All I can do is laugh!!!
Our baby is already a huge ham :)
We waited and waited for him/her to change positions, but they just kept "mooning" us!!!
It is actually comical now! We tried two different times and even though there was a big jumping bean in my belly, they remained modest :)
The u/s tech actually seemed to think that the baby's parts we were looking for were rught under my belly button and therefore made for a very shadowy image!
So for now, we continue to wait!! It did my heart so much good to see them on that screen and hearing their amazing heartbeat (156 bpm)!!!
Thanks for all the prayers today, we are still amazed that we are at this point in our lives that we are even blessed to be having a baby to see on the u/s!!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thoughts
I had the best night's sleep last night - I woke up feeling like a new woman! A starving woman though! hahaa
So at 930 am, I am making homemade french fries and tuna fish sandwiches!!! Seriously, this is nuts :) I will take it though, praise God for weird food cravings!
I then cleaned the kitchen and realized I ate way too much and could barely move or sit upright - now that is ridiculous, so I took a huge nap!!! From 1130-2pm!!!! That is not me at all, but I think there must be a growth spurt or I am just making up for lost sleep!! Any excuses will work for me.
I am making homemade chili tonight :) The minute I thought about it last night, I got all excited! I hope it doesn't make me sick!
So after my nap, I did the housework and then ate a piece of lemon cake, milk, and then had a pickle. This craziness is beyond me ;)
I think my husband would just laugh at how I spent my day, but I am living it up right now! It will not last, I will be out in the working world probably sooner than I imagine! I will try to sub a few days a week or there is a part-time job I applied for yesterday that is in my field, so I hope it would work out.
Tomorrow we get to see our baby again :) Yippee!!!
For awhile, it would seem like I could feel vibrations of movement, but lately it has been pretty few and far between. I can't wait until I know the baby is doing well by their movements!
I mentioned before that I worked with very special needs babies for about 6 years after graduating from college. A good deal of them were just experiencing developmental delays, but a lot of them were born prematurely (extreme prematurity - 24-26 weeks), or extreme medical conditions that would create barriers for typical development. Initially, my job was as the special instructor and I would go in and teach the families how to have productive play time with their babies and promote reaching those needed milestones!! It was the most phenomenal job. The state then changed certification requirements, so I became an Intake Coordinator Supervisor - meaning I was the first person the hospital would call before a child would leave the hospital in the 3 parish (county) area. It was tremendously hard making this transition, because I was really a paper pusher and I had only 45 days to get these babies qualified and a plan put together with a team of EI specialist so that the baby would get the sevices they needed to thrive as soon as possible. I have seen so much and it has literally stayed with me over the years. I worked there until I realized the stress and crazy hours (sometimes 65 hrs a week) just wore me down. On top of all of this, I was dealing with crazy IF and still grieving the loss of our first child. I literally carried all of these babies in my heart. The toughest cases were the ones born addicted to drugs, watching them on all their machines and detoxing. Now the babies born with Down Syndrome, Spina Bifidia, or even more rare conditions - it was miraculous to be a part of that parent's journey for their child. I loved it! O how I loved seeing my (see I claimed these babes) babies thrive when all the odds seem stacked against them. My husband and I have had all kinds of discussions that we are ready for all. We will accept all! However our child comes to us, we will be the proudest - most loving parents that we have been created to be for that precious child. So all of that has been said because it just gives me more to try to push out of my memory :) Know what I mean, I know so much about when things can go wrong that each and every time a baby is born and all goes right, I am just blown away ;) Every baby is a miracle to be celebrated and I love being able to celebrate our miracle every day!
I just can't wait to meet this precious baby!!!! We have waited so long for that day and I pray that it will be filled with wonder, joy, and the brightest of blessings!!!
So at 930 am, I am making homemade french fries and tuna fish sandwiches!!! Seriously, this is nuts :) I will take it though, praise God for weird food cravings!
I then cleaned the kitchen and realized I ate way too much and could barely move or sit upright - now that is ridiculous, so I took a huge nap!!! From 1130-2pm!!!! That is not me at all, but I think there must be a growth spurt or I am just making up for lost sleep!! Any excuses will work for me.
I am making homemade chili tonight :) The minute I thought about it last night, I got all excited! I hope it doesn't make me sick!
So after my nap, I did the housework and then ate a piece of lemon cake, milk, and then had a pickle. This craziness is beyond me ;)
I think my husband would just laugh at how I spent my day, but I am living it up right now! It will not last, I will be out in the working world probably sooner than I imagine! I will try to sub a few days a week or there is a part-time job I applied for yesterday that is in my field, so I hope it would work out.
Tomorrow we get to see our baby again :) Yippee!!!
For awhile, it would seem like I could feel vibrations of movement, but lately it has been pretty few and far between. I can't wait until I know the baby is doing well by their movements!
I mentioned before that I worked with very special needs babies for about 6 years after graduating from college. A good deal of them were just experiencing developmental delays, but a lot of them were born prematurely (extreme prematurity - 24-26 weeks), or extreme medical conditions that would create barriers for typical development. Initially, my job was as the special instructor and I would go in and teach the families how to have productive play time with their babies and promote reaching those needed milestones!! It was the most phenomenal job. The state then changed certification requirements, so I became an Intake Coordinator Supervisor - meaning I was the first person the hospital would call before a child would leave the hospital in the 3 parish (county) area. It was tremendously hard making this transition, because I was really a paper pusher and I had only 45 days to get these babies qualified and a plan put together with a team of EI specialist so that the baby would get the sevices they needed to thrive as soon as possible. I have seen so much and it has literally stayed with me over the years. I worked there until I realized the stress and crazy hours (sometimes 65 hrs a week) just wore me down. On top of all of this, I was dealing with crazy IF and still grieving the loss of our first child. I literally carried all of these babies in my heart. The toughest cases were the ones born addicted to drugs, watching them on all their machines and detoxing. Now the babies born with Down Syndrome, Spina Bifidia, or even more rare conditions - it was miraculous to be a part of that parent's journey for their child. I loved it! O how I loved seeing my (see I claimed these babes) babies thrive when all the odds seem stacked against them. My husband and I have had all kinds of discussions that we are ready for all. We will accept all! However our child comes to us, we will be the proudest - most loving parents that we have been created to be for that precious child. So all of that has been said because it just gives me more to try to push out of my memory :) Know what I mean, I know so much about when things can go wrong that each and every time a baby is born and all goes right, I am just blown away ;) Every baby is a miracle to be celebrated and I love being able to celebrate our miracle every day!
I just can't wait to meet this precious baby!!!! We have waited so long for that day and I pray that it will be filled with wonder, joy, and the brightest of blessings!!!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
No crying here . . .
Given the somberness of my last post, this one will crack you up even more :)
The situation with this elderly lady bothered me all night, I tossed and turned. I even had a bad dream when I did fall asleep about something completely weird, but not related to her, praise God. This morning in the wee hours before daylight, I realized that my baby is hearing the voices of people around me and I really don't want them to learn this ladys voice or her ridiculous vocabulary. I know, I know.
So I ended up getting up, determined to make it a good day. I was going to do this - suck it up! I ate a hearty breakfast (because she makes my stomach hurt with her hurtful, loud tone), got dressed, PRAYED, and then headed out the door. On the way there, I thought that if I went in cheerful, full of smiles and happiness (kindness, of course) that it would really start our day off good and all would go well!
I got there early, pulled the trash can from the road, greeted her cheerfully, and gave the cat some treats (I am sorry to say, but the cat looked thrilled to see me), and then moved on to the next project. I figured, stay busy and she can't find fault or nag too much, right?? WRONG!
I quickly told her "Well, first thing - I will go make your bed." I ran and did that quickly and when I came back down the hallway she hollered "Did you already finish making the bed? You better had done it right, I don't like any bumps and it hurts my hip if there are bumps. If you did it wrong I will have to take the fly swatter and whip your butt!" (no I am not making this up). I told her "You might not get a chance too, I will just quit." hahaha.
So I let that go and went into the kitchen and asked her if she was ready for some breakfast and she said yes so I began preparing her breakfast. As I was beginning to cook, she goes to her sliding glass door to look out and says "Now, why did you go and leave a clothes hanger on the hanging line yesterday???" (said with disgust like I was the laziest woman on the planet) and while I am trying to process and remember ever even seeing a clothes hanger - I knew for sure I did not use one yesterday she begins yelling at me "Girl, you better answer me when I talk to you, you can't just ignore me when I ask you a question. This is just not going to work if you don't answer my questions when I talk to you . . . ." Well, right there - the camel's back BROKE!!!! That was the final straw. I told her "You're right, it is not working and I am not here to argue with you, I am there to help you, so I will just go." I offered to make her breakfast before I left and she kept arguing with me, just making the biggest little show and refused to let me finish her breakfast. It was the most ridiculous thing I had ever encountered!! I bent down close to her and told her "I am leaving, I am sorry it did not work out, but I am not going to stay and argue with you."
