Today, I got to hang out with my Mom and aunt. It is not like we did anything spectacular but just visit and talk about mindless things. It is nice to sometimes to not have any heavy conversations, if you know what I mean. My mom acted a little funny when we first arrived and I was unsure why, but did not give it much thought. Well, it turns out she was trying to be very secretive about what she was preparing for me for my birthday. She made me a beautiful crocheted pink and cream blanket. The throw is pink and cream stripes and I love it. She really wanted to finish before I left this evening, so I even got to see her finish it up and was able to take it home with me tonight. It was such a blessing to see her do it and the joy she found in doing it. I was exhausted when I finally got to come home, but I was so happy to show it off to J when I arrived home. It was truly a remarkable day. My mom will be having her last chemo tomorrow and my aunt is taking her since I have to be back to work.
I made it home just in time to see a show that I am currently addicted to, The Secret Life of an American Teenager. It is a show about a young girl who got pregnant by accident in her first sexual encounter with an older boy at her school while at band camp. I have been watching to see how it will all play out and if it will have any truth to the real sacrifice a teenage mother commits herself to when she decides to raise her baby. Right now she is really feeling pressured to place her child with an adoptive family. She is really torn in what to do and I am just so glad that they did not allow it to look easy. I think that would be the most difficult decision in the world to make. The world thought that my mom should have put me up for adoption since my mom would not have an abortion. I had good and bad times in my childhood, but I think that my mom made the right decision. It took my whole extended family to bring me up, but I think that sometimes that is what has made me such a well rounded and compassionate person. Not that I am trying to say I am great or anything like that, but I really believe that my life experiences really shaped who I am and I believe that it helps me to be a little more understanding of women who find themselves not knowing what to choose for their baby. I don't really know where all of this rambling is going except to say that I am very thankful that my mother chose life for me despite all of the pressure to do otherwise.
I started the FertileCM today. It is cd 10. So now it is my job to monitor my stress levels and be very observant. I am not really sure what is going on with all of my hormones these days. There are few tale-tell signs that my hormones are off and I am seeing a few of them which is not good for my wandering mind. It just freaks me out and makes me paranoid. As if I am not crazy enough!
I had the wildest dream last night that continues to bother me today. I had a dream that a young girl was trying to get us to adopt her newborn little boy. She literlly pushed this child into my arms. It was really traumatizing. It was like the mother was so desperate to get rid of her baby. I was trying to feed the baby and n I was clinging to him bc the mom was so completely unstable I did not want her any where near the baby. Then I woke up sweating and freaking out. It was so real. I kept seeing images of this little boy all day today. When I first woke up after the dream, I prayed for God to take away those images from my mind if it was not a message from him. It was so not in line with the direction we are going these days and I am really trying to just stick with His will for my life and not my own. I shared the dream with J this evening and he said "Why can't you dream about us having our OWN baby??" I told him "I have no clue". I heard that God can reveal things to us in our dreams so I am wondering what he is trying to reveal to me at this time. It just occured to me "If we can convince these girls to stop having abortions and they are not ready to mother their children - who is going to love all of the world's children? " May God bless us all with the desires of our heart and lead all of the children of the world into loving homes.
Family time is precious and I am so glad that you got to spend today with your mom. What a beautiful present she gave you, I'm sure you will cherish it for a lifetime. :)
ReplyDeleteDreams, they can be quite traumatic. I certainly have had my share of them, that's for sure. Most of the time I don't know what to make of them. Which, for me, is a good thing probably. I would just stress out more if I actually knew what they meant.
Best wishes on your charting and medicine. Glucophage can be a wonderful drug. I have seen my cycles become more stabablized and regular too. I am sure that all will be just fine for you. Try not to stress out, which I know is so hard to do.
Hang in there and keep that chin up. Thanks for all of your support. You and your husband are always in our thoughts and prayers.
Blessings,
Stacey :)
Man, that sounds like an intense dream!
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying that your mom's chemo is successful!
Family is a blessing. I've been enjoying visiting with my brother who is in from Florida. I get to see him maybe once or twice a year. We've been having a lot of fun. I get along with my mom really well and sounds like you do too. Not everyone can say that!!! I hope her chemo goes well.
ReplyDeleteI get some pretty intense dreams when I'm taking fertility meds too. I wake up thinking "What was that?" Sometimes I wake up thankful that it was just a dream. I think the drugs make one have "deeper" sleeps and therefore more dreams. Which is okay. I pray it all works out for you.
I, too, have been thinking lately about how my family has truly shaped the woman I have become. We are very blessed to have family :)
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