What a difference a year makes!

I have just a few minutes to write a few reflections down since my sweet husband brought Joseph to his bassinet for me.

Joseph is doing well, praise God! Each day with him is a miracle and somehow learning to be a parent to a newborn is getting easier. We are learning each other and it is a beautiful thing to know how to comfort your baby. For so long we prayed for him and dreamed of days with him, so it is just surreal to really be holding your dreams in your arms.

Last year at this time he was our dream - our prayer. This year we are praying to learn how to meet his needs quickly, to be able to comfort him and to make sure he knows us and the deep abiding love and devotion we have for him being a part of our family.

Being a new mom was hard for me, not because I did not like the sacrifice but because I had to let alot of ideals go. I had to set aside some things because they just did not work for him. We had to discern, pray, and trust that God was leading us in certain ways to care for him. We are so happy he is a healthy and happy baby. He tends to only get fussy if he is fighting his sleep and with diaper changes. I don't really know why he dislikes the diaper changes so much, but he quiets immediatley once he is covered and swaddled :) He has his momma's unhappy cry when she doesn't get what she wants and it breaks my heart.

I love being his Mom and I can still say that I am still wondering how God has brought us here.

Exactly 9 months before he was born, we went to a healing mass. It was that night that I felt my ovaries feeling like they were burning inside of me. Not a terrible pain, just a sensation that was present thought the mass. At the end of the mass, the priest from Rwanda said that someone with my condition/medical concern (IF) was healed. We found out exactly one month later that I was pregnant. So, March 15, April 15, and December 15, 2010 are all very special days to us.

One of the reasons I think that parenting has been more challenging than I expected is because we had some curveballs thrown at us in regard to feeding. Joseph had a difficult time latching on at the hospital and therefore breastfeeding became a frustration for him and when I realized that my idea of how I would feed my baby would not be all roses, I was very emotional about it. We ended up having to supplement with formula for awhile until I could get a good pump and I am pumping exclusively but it is very tiring and hard emotionally and physically. Only after about a week into it, did we realize there was a physical reason he was not able to latch well. It turns out that he has a far, deep palate and my food source for him is not long enough. We are trying to extend these, but it hasn't happened yet. My husband has been so amazaingly supportive through this in helping me find shortcuts by preparing the stuff I need to pump and helping me find time to pump. It has been helpful that he has been off for the last week. I am a bit spoiled with his support right now. I was able to have one of my aunts come over for two days while my husband had to return to work for awhile, but she was here mainly to bring Joseph and I to his well baby visit. My mom is unable to help in the ways we need right now, so we tell her we just need lots of prayers. She has a hard time understanding how difficult it is to feed a newborn this way. We have not even told my in-laws about the feeding because they tend to set me off in ways that are not life-giving for my family. So I am choosing my battles right now.

Anyway, I was not meaning to sound unappreciative of the miracle of our newest family member, but I don't want to say that all is perfectly fine when we are honestly blindly feeling our way around this new vocation we have been blessed with in being Joseph's parents. Sometimes when I am holding him, I forget to talk to him in verbal words because there is just so much my heart is telling him and God about the gratefulness I am experiencing.

In addition to the blessing of little Joseph - my husband and I received another blessing yesterday in being able to have Stacey (from Stacey's Thoughts on Infertility) and her family over to our home to meet Joseph and to let us meet their precious new miracle, Lily. Both of these children were brought to our families in a most miraculous way and we both prayed fervently for one another during our miracle pregnancies. It was such a joy to be in their presence and to see how love and the addition of their daughter has changed their lives. To see answered prayers in the flesh is priceless. I cannot find the right words to express it. The blogs have been such a blessing to me and I am grateful for the amazing friendships God has blessed me with through them. We have seen so many miracles brought about by our prayers for one another and we are still praying for even more miracles to surprise us in 2011!

I am unable to add pictures to my blog right now for some reason, but if you are one of my fb friends, go check out new pictures we have of him.

Blessings to you all this New Year's Eve! Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day as we celebrate my husband's birthday with him being able to hold his son in his arms. His birthday wishes for many years have come true! Praise God!