She got so upset, she did not want me to leave and I told her "I am sorry, I will not stand to be talked to in an ugly way." I was walking to the door and she came after me and said "I have other people I can call." I looked at her with great compassion and said "Well, I hope you are able to treat them better than you treated me."
I then left.
I felt like the weight of the world was lifted, but now I worried about how she will have a meal for today.
So in a matter of being at her home for 20 minutes, I quit! Is that a record??? I guess this girl does have a backbone!!
So I went straight to town and got more applications. Only God can make a way right now.
I need to find an attorney to review the manuels to see if my previous employer did inform all employees of no benefits for Unemployment Ins. If there is a code word or something that I am missing, but I see no evidence of notice in the manuels.
Only two more days until we see the baby, praise God!!!
The situation with this elderly lady bothered me all night, I tossed and turned. I even had a bad dream when I did fall asleep about something completely weird, but not related to her, praise God. This morning in the wee hours before daylight, I realized that my baby is hearing the voices of people around me and I really don't want them to learn this ladys voice or her ridiculous vocabulary. I know, I know.
So I ended up getting up, determined to make it a good day. I was going to do this - suck it up! I ate a hearty breakfast (because she makes my stomach hurt with her hurtful, loud tone), got dressed, PRAYED, and then headed out the door. On the way there, I thought that if I went in cheerful, full of smiles and happiness (kindness, of course) that it would really start our day off good and all would go well!
I got there early, pulled the trash can from the road, greeted her cheerfully, and gave the cat some treats (I am sorry to say, but the cat looked thrilled to see me), and then moved on to the next project. I figured, stay busy and she can't find fault or nag too much, right?? WRONG!
I quickly told her "Well, first thing - I will go make your bed." I ran and did that quickly and when I came back down the hallway she hollered "Did you already finish making the bed? You better had done it right, I don't like any bumps and it hurts my hip if there are bumps. If you did it wrong I will have to take the fly swatter and whip your butt!" (no I am not making this up). I told her "You might not get a chance too, I will just quit." hahaha.
So I let that go and went into the kitchen and asked her if she was ready for some breakfast and she said yes so I began preparing her breakfast. As I was beginning to cook, she goes to her sliding glass door to look out and says "Now, why did you go and leave a clothes hanger on the hanging line yesterday???" (said with disgust like I was the laziest woman on the planet) and while I am trying to process and remember ever even seeing a clothes hanger - I knew for sure I did not use one yesterday she begins yelling at me "Girl, you better answer me when I talk to you, you can't just ignore me when I ask you a question. This is just not going to work if you don't answer my questions when I talk to you . . . ." Well, right there - the camel's back BROKE!!!! That was the final straw. I told her "You're right, it is not working and I am not here to argue with you, I am there to help you, so I will just go." I offered to make her breakfast before I left and she kept arguing with me, just making the biggest little show and refused to let me finish her breakfast. It was the most ridiculous thing I had ever encountered!! I bent down close to her and told her "I am leaving, I am sorry it did not work out, but I am not going to stay and argue with you."
She got so upset, she did not want me to leave and I told her "I am sorry, I will not stand to be talked to in an ugly way." I was walking to the door and she came after me and said "I have other people I can call." I looked at her with great compassion and said "Well, I hope you are able to treat them better than you treated me."
I then left.
I felt like the weight of the world was lifted, but now I worried about how she will have a meal for today.
So in a matter of being at her home for 20 minutes, I quit! Is that a record??? I guess this girl does have a backbone!!
So I went straight to town and got more applications. Only God can make a way right now.
I need to find an attorney to review the manuels to see if my previous employer did inform all employees of no benefits for Unemployment Ins. If there is a code word or something that I am missing, but I see no evidence of notice in the manuels.
Only two more days until we see the baby, praise God!!!
Monday, July 26, 2010
You gotta laugh or you'll cry!
Today was incredibly nuts. This lady that I am meeting with 4 days a week is incredibly set in her ways, I guess I would be too at 95!!
When I served her plate and she took her time to eat it, she said "The potatoes are cold!" I said "I am sorry, would you like for me to heat them up for you?" she responded "No, but you look sorry!"
When I began cooking she made some more ugly comments and so I jokingly said "Well, I guess you can fire me if you don't like your lunch." She said "I just might have to do that!" hahaha When she ate, she said that if she were grading me, she would give me a "C".
IN FREAKING CREDIBLE!!!!! Is she my old's boss's grandma???
At one point I was making her bed and her cat came and threw up in the hallway and she thought I kicked her cat! What???? If you would really know me, you know that I cry when a bird flies into my car on the highway!!!
After doing two loads of laundry, sweeping the kitchen and dining room, making her bed, and hanging certain clothes on the line to dry outside, I sit down to drink a sip of water - she tells me "Are you too tired to handle this job in your condition (meaning pregnant)?" I told her 'no, I am just hot . . . it must have been 85 degrees in her house and at least 95 degrees outside.
I don't think this is going to work, ladies!!!! I desperately need the little bit of money it would provide me, but the manner in which she talks is overwhelming.
One more thing, she calls certain colored people a name that makes me want to vomit and she actually called one of her old caregivers a "B***H today to me. Then to top it off, after I cooked the noon meal (with leftovers for her supper this evening) she looks at the stove and tells me "You left a burner on". I glanced back and saw that they all said "OFF" so I explained that to her. She told me to go back and turn all the knobs until the little red light went off. On our stove, there is a light that reminds users the surface is still hot even though the burners are off so I thought that was the same thing with her stove. Not so, not so. I turned the knobs until the last one now said "MED" and then the light went off and that made her happy. How in the world was I supposed to know this, now I know why that burner never cooked the gravy and I had to switch burners!!!! Once I got the light off of the stove she then told me "No see, don't argue when you don't know what you are talking about." hahahhahaha
Really, and I didn't bolt for the door yet???????
Just yesterday, my husband told me that I did not have to do that work for that lady and sure enough, I just might be free of another 20 hrs a week!!!!
Are you freaking kidding me??????????
In other splendid news - we have our next doctor's appointment on Thursday and we are hoping to see if we are having a daughter or a son!!!!!! We are both so thrilled!! We still could not settle on a girl name (good thing my mom called to tell me that her friend's daughter dreamed and decided that I am having a boy - hahaha - I am not making this up) so out of the two, I told my husband just to call her by her name at the ultrasound so I will know ;) We are 100% sure on the boy name, so he will do the same thing and say "Look, baby ____!!!" I can't wait! We really are excited either way, but we are just thrilled that we are on the verge of knowing! I can't believe that I thought I would want to wait! That seems great too, but now we have been looking forward to this time too!
The countdown began Friday! Please God, let this child be a part of our life here on earth for a very long time and protect their little growing body so that they are healthy and full of life on their birhtday ;) Amen!
When I served her plate and she took her time to eat it, she said "The potatoes are cold!" I said "I am sorry, would you like for me to heat them up for you?" she responded "No, but you look sorry!"
When I began cooking she made some more ugly comments and so I jokingly said "Well, I guess you can fire me if you don't like your lunch." She said "I just might have to do that!" hahaha When she ate, she said that if she were grading me, she would give me a "C".
IN FREAKING CREDIBLE!!!!! Is she my old's boss's grandma???
At one point I was making her bed and her cat came and threw up in the hallway and she thought I kicked her cat! What???? If you would really know me, you know that I cry when a bird flies into my car on the highway!!!
After doing two loads of laundry, sweeping the kitchen and dining room, making her bed, and hanging certain clothes on the line to dry outside, I sit down to drink a sip of water - she tells me "Are you too tired to handle this job in your condition (meaning pregnant)?" I told her 'no, I am just hot . . . it must have been 85 degrees in her house and at least 95 degrees outside.
I don't think this is going to work, ladies!!!! I desperately need the little bit of money it would provide me, but the manner in which she talks is overwhelming.
