, and joy!

Knowing that the Bishop was greeting parishoners as they were leaving Mass, I hung behind and asked him to give Joseph a blessing. Knowing that Joseph will soon be born and the desire that I have for a blessed meeting on the day of his birth, a healthy and safe one . . . I deeply desired this blessing and the Bishop was thrilled to do provide one for our baby. Once again, peace reigned in my heart and I knew that whatever God has in store for us with the arrival of baby Joseph - all will be well and according to His divine will.

The single most important reason I did not want to schedule an induction/c-section was because I did not want my will, my doctor's will, or anyone else's will for that matter to determine the birth or birthday of our baby. I wanted God to choose that. That is why I was in such turmoil since my last visit with my local doctor. Then my husband reminded me to just "Trust". Trust God, trust my doctor, and trust my body. My husband has always led us by trust in God and he has never steered us wrong. So I am trusting. I am not more afraid, I am filled with peace and joy!

So then after the blessing from the Bishop, I made my way to the parking lot and so my friend and I got to chat with her for a few minutes and she was so encouraging - reminding me that a scheduled c-section is not the end of the world, that having a difficult vaginal delivery would not make me any better of a momma, and that c-sections babies are precious, too! Praise God for good friendships.

One day at a time, one kick count at a time :)

Praying for you all during this advent season. I gave myself permission to relax this advent season and not be to harsh on myself - I have been living my Advent for the last 10 years or so and for the the last nine months the meaning of Advent has taken on a whole new meaning!