I have been battling some feelings of sadness today. Wondering when I will be able to see all of my prayers, wishes, dreams, and investment of time and treasure come to fruition. I don't mean it to say that this has been an all comsuming thought but it has been present and I am having to literally use all of my strenth to pust the darkness from my mind so that there is more room for light and hope.
My day was filled with preping our tax info to meet with out accountant (if that is what you call her) today. I am glad it is over, but as usual we have to pay (ALOT) even with itemizing all of the freaking medical stuff from last year. The most helpful thing is that she is a praying woman and values the same things we value. I could not ask for a more wonderful person to do my taxes with. She is encouraging and smart! She was sad to see us have to pay! She is really pulling for us to get our little one soon. Every prayer helps. It is so weird to be so transparent!
I have been reading some recent blogs of the grief that comes along with losing a child through miscarriage and it makes me sad. It brings up so many memories. Tonight I heard a song that really spoke to my heart and made me sadder. It is called "Held" by Natalie Grant. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that God holds me close to his heart. God bless me indeed and be all that I need!
I am right there with you. There have been so many times that I have wondered the same thing and to be honest with you have even gotten angry because I feel like I am being punished for my sins when other people seem to get by with so much more. I know that it is not true and that God holds me so close to His heart, but it sure is stressful and difficult to try and make sense of it all. Some days I feel like I have prayed so hard and so many times that God doesn't even want to hear me or my concerns. Which, is why I know that I have to get to the point that I can just give it all to Him and have the faith that He will answer my prayers in His time. As you have already read in my blog, I am so struggling with doing that right now. Just know that I am here for you whenever you need me.
ReplyDeleteTaxes, ugh! This is going to be a different year for me because I am newly married and do not know what Scott and I can expect. They are just a pain.
I, thankfully, do not know that realities of losing a child through miscarriage. However, my mom and cousin do and I remember what it was like for them. They were both devastated. It would be simply awful and something that I hope I don't have to experience.
Keep that chin up and your eyes upon the Lord. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. :)
Hugs and blessings,
Stacey
I LOVE that song, by the way. I can't listen to it without crying. It's so beautiful and just says it all about where I'm at right now.
ReplyDeleteI know all about the sadness.
It takes so much energy to put on a happy face sometimes, too.
I think it's important to take time for yourself right now to cry, grieve, and pray. This won't last forever, but we can't carry it every second of the day. We have to stop here and there and unload some of the weight of this cross and give it to Christ, if that makes sense. We can't carry them without Him. We'll just collapse!
50 people!!! But for some reason I am not really scared just like OH NO MAKE MOVES SEW! I need progesterone!!
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOSH! I am thinking that if I could not work for a few weeks I might actually enjoy it! I hate interviews. I kind of feel sick! I don't want to go! But I do, but I don't.
ReplyDeleteI hate starting over at a new job! It sucks! Thanks for your prayers!!