One more thing, she calls certain colored people a name that makes me want to vomit and she actually called one of her old caregivers a "B***H today to me. Then to top it off, after I cooked the noon meal (with leftovers for her supper this evening) she looks at the stove and tells me "You left a burner on". I glanced back and saw that they all said "OFF" so I explained that to her. She told me to go back and turn all the knobs until the little red light went off. On our stove, there is a light that reminds users the surface is still hot even though the burners are off so I thought that was the same thing with her stove. Not so, not so. I turned the knobs until the last one now said "MED" and then the light went off and that made her happy. How in the world was I supposed to know this, now I know why that burner never cooked the gravy and I had to switch burners!!!! Once I got the light off of the stove she then told me "No see, don't argue when you don't know what you are talking about." hahahhahaha
Really, and I didn't bolt for the door yet???????
Just yesterday, my husband told me that I did not have to do that work for that lady and sure enough, I just might be free of another 20 hrs a week!!!!
Are you freaking kidding me??????????
In other splendid news - we have our next doctor's appointment on Thursday and we are hoping to see if we are having a daughter or a son!!!!!! We are both so thrilled!! We still could not settle on a girl name (good thing my mom called to tell me that her friend's daughter dreamed and decided that I am having a boy - hahaha - I am not making this up) so out of the two, I told my husband just to call her by her name at the ultrasound so I will know ;) We are 100% sure on the boy name, so he will do the same thing and say "Look, baby ____!!!" I can't wait! We really are excited either way, but we are just thrilled that we are on the verge of knowing! I can't believe that I thought I would want to wait! That seems great too, but now we have been looking forward to this time too!
The countdown began Friday! Please God, let this child be a part of our life here on earth for a very long time and protect their little growing body so that they are healthy and full of life on their birhtday ;) Amen!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Nesting ;)
(the picture is a sample of the custom litter boxes my FIL builds, this one was custom made for my mom)
It has been so much fun hanging out with my sweet hubbie this weekend and together we are tackling one project after another . . . making room for baby bit!
We made HUGE progress today and it seems minimal, but it really was a big move for us. We have a smaller middle room and a larger back room and we plan to use the middle room for the baby so they will be closer to us. We had been using the middle room for the office/library/cat's litter box room. Yet, in the end - it became a hodge podge of JUNK!!! Slowly, I cleared alot of the junk and my husband did a great deal as well! So today was the time to make the move of the litter box. We moved around (no, he moved) furniture while I helped direct :) We ended up finding a great place that is discreet for the litter box and the cats are already accustomed to the new area.
The litter box is a custom made one that my FIL built for us because we used to have a bunch of little ones around and we made one that little ones could not happen to find the litter box and reach in and find a yucky suprise. There is a hallway of sorts once the cats enter it and then they have enough room to walk off the litter before they actually come out of the litter box. Spoiled kitties?? Yes, a cleaner and safer litterbox for little ones, definitely!
Our cats have been our babies for so long, it is only right that we make sure they are feeling a bit settled in the process of welcoming a new family member. We are planning the changes a little bit at a time.
After all this work, I promised my husband I would not ask him for a single honeydo for the rest of the weekend :) How many of you think that will last?? haahaa
I love the new set up and I just realized today that the crib we picked out will go perfect with the toy box we have that will go in the baby's room and is already filled with toys for a young child! We have a pretty well shelfed bookcase for the baby, but I really need to add a few more board (few words) books to our collection! I have been collecting books for our kids for many, many years!!! I loved that GIMH did the same thing! My father in law could build us a dresser/changing station to match once we purchase some wood.
So, now we are all pooped!! It is our mantra these days! We have stayed home all day and when we went out yesterday I convinced him to run by the grocery store so we could do our shopping now and could avoid the stores this weekend! It worked and I was able to buy 11 packs of meat (chicken & pork) and other essentials for a huge bargain. I am all about storing things up and it has become clear that the less you eat out the more groceries you need to keep at home! We don't hardly eat out anymore and it is pretty good for us!
I just made a birthday cake for my mother-in-law's birthday tomorrow - a lemon cake with lemon icing!!! YUM!!! I got everything ready for my husband to cook our dinner :) Isn't that funny? I cut all the meat and dumplings for HIM to make the chicken and dumplings! It is one of my favorite meals and I just cannot make it as good as he does!! I told him Little Bit wanted lots of dumplings and realized I will not be able to use that reason to get my way forever :)
We are cooking fried shrimp for my mother-in-laws dinner tomorrow, fresh gulf shrimp that they caught last season. It is going to be so good!! Can you tell that my appetite has finally returned!!! Praise God, my eyes are much bigger than my stomach these days though.
By the way, my day was made even more fantastic with PHDW's news of precious Alana Clare's miraculous arrival into their family!!! Praise God!!! Congratulations to the new parents, we are thrilled for you!!
It has been so much fun hanging out with my sweet hubbie this weekend and together we are tackling one project after another . . . making room for baby bit!
We made HUGE progress today and it seems minimal, but it really was a big move for us. We have a smaller middle room and a larger back room and we plan to use the middle room for the baby so they will be closer to us. We had been using the middle room for the office/library/cat's litter box room. Yet, in the end - it became a hodge podge of JUNK!!! Slowly, I cleared alot of the junk and my husband did a great deal as well! So today was the time to make the move of the litter box. We moved around (no, he moved) furniture while I helped direct :) We ended up finding a great place that is discreet for the litter box and the cats are already accustomed to the new area.
The litter box is a custom made one that my FIL built for us because we used to have a bunch of little ones around and we made one that little ones could not happen to find the litter box and reach in and find a yucky suprise. There is a hallway of sorts once the cats enter it and then they have enough room to walk off the litter before they actually come out of the litter box. Spoiled kitties?? Yes, a cleaner and safer litterbox for little ones, definitely!
Our cats have been our babies for so long, it is only right that we make sure they are feeling a bit settled in the process of welcoming a new family member. We are planning the changes a little bit at a time.
After all this work, I promised my husband I would not ask him for a single honeydo for the rest of the weekend :) How many of you think that will last?? haahaa
I love the new set up and I just realized today that the crib we picked out will go perfect with the toy box we have that will go in the baby's room and is already filled with toys for a young child! We have a pretty well shelfed bookcase for the baby, but I really need to add a few more board (few words) books to our collection! I have been collecting books for our kids for many, many years!!! I loved that GIMH did the same thing! My father in law could build us a dresser/changing station to match once we purchase some wood.
So, now we are all pooped!! It is our mantra these days! We have stayed home all day and when we went out yesterday I convinced him to run by the grocery store so we could do our shopping now and could avoid the stores this weekend! It worked and I was able to buy 11 packs of meat (chicken & pork) and other essentials for a huge bargain. I am all about storing things up and it has become clear that the less you eat out the more groceries you need to keep at home! We don't hardly eat out anymore and it is pretty good for us!
I just made a birthday cake for my mother-in-law's birthday tomorrow - a lemon cake with lemon icing!!! YUM!!! I got everything ready for my husband to cook our dinner :) Isn't that funny? I cut all the meat and dumplings for HIM to make the chicken and dumplings! It is one of my favorite meals and I just cannot make it as good as he does!! I told him Little Bit wanted lots of dumplings and realized I will not be able to use that reason to get my way forever :)
We are cooking fried shrimp for my mother-in-laws dinner tomorrow, fresh gulf shrimp that they caught last season. It is going to be so good!! Can you tell that my appetite has finally returned!!! Praise God, my eyes are much bigger than my stomach these days though.
By the way, my day was made even more fantastic with PHDW's news of precious Alana Clare's miraculous arrival into their family!!! Praise God!!! Congratulations to the new parents, we are thrilled for you!!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A Suprise in my mailbox - Thanks Leila!!
I had the best pick-me-up today when I checked the mail!
In addition to the regular bills and junk, I found this great package from Leila!!!
She is so incredibly generous and so kind!!!
I can't wait to be able to use the Miracle Blanket :) What a huge blessing that is for us!!! Months ago when I first heard about the Miracle Blanket, I knew I would want one for our baby and Leila graciously shared one with us!!! Thank you so much Leila!! You made my day!!
I am especially fond of the 'holey soad' that was bundled and swaddled up tight in the Miracle Blanket!! I had to laugh out loud when I saw it ;) When I opened the package I did wander if it was the soap that smelled so good or her laundry detergent :) It smelled heavenly!! I showed the soap to my husband and told him the story behind it and his reaction was the same as Leila's kids "I am not using that!!" So funny, I then showed him Leila's blog so he could get the whole humor about the special soap :)
The miracle blanket is awesome, I simply cannot wait to use it!!!! Come on December, get here already :)
P/T Gig & P4 Results + Ramblings
I have been very stressed about money. I know, I should not be, but I was. I was praying to God to help me find something that I can do that will add to our income. Yesterday morning, my husband woke me up to say he was leaving for work (he leaves before daylight and I like my sleep) and I told I could barely sleep because I was worried about stupid bills (mainly bills that were for meds or previous surgeries, etc). He, in turn, got worried and talked to his boss and got a nice raise. Praise God!!! Later in the day, I was lamenting my frustration about my previous employer to a friend who understood and as soon as we got off the phone she called me back. She remembered that her mom's neighbor likes to have a little help during the week and that there might even be a chance I could get paid for helping her out. She is 95 and lives alone and only her neighbors and Hospice care for her right now. After talking with my husband about it I decided to see if we would get along.
I called the lady and she told me "If you don't like cats, this house is not for you!" When I told her I could come by today to meet her, she was happy about that. I woke up earlier than ususal this morning, went to her home and visited and got an idea of the kind of help she needed and though that I could help her. Boy, she was telling the truth about the cat, Kit!! He loved on me the entire visit. It was quite fun hearing her stories today. Except it was super hard to leave. Somebody, send me a backbone please!!!! NOW!!! In all honesty, she is a kind lady, set in her ways and reminds me so much of my grandma!
God is listening, I will have to take it one day at a time, but I am trusting Him.
In other news, I called PPVI today to get my P4 numbers and was a little bummed about them. Last draw was 39 and this most recent draw was 33. I did it later in the day, not sure that matters. I am mid-zone 2. Keep doing what I am doing, PIO 2xw and oral progesterone 2xd.
All will be okay, right!
Does prenatals make your urine more yellow?? I am taking the Citranatal + DHA capsule (orange) and the first part of the day, my urine is really dark. TMI, I know, but just wondering?
Anyway, I am super pooped today. I barely could drag myself out of bed this morning, trying to get back to a normal wake/sleep pattern. I did not sleep well. Last night was the first time I felt pregnant trying to sleep. I could not get comfortable. I could have swore the baby's head was on the right side closer to my right hip. Really different for me. I then began to sleep on my left side and I woke up fine. I hear that sleeping on your left side later in pregnancy helps with the blood flow to the baby, is that really true??
I called the lady and she told me "If you don't like cats, this house is not for you!" When I told her I could come by today to meet her, she was happy about that. I woke up earlier than ususal this morning, went to her home and visited and got an idea of the kind of help she needed and though that I could help her. Boy, she was telling the truth about the cat, Kit!! He loved on me the entire visit. It was quite fun hearing her stories today. Except it was super hard to leave. Somebody, send me a backbone please!!!! NOW!!! In all honesty, she is a kind lady, set in her ways and reminds me so much of my grandma!
God is listening, I will have to take it one day at a time, but I am trusting Him.
In other news, I called PPVI today to get my P4 numbers and was a little bummed about them. Last draw was 39 and this most recent draw was 33. I did it later in the day, not sure that matters. I am mid-zone 2. Keep doing what I am doing, PIO 2xw and oral progesterone 2xd.
All will be okay, right!
Does prenatals make your urine more yellow?? I am taking the Citranatal + DHA capsule (orange) and the first part of the day, my urine is really dark. TMI, I know, but just wondering?
Anyway, I am super pooped today. I barely could drag myself out of bed this morning, trying to get back to a normal wake/sleep pattern. I did not sleep well. Last night was the first time I felt pregnant trying to sleep. I could not get comfortable. I could have swore the baby's head was on the right side closer to my right hip. Really different for me. I then began to sleep on my left side and I woke up fine. I hear that sleeping on your left side later in pregnancy helps with the blood flow to the baby, is that really true??
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
One day at a time
Well, I have to get that miserable title off of my blog about yesterday's experience.
Everyone I have talked to beleive that it is all nuts, but what can I do?
So, I managed to get myself out of the house today, did my labwork, and brought my resume to a couple places. There was definitely some humility going on in my life today and in the days past. I can't get over the fact that in one of my meditations for the rosary the spiritual gift related to the Nativity (bith of Jesus) is poverty. It is funny that I never thought seriously of poverty being a spiritual gift, but I guess in time, God will show me it's graces.
I think that tomorrow I will go and get the application for subbing at some schools close to my house. I really want something flexible and my husband is really encouraging for me to start school to get my teaching certification. I should have done this many years ago, but TTC was paramount. All I can do is trust that God has me exactly where he wants me to be at this time in my life.
I did have a better day, overall. I went to lunch with my mom, aunt, and my two cousins that I am especially close to, so it was a blessing to see them. I did order a salad, but I think that great bread they served before the meal was what put me over the edge. I was literally sick for putting to much food into my belly. My stomach is shrinking (which is a good thing) but I am still adjusting to it. I was supposed to go shopping with my mom afterwards, but I was wiped out. I ended up just coming home and taking a huge nap.
When my husband called to tell me he was on his way home, I tried to wake up (hahaha - what a lazy bum I am becoming). We ended up going to visit his parents tonight and got to see my sister in law and my godson, G. It was fun to hang out with them this evening. Praise God for good family visits. G is now 21 months and just so much fun right now.
While there we heard about a family who had a failed adoption recently and I was just so sad for them, I still can't understand why some families - couples facing IF - have to experience so many hardships. They were there at the hospital for the birth and paid so much to help care for the brithmom during her pregnany. It was just so sad, I will be praying for this couple for a long time. If you wish, you can join me - their name is Des and Josh. I pray that God rewards them with a child very soon.
I am telling you - the suffering of IF, m/c, adoption loss never leave your soul, you are forever changed. I have to say, God must have a reason for letting us suffer - the love He has for us never changes though.
Prayers continue, God's plans are being unfolded every second of the day!
Everyone I have talked to beleive that it is all nuts, but what can I do?
So, I managed to get myself out of the house today, did my labwork, and brought my resume to a couple places. There was definitely some humility going on in my life today and in the days past. I can't get over the fact that in one of my meditations for the rosary the spiritual gift related to the Nativity (bith of Jesus) is poverty. It is funny that I never thought seriously of poverty being a spiritual gift, but I guess in time, God will show me it's graces.
I think that tomorrow I will go and get the application for subbing at some schools close to my house. I really want something flexible and my husband is really encouraging for me to start school to get my teaching certification. I should have done this many years ago, but TTC was paramount. All I can do is trust that God has me exactly where he wants me to be at this time in my life.
I did have a better day, overall. I went to lunch with my mom, aunt, and my two cousins that I am especially close to, so it was a blessing to see them. I did order a salad, but I think that great bread they served before the meal was what put me over the edge. I was literally sick for putting to much food into my belly. My stomach is shrinking (which is a good thing) but I am still adjusting to it. I was supposed to go shopping with my mom afterwards, but I was wiped out. I ended up just coming home and taking a huge nap.
When my husband called to tell me he was on his way home, I tried to wake up (hahaha - what a lazy bum I am becoming). We ended up going to visit his parents tonight and got to see my sister in law and my godson, G. It was fun to hang out with them this evening. Praise God for good family visits. G is now 21 months and just so much fun right now.
While there we heard about a family who had a failed adoption recently and I was just so sad for them, I still can't understand why some families - couples facing IF - have to experience so many hardships. They were there at the hospital for the birth and paid so much to help care for the brithmom during her pregnany. It was just so sad, I will be praying for this couple for a long time. If you wish, you can join me - their name is Des and Josh. I pray that God rewards them with a child very soon.
I am telling you - the suffering of IF, m/c, adoption loss never leave your soul, you are forever changed. I have to say, God must have a reason for letting us suffer - the love He has for us never changes though.
Prayers continue, God's plans are being unfolded every second of the day!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Ugly Tears
Today was just not the best day I had in a long time.
I got some disappointing news yesterday about my file for unemployment and today I was determined to fix it. I thought I just messed up something on the online-registration.
Wrong!
After waiting for 75 minutes (yes, 75 - remember I live in LA where a huge amount of people have lost their jobs because of the crazy oil spill) to speak to a real live person, I am told that the reason benefits are unavailable for me is because I basically worked for a non-profit church (a diocese) and they never had to report our wages to Unemployment and they never had to pay unemployment insurance. I quickly turned around and called the HR dept. at the diocese and asked if this was true and they said "yes." I quickly said, why don't they tell all new hires this so that in the event something terrible happens (like what happened to me) they are fully buying into all of the 'costs' of working for the church. They said it is supposed to be told to all new hires, but that was not told to me and she said they would review the manuel to see if it is clearly stated there. I threw away my manuel, but I distinctly do not remember it in there. I knew that stuff backward and foward. They said I could speak to the chancellor, but at that point I had already had ugly tears streaming down my face that I could not bare to speak to another soul at that moment.
Many ugly tears later, where the cats are just staring at me, I call my Spiritual Director to tell her of the latest thorn and try to arrange another SD appt. I am drowning in self-pity by this time. When I call her and explain the situation, she is appalled. Utterly suprised and then again not suprised. Add to this the fact that a friend of my (a distant, but FB friend, etc) sent me a message this week that she stopped by the office that I worked in while she was on retreat and asked about where I was and they told her that I quit because I was pregnant and that since I had a history of m/c, I quit work to take care of myself. So in her message of "congratulations" on your pregnancy, she intuitively asked if that was the real reason I was not there anymore because it just did not add up. So I cleared it all up for her and told her the truth. Not in a gossipy way, just that I did not leave on my choice. Later in the week, the lady who told this friend this, the one I had been helping out ALOT, called me to chat and I clearly told her in no uncertain terms that they need to either tell people the truth about my departure or say NOTHING. She was suprised and denied ever saying this. Oh, well, I have the documentation in my inbox.
The ugly tears were not from the disappointment of just losing out on unemployment benefits, but just the whole manner in which I have not been cared for by the church, the Pro-life, lets be supportive in all circumstances church. I gave and gave and then gave some more, even after I left, I helped with their transition and this is what I get, nothing but shame.
In all honesty, I am not afraid to work, I just can only seem to find jobs that are for full-time and I really wanted to try to do just p/t work right now. I don't do well when I push myself too much and I can't see someone wanting to hire an high-risk pregnant lady who will need maternity leave in about 4 months. I could understand all of this actions if I had done something wrong, but I did nothing wrong. In the letter letting me know that I was losing my job - the only reason stated was "The vision changed . . . and your services are no longer needed." So needless to say, I worked there for three years, for a tiny wage and terrible work environment trying to build the body of Christ and here I am. I have nothing to show for it. I feel so beaten down.
My plan for tomorrow is to go to some temp agencies and apply. I have a good reputation and good work ethic. God will provide for all of my needs, I know it. Yesterday, I looked up at my battered Jesus on the Cross and told him I would love him, follow him at all costs. I meant it. I will not leave the church because of this tremendous pain. No matter where I would go, it would all be the same anyway. I will place my trust in God, not man.
Oh, and one last tidbit of my misery these past two weeks has been going to Mass. Last week, the priest asked me (in front of others) why I was not at my job anymore and I explained that I was let go, he then asked why, how long of a notice did they give you, etc. I cried the whole way home and then yesterday as I was preparing to walk down the aisle with the Gospels in hand for the procession - he leans over to me and asks "So, you're still unemployed?" Really, I think he is needing some social skills training. He is a good priest and falls in line of the priesthood of Christ, but the coldness of his manners STING. I pray for him and then next time he asks me "WHY" I plan to tell him to call the Bishop, I am sure he can explain things to you, but I am unsure myself.
I love my life, I love my faith, and I love the Church! I am not saying all of the above to be ugly, I am just aware that even people in the Church sometimes hurt the littlest birds of the sky not fully aware of their actions.
God, have mercy on me.
I got some disappointing news yesterday about my file for unemployment and today I was determined to fix it. I thought I just messed up something on the online-registration.
Wrong!
After waiting for 75 minutes (yes, 75 - remember I live in LA where a huge amount of people have lost their jobs because of the crazy oil spill) to speak to a real live person, I am told that the reason benefits are unavailable for me is because I basically worked for a non-profit church (a diocese) and they never had to report our wages to Unemployment and they never had to pay unemployment insurance. I quickly turned around and called the HR dept. at the diocese and asked if this was true and they said "yes." I quickly said, why don't they tell all new hires this so that in the event something terrible happens (like what happened to me) they are fully buying into all of the 'costs' of working for the church. They said it is supposed to be told to all new hires, but that was not told to me and she said they would review the manuel to see if it is clearly stated there. I threw away my manuel, but I distinctly do not remember it in there. I knew that stuff backward and foward. They said I could speak to the chancellor, but at that point I had already had ugly tears streaming down my face that I could not bare to speak to another soul at that moment.
Many ugly tears later, where the cats are just staring at me, I call my Spiritual Director to tell her of the latest thorn and try to arrange another SD appt. I am drowning in self-pity by this time. When I call her and explain the situation, she is appalled. Utterly suprised and then again not suprised. Add to this the fact that a friend of my (a distant, but FB friend, etc) sent me a message this week that she stopped by the office that I worked in while she was on retreat and asked about where I was and they told her that I quit because I was pregnant and that since I had a history of m/c, I quit work to take care of myself. So in her message of "congratulations" on your pregnancy, she intuitively asked if that was the real reason I was not there anymore because it just did not add up. So I cleared it all up for her and told her the truth. Not in a gossipy way, just that I did not leave on my choice. Later in the week, the lady who told this friend this, the one I had been helping out ALOT, called me to chat and I clearly told her in no uncertain terms that they need to either tell people the truth about my departure or say NOTHING. She was suprised and denied ever saying this. Oh, well, I have the documentation in my inbox.
The ugly tears were not from the disappointment of just losing out on unemployment benefits, but just the whole manner in which I have not been cared for by the church, the Pro-life, lets be supportive in all circumstances church. I gave and gave and then gave some more, even after I left, I helped with their transition and this is what I get, nothing but shame.
In all honesty, I am not afraid to work, I just can only seem to find jobs that are for full-time and I really wanted to try to do just p/t work right now. I don't do well when I push myself too much and I can't see someone wanting to hire an high-risk pregnant lady who will need maternity leave in about 4 months. I could understand all of this actions if I had done something wrong, but I did nothing wrong. In the letter letting me know that I was losing my job - the only reason stated was "The vision changed . . . and your services are no longer needed." So needless to say, I worked there for three years, for a tiny wage and terrible work environment trying to build the body of Christ and here I am. I have nothing to show for it. I feel so beaten down.
My plan for tomorrow is to go to some temp agencies and apply. I have a good reputation and good work ethic. God will provide for all of my needs, I know it. Yesterday, I looked up at my battered Jesus on the Cross and told him I would love him, follow him at all costs. I meant it. I will not leave the church because of this tremendous pain. No matter where I would go, it would all be the same anyway. I will place my trust in God, not man.
Oh, and one last tidbit of my misery these past two weeks has been going to Mass. Last week, the priest asked me (in front of others) why I was not at my job anymore and I explained that I was let go, he then asked why, how long of a notice did they give you, etc. I cried the whole way home and then yesterday as I was preparing to walk down the aisle with the Gospels in hand for the procession - he leans over to me and asks "So, you're still unemployed?" Really, I think he is needing some social skills training. He is a good priest and falls in line of the priesthood of Christ, but the coldness of his manners STING. I pray for him and then next time he asks me "WHY" I plan to tell him to call the Bishop, I am sure he can explain things to you, but I am unsure myself.
I love my life, I love my faith, and I love the Church! I am not saying all of the above to be ugly, I am just aware that even people in the Church sometimes hurt the littlest birds of the sky not fully aware of their actions.
God, have mercy on me.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Update
Thank you all so much for your prayers for our friend, Fr. Wayne. He is making progress. He is now completely off of the vent and was able to tell his Mom he loved her this afternoon. He is also able to move his limbs, praise God!!! Prayers are being answered! Thanks, again!
Friday, July 16, 2010
seven quick takes
-1- I have alot of plants that I keep on my deck, mainly flowers. Well, four of them died. Two died about a month ago and then two others died this past week. I couldn't figure out what was killing them, it looked like a poison had got to them, at first I blamed our exterminator. Well, I think just some bugs starting eating them, because this week I have been watching birds digging in the soil (are they after bugs??). Not sure why this is happening, but my heart is so soft, I absolutely hate when something I helped plant and nuture dies. On a good note, my Lily of the Valley plant is growing strong, Praise God!! There are six blooms!
-2- I don't know what to do with my appetite. I just don't eat what I should. I need to make me some lunch now, but I just keep putting it off. I always feel so much better after I eat. Last night my husband suprised me with my favorite po-boy, a Darrel's special. He got a whole one and we shared it. I love food, really love food, but I just don't have much of an appetite until around 3 0r 4 pm. I don't know what that is all about, but I do make sure I am getting a good breakfast and then a decent lunch. Gotta start somewhere. Oh, and pickles. They are a staple in our home :)
-3- Bailey, our cat, has to be near me at all times. She loves to curl up right near my belly and rest her head on my abdomen. My husband said the other day, I bet she can hear the baby move, I told him that I beleive the baby will come out thinking they are a cat because they will have already learned to purr. Pure craziness!
-4- I drink lots of water, so that equals lots of trips to the bathroom. No wonder, I am always thinking about stocking up on tp. It is a ridiculous thing about me. I blame it on living so far from a regular store, but I stock up on things and we have the best stocked pantry that we ever had. I may go overboard sometimes.
-5- I forgot to mention this earlier, but I did get approved for LA MOMs - a medicaid coverage for pg women who have no maternity. With just my husband's income, we barely qualified, but I am so glad we did. I get to keep my doctor and now we don't even have to pay copays, deductibles, etc. I know this sounds crazy, but God does have a funny way of working things out, now we have to see if we can pay our other bills :) hahahahhaa - just kidding. God makes a way where there seems to be NO WAY!
-6- I have been getting Parenting magazines in the mail and it stikes me as odd that they are coming in MY name!!!
-7- My blood pressure had to be through the roof this morning when my cell phone kept ringing. I miss most of my calls because the ring is so soft, so when I checked my voicemail they all asked me to call the back because they had news to share with me. Needless to say, when my family calls with news like that, I panic. It was my aunt who works with our priest friend. She was crying on the phone. Needless to say, it took awhile for the stress to subside. I was so glad to be a prayer warrior for him!!! I know he has done the same for me many times.
Prayers needed for a friend!**UPDATE**
I know we have some powerful prayer warriors, so I am asking your help.
We have a dear friend, Fr. W, who had a terrible accident and is now critical care, on Life Support and has many 3rd degree burns. He needs our prayers for healing!!!
Please pray!!!
________________
He is now in stable condition and his family has been told that he has burns on 22% of his body. He was at a 24hr Fitness Club and fell around the sauna area and I belelive he fell on the heating element/coals and when he fell, he became unconcious. He was there for abou 20 min before someone found him and at that time his body temp was up to 106. Our prayers are working and I greatly appreciate them. He has always been such a caring priest and loves his church very much. We also need to pray for his parish and parishoners.
We have a dear friend, Fr. W, who had a terrible accident and is now critical care, on Life Support and has many 3rd degree burns. He needs our prayers for healing!!!
Please pray!!!
________________
He is now in stable condition and his family has been told that he has burns on 22% of his body. He was at a 24hr Fitness Club and fell around the sauna area and I belelive he fell on the heating element/coals and when he fell, he became unconcious. He was there for abou 20 min before someone found him and at that time his body temp was up to 106. Our prayers are working and I greatly appreciate them. He has always been such a caring priest and loves his church very much. We also need to pray for his parish and parishoners.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Reveal
I am sitting in the doctor's office yesterday and I realized I had to write this post.
The truth of the matter is I am no good at being a happy, pregnant mom! I panic over the smallest things and freak out of the slightest little sliver of pain because of my great fear. I do have my moments of utter joy and celebration, don't get me wrong :)
I don't know how to be pregnant. I don't know how to fit in with all of the pregnant women/happy mothers right now. I can fake my way through it sometimes, but sometimes I just feel so vulnerable. Just the other day, when a friend and I were walking, her other friend joined (this is one phenomenal lady, by the way) us and my friend told her I was pregnant. The newcomer leaped for joy - I mean jumping up and down full of pure excitement at the glory of God!!! She had just given birth to her second child recently and is just so thrilled by everyone who loves babies as much as she does. I loved, loved her reaction and it was the absolute best one that I have witnessed on the mention of this child's existence, but I still felt a bit uncomfortable. Then my dear friend told her my story . . . I had never heard someone tell my story to someone so that they will acknowledge the other two babies that are in the presence of God. She even told her "She had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy last year, she almost died." Now that right there puts everything into perspective.
I sometimes forget how blessed I am to even be alive right now - how incredibly blessed I am to be carrying a new life in my womb (where a baby is meant to grow). I stand in awe of God's mercies daily!!!
So back to my honest feelings - I don't know how to adequately gauge if all of the pregnancy symptoms I feel are just normal, regular pregnant things.
My most clear issue is that I get cramping (mild stomach discomfort) and it worries me and every single time so far, it has to do with my bowels. I don't remember any friend of mine telling me that alot of the discomfort I will feel will be due to bowel issues!! It is strange. I try not to share everything with my husband, but he does know about this!!! I also mostly have pulling pain (stretching) on my left side. I can only imagine that it is related to scar tissue from the removal of my left tube. It really is not so bad and for someone who had never experienced a loss of a pregnancy or IF they probably would never notice it.
I do get a little shook up at times because it just seems like I am living another life. Last night, I just looked at my belly and wondered "How is there really a little, precious baby in there???" It boggles my mind. I just keep telling myself that once I have a successful pregnancy, the next one (God willing) will not be so difficult because I will have a good experience as my memory. On a funny note, one day when I was especially worried my husband told me "I think this will be our only child, this is too much drama!!" I have tried to tone it down from that point on, but I still worry.
I also get worn out easily. I have so much in my mind that I want to accomplish, but once I get started, I poop out quickly. Today's job is to take all of the books from the room that will be the nursery and put them on a small bookcase in our bedroom. I am repurposing all kinds of furniture in our home :) Gotta make it work somehow and we have a small house so we can't just keep adding things!! I found a small narrow 3 shelf bookcase that is in our bathroom and will use it for the books. I will take the short bookcase that currently holds all the books and use that at the bootom of the closet in the nursery to have a place to store shoes, baskets for odd and end things, etc. We have some great baskets that I got at Lo.we's a long time ago - so I am REPURPOSING those!!! I feel empowered making use of all the things we currently have on hand.
We really don't need alot for the baby: a crib, dresser (one that we will use to double as a changer and my fil will probably build that for us once we get the wood), carseat/stroller, baby swing (I really want this), a space saver high chair, bathtub, and the rest of the essentials. Does that sound like a lot? Of course we will need more clothes, burp clothes, etc, but those are the favorite things people like to buy for a new baby ;) At least I know I do!!!
I already have a good selection of 0-3 year old toys, a few good sets of clothes (thank God we have friends who are willing to share), a old time baby walker, boppy, a few good baby videos (Praise Baby), etc.
A friend asked me what kinds of things do you want at your shower? I laughed and said diapers and wipes :) hahahahahaha!!! People are so generous and kind, we are so thankful!!!
I am not sure if I will want to use the bumper, crib skirt I picked out! I have time to decide :) It could really work if I find the right accessories for the room.
Ok, I am feeling better!!! Talking about preparing for the baby makes me so much happier. Two nights ago, I washed all of the baby clothes from the garages sales and put them in drawers. I got to use the Dreft we bought (that stuff smells so good). I did not divide everything up by size yet. The funniest thing is that we have more than a few little baby caps!!! They are so cute and just make me long for that newborn babe even more.
Blessings to you all, I pray for you daily and please know how thankful we are for your continued prayers and support!!
The truth of the matter is I am no good at being a happy, pregnant mom! I panic over the smallest things and freak out of the slightest little sliver of pain because of my great fear. I do have my moments of utter joy and celebration, don't get me wrong :)
I don't know how to be pregnant. I don't know how to fit in with all of the pregnant women/happy mothers right now. I can fake my way through it sometimes, but sometimes I just feel so vulnerable. Just the other day, when a friend and I were walking, her other friend joined (this is one phenomenal lady, by the way) us and my friend told her I was pregnant. The newcomer leaped for joy - I mean jumping up and down full of pure excitement at the glory of God!!! She had just given birth to her second child recently and is just so thrilled by everyone who loves babies as much as she does. I loved, loved her reaction and it was the absolute best one that I have witnessed on the mention of this child's existence, but I still felt a bit uncomfortable. Then my dear friend told her my story . . . I had never heard someone tell my story to someone so that they will acknowledge the other two babies that are in the presence of God. She even told her "She had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy last year, she almost died." Now that right there puts everything into perspective.
I sometimes forget how blessed I am to even be alive right now - how incredibly blessed I am to be carrying a new life in my womb (where a baby is meant to grow). I stand in awe of God's mercies daily!!!
So back to my honest feelings - I don't know how to adequately gauge if all of the pregnancy symptoms I feel are just normal, regular pregnant things.
My most clear issue is that I get cramping (mild stomach discomfort) and it worries me and every single time so far, it has to do with my bowels. I don't remember any friend of mine telling me that alot of the discomfort I will feel will be due to bowel issues!! It is strange. I try not to share everything with my husband, but he does know about this!!! I also mostly have pulling pain (stretching) on my left side. I can only imagine that it is related to scar tissue from the removal of my left tube. It really is not so bad and for someone who had never experienced a loss of a pregnancy or IF they probably would never notice it.
I do get a little shook up at times because it just seems like I am living another life. Last night, I just looked at my belly and wondered "How is there really a little, precious baby in there???" It boggles my mind. I just keep telling myself that once I have a successful pregnancy, the next one (God willing) will not be so difficult because I will have a good experience as my memory. On a funny note, one day when I was especially worried my husband told me "I think this will be our only child, this is too much drama!!" I have tried to tone it down from that point on, but I still worry.
I also get worn out easily. I have so much in my mind that I want to accomplish, but once I get started, I poop out quickly. Today's job is to take all of the books from the room that will be the nursery and put them on a small bookcase in our bedroom. I am repurposing all kinds of furniture in our home :) Gotta make it work somehow and we have a small house so we can't just keep adding things!! I found a small narrow 3 shelf bookcase that is in our bathroom and will use it for the books. I will take the short bookcase that currently holds all the books and use that at the bootom of the closet in the nursery to have a place to store shoes, baskets for odd and end things, etc. We have some great baskets that I got at Lo.we's a long time ago - so I am REPURPOSING those!!! I feel empowered making use of all the things we currently have on hand.
We really don't need alot for the baby: a crib, dresser (one that we will use to double as a changer and my fil will probably build that for us once we get the wood), carseat/stroller, baby swing (I really want this), a space saver high chair, bathtub, and the rest of the essentials. Does that sound like a lot? Of course we will need more clothes, burp clothes, etc, but those are the favorite things people like to buy for a new baby ;) At least I know I do!!!
I already have a good selection of 0-3 year old toys, a few good sets of clothes (thank God we have friends who are willing to share), a old time baby walker, boppy, a few good baby videos (Praise Baby), etc.
A friend asked me what kinds of things do you want at your shower? I laughed and said diapers and wipes :) hahahahahaha!!! People are so generous and kind, we are so thankful!!!
I am not sure if I will want to use the bumper, crib skirt I picked out! I have time to decide :) It could really work if I find the right accessories for the room.
Ok, I am feeling better!!! Talking about preparing for the baby makes me so much happier. Two nights ago, I washed all of the baby clothes from the garages sales and put them in drawers. I got to use the Dreft we bought (that stuff smells so good). I did not divide everything up by size yet. The funniest thing is that we have more than a few little baby caps!!! They are so cute and just make me long for that newborn babe even more.
Blessings to you all, I pray for you daily and please know how thankful we are for your continued prayers and support!!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Falling in love . . .
I fell in love today. . .
with a precious little spine!
I fell in love today . . .
with the beautiful face of our baby!!!
You could clearly see the eyes and nose and don’t forget that precious spine!!! Something about see that gorgeous spine brought me utter joy!!! Seeing those bones formed and still maturing – there is a precious baby growing in my womb!!! Praise God!!
I was only supposed to go in to have the fetal heart monitor tell us the baby’s heartbeat, but Little Bit was squirming so much – all she could hear was them jumping around – she could not get the heartbeat to come through clear enough!! I will admit – I was praying as I laid on that table and finally she said “Heck, this is taking too long, let’s go see this baby!” So we went to the u/s room and saw the most beautiful little baby!!! We saw that little heart working overtime ;)
I got to ask a few questions, then headed out.
My mind plays so many tricks on me!!! I have to admit I go in with great anxiety. I had some odd stomach pain on Monday after talking to a billing dept, I think it was stress – but after I relaxed in a tub of warm water, I felt better. I also did a lot of sleeping this weekend. I was just super tired and think there must have been a growth spurt or something. I do not write the about the depth of my fears because they are just so traumatizing. She was going to look to see if she could find out our baby’s gender, but I told her if she found out to write it down and my husband and I would look at the paper tonight together! How tempting was that!!! Thank goodness the baby would not face forward and show themselves!!! As much as I am ready to know, I wanted my husband there with me to see the baby together!!!
My heart is singing joyfully right now!
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Ps 139:13
with a precious little spine!
I fell in love today . . .
with the beautiful face of our baby!!!
You could clearly see the eyes and nose and don’t forget that precious spine!!! Something about see that gorgeous spine brought me utter joy!!! Seeing those bones formed and still maturing – there is a precious baby growing in my womb!!! Praise God!!
I was only supposed to go in to have the fetal heart monitor tell us the baby’s heartbeat, but Little Bit was squirming so much – all she could hear was them jumping around – she could not get the heartbeat to come through clear enough!! I will admit – I was praying as I laid on that table and finally she said “Heck, this is taking too long, let’s go see this baby!” So we went to the u/s room and saw the most beautiful little baby!!! We saw that little heart working overtime ;)
I got to ask a few questions, then headed out.
My mind plays so many tricks on me!!! I have to admit I go in with great anxiety. I had some odd stomach pain on Monday after talking to a billing dept, I think it was stress – but after I relaxed in a tub of warm water, I felt better. I also did a lot of sleeping this weekend. I was just super tired and think there must have been a growth spurt or something. I do not write the about the depth of my fears because they are just so traumatizing. She was going to look to see if she could find out our baby’s gender, but I told her if she found out to write it down and my husband and I would look at the paper tonight together! How tempting was that!!! Thank goodness the baby would not face forward and show themselves!!! As much as I am ready to know, I wanted my husband there with me to see the baby together!!!
My heart is singing joyfully right now!
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Ps 139:13
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Visit to the Vet
It has been time for Baylie to get her annual shots (she is now 14 mo. old)!! Well, I have to make a special trip (22 miles) from home just to bring her and it is the only thing that I can really do in town on a day she is with me in the car. We usually try to get the most out of each trip to town, but twice a year we just make the trip for her shots or Daisy's shots and QUICKLY return!!
Putting her in the carrier was a HUGE endeavor :O!!! I ended up with more cat hair on me than on her it seemed. I did have my hair in a nice ponytail but it was all falling out and then I had a cute pink shirt filled with cat hair and I just had to get it over with. I did not back track. I just went to the vet looking like a mess. She seemed like she was in trauma - she cried almost the whole way there, I ended up opening the carrier a bit and let her rest her head on my hand! That did not last long because she was using all of her 9lb strength to get out of that carrier. I had to hurry, zip it back up, and stay on the road. I did not bring the bigger carrier because it is heavier and these days I don't like lifting heavy things.
So, once we get there- she does well but cries with the last shot. It broke my heart. How will I bring my baby to get their shots, only by the grace of God :)
She DID NOT utter a peep the whole way home!!! Once she got home, I gave her some treats, Daisy too! She checked out the wicked pet carrier - from the outside, of course and immediatley began pestering Daisy! I thought for sure she would go hide under the bed and sleep it off, but no, she is laying in my lap as I am typing this!! She is one funny cat. Gotta love her!
No more shots or vet visits (I hope) until Daisy's in January. That ought to be fun, she is the bigger of the two. My husband is going to have to help with that one!!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Celebrating Life
Today was a fun day!
I was able to meet a fellow blogger, Stacey, from Stacey's Thoughts on Infertility at her Baby Shower!!!!
What a complete miracle!!!
It is completely amazing that God has brought so many friendships together simply because we have all carried the cross of IF and loss!! Praise God that we were gathered today to celebrate her little girl's life, Lily Rae!! There were tears of joy shared at how God has moved mountains and been the true strength in helping my dear friend find herself at this joyous day - celebrating life in her own womb!!!
I remember when she made her pregnancy announcement with Lily!! I was so excited for her and her dear husband!! Congratulations Stacey!! You and your husband are going to be amazing parents and it was so glorious to see you all celebrating the precious life of Lily!
On a side note, it was my first ever Baby Shower being pregnant and I still cried . . . but this time there were tears of joy for my friend, the one I blogged with and just met today for the first time!! She has been such a supporter and encourager and I am blessed by this new found friendship!!
May God's richest blessings surround your family, Stacey!! Thank you for allowing me to celebrate with you all today!!
Of course, I forgot my camera!! It was a miracle I got there on time with the gift in hand! Hopefully she will post some pictures when she has time!!
I have always said that God's handprints are all over our blogs - God has called us to pray for one another and to celebrate with one another!! I remember years ago listening to Joy.ce Mey.er on the radio and she said we have to pray for God to send us holy friends - those who share our jouney and understand our goals to glorify Him! At that time, I was feeling overwhelmed being an IF girl in a world of abundant fertility! I remember praying for my future friends for a long time and all of you precious bloggers are an answer to that plea to God!! I am so thankful that God did answer that prayer!!
I was able to meet a fellow blogger, Stacey, from Stacey's Thoughts on Infertility at her Baby Shower!!!!
What a complete miracle!!!
It is completely amazing that God has brought so many friendships together simply because we have all carried the cross of IF and loss!! Praise God that we were gathered today to celebrate her little girl's life, Lily Rae!! There were tears of joy shared at how God has moved mountains and been the true strength in helping my dear friend find herself at this joyous day - celebrating life in her own womb!!!
I remember when she made her pregnancy announcement with Lily!! I was so excited for her and her dear husband!! Congratulations Stacey!! You and your husband are going to be amazing parents and it was so glorious to see you all celebrating the precious life of Lily!
On a side note, it was my first ever Baby Shower being pregnant and I still cried . . . but this time there were tears of joy for my friend, the one I blogged with and just met today for the first time!! She has been such a supporter and encourager and I am blessed by this new found friendship!!
May God's richest blessings surround your family, Stacey!! Thank you for allowing me to celebrate with you all today!!
Of course, I forgot my camera!! It was a miracle I got there on time with the gift in hand! Hopefully she will post some pictures when she has time!!
I have always said that God's handprints are all over our blogs - God has called us to pray for one another and to celebrate with one another!! I remember years ago listening to Joy.ce Mey.er on the radio and she said we have to pray for God to send us holy friends - those who share our jouney and understand our goals to glorify Him! At that time, I was feeling overwhelmed being an IF girl in a world of abundant fertility! I remember praying for my future friends for a long time and all of you precious bloggers are an answer to that plea to God!! I am so thankful that God did answer that prayer!!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Good Things
Yesterday was a good day. Praise God, I need those!
I was able to help someone with some work that they needed and they took me out to lunch afterwards. It was nice to visit and it is so great to know that I can be friends with people of all ages.
I then headed to the library and checked out two books on pregnancy. Yes, I am just curious about what to "NOT" worry about. I am feeling so much more confidient and happy! Praying that the good health continues for both the baby and I.
I even got to check out two pretty decent DVDs to watch over the weekend. Free. I love the sound of "FREE"!
I then headed over to my mom's house to take her to pay a few bills and to look for some things for her house at Ros.s and Targe.t. We had a great time. At the first stop, she got down to pay her gas bill and as I was looking around - I saw something in the grass and I thought I was losing my mind. What I saw looked like cash, so I got out of the vehicle and walked to the grassy area and it was cash!!! I found a $20 bill. I was as excited as if I would have won the lottery :) Funny thing is, I was planning to buy a bulk amount of tp to keep in the closet (we like the really soft, thick kind and when it is on sale we buy it and store it) and so this was my ticket :) I was even able to spend the rest of the money on a jar of pickles (hahaha - don't leave a store without them) and some other housecleaning things! Fun!! Then my mom bought me two nice sleeveless shirts that she found at Targe.t for me that are long enough to cover the maternity panel on the shorts I have :) Woo Hoo! I am not particulary gaining weight, as much as it is shifting. I have actually been losing weight, despite eating regular meals. I was always on the heavy side, so I think the experts beleive that this is perfectly normal. Praise God.
So far today, I have done almost nothing. I woke up at 9am - I love my sleep these days and can barely make myself stay up now. I cleaned the kitchen, washed towels, stripped the bed and washed the sheets - maybe that is why I am not in bed :) I need to wait for them to dry then I can crawl in! I really can't fathom only getting a few hours of sleep a night. One day at a time though. I am just so lazy . . . I barely could get myself dressed to drive to the post office. I am also fighting some crazy sinus/allergy things and it makes my head hurt. I have been sneezing alot, I just wish it would stop!!
I got the call from the nurse yesterday that my progesterone levels are looking good, they were drawn on 7/6/10 and my level then was 39.2 (almost zone 3). I was so happy. That was the highlight of my day, I will continue on my meds (PIO and oral prog. 2xd) and do another draw in two weeks. We shall see. I was almost hoping that I could decrease some of the meds, but I am just not sure. Is anyone on the Glucophage/Metformin during their pregnancy? One more thing, when do they usually try to start weaning you off of the t3? Is that around 24/26 weeks? These are the things that have been on my mind!
On of my most fun finds yesterday at R.oss was a super cute, very girly crib sheet!!! It was only $2.99 and precious! My mom was buying a tablecloth and placemats so she spoiled me and picked it up ;) It is the first thing I bought that is girly, I know that I should not have done so, but I figured I could always pass it on to a friend for a shower gift as needed it if we are blessed with a precious boy :) Or, I can always donate it.
I was able to help someone with some work that they needed and they took me out to lunch afterwards. It was nice to visit and it is so great to know that I can be friends with people of all ages.
I then headed to the library and checked out two books on pregnancy. Yes, I am just curious about what to "NOT" worry about. I am feeling so much more confidient and happy! Praying that the good health continues for both the baby and I.
I even got to check out two pretty decent DVDs to watch over the weekend. Free. I love the sound of "FREE"!
I then headed over to my mom's house to take her to pay a few bills and to look for some things for her house at Ros.s and Targe.t. We had a great time. At the first stop, she got down to pay her gas bill and as I was looking around - I saw something in the grass and I thought I was losing my mind. What I saw looked like cash, so I got out of the vehicle and walked to the grassy area and it was cash!!! I found a $20 bill. I was as excited as if I would have won the lottery :) Funny thing is, I was planning to buy a bulk amount of tp to keep in the closet (we like the really soft, thick kind and when it is on sale we buy it and store it) and so this was my ticket :) I was even able to spend the rest of the money on a jar of pickles (hahaha - don't leave a store without them) and some other housecleaning things! Fun!! Then my mom bought me two nice sleeveless shirts that she found at Targe.t for me that are long enough to cover the maternity panel on the shorts I have :) Woo Hoo! I am not particulary gaining weight, as much as it is shifting. I have actually been losing weight, despite eating regular meals. I was always on the heavy side, so I think the experts beleive that this is perfectly normal. Praise God.
So far today, I have done almost nothing. I woke up at 9am - I love my sleep these days and can barely make myself stay up now. I cleaned the kitchen, washed towels, stripped the bed and washed the sheets - maybe that is why I am not in bed :) I need to wait for them to dry then I can crawl in! I really can't fathom only getting a few hours of sleep a night. One day at a time though. I am just so lazy . . . I barely could get myself dressed to drive to the post office. I am also fighting some crazy sinus/allergy things and it makes my head hurt. I have been sneezing alot, I just wish it would stop!!
I got the call from the nurse yesterday that my progesterone levels are looking good, they were drawn on 7/6/10 and my level then was 39.2 (almost zone 3). I was so happy. That was the highlight of my day, I will continue on my meds (PIO and oral prog. 2xd) and do another draw in two weeks. We shall see. I was almost hoping that I could decrease some of the meds, but I am just not sure. Is anyone on the Glucophage/Metformin during their pregnancy? One more thing, when do they usually try to start weaning you off of the t3? Is that around 24/26 weeks? These are the things that have been on my mind!
On of my most fun finds yesterday at R.oss was a super cute, very girly crib sheet!!! It was only $2.99 and precious! My mom was buying a tablecloth and placemats so she spoiled me and picked it up ;) It is the first thing I bought that is girly, I know that I should not have done so, but I figured I could always pass it on to a friend for a shower gift as needed it if we are blessed with a precious boy :) Or, I can always donate it.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Thanks!!!
Thanks so much for all of your recent prayers!! We are so thankful!!
I can't describe how I felt just know that we were being lifted up in prayer, I felt a tremendous burden being lifted and I just enjoyed the day yesterday and so far today is going well, too!
I ended up starting my day at the lab (woo hoo) early yesterday and my friend who I was planning to walk with at her club forot because she ended up making a "DONUT DATE" for her kids and three other Moms with their kids. I was not bothered by her forgetting our plans, I forget things now and I am only taking care of myself :) She was so excited I was not working (hahaha) because I could join their little get together. Since it was still early and Iwanted to exercise, I went to the mall and walked! I was so proud of myself!! Then I rewarded myself with two donuts at my friends house :) I probably did not even burn enough calories walking to cover those two donuts!!! It was so good though and the company was amazing!! I felt so gifted to be around this amazing women who get what it means to live out Catholic motherhood with purpose!!! I loved it!! I have some of the most amazing friends ever! Two of the ladies were new to me, but I felt completely at ease around them. There were four moms, me, and their twelve kids (seven years old and under)!!!! I loved it all!!! All the sticky hands, good manners, outbursts ;) It gave me a glimpse at what my future looks like at this point.
I ended up staying almost all day and checked my phone to see if the insurance lady called and she never did. So I was determined to enjoy my day and live out "JOY"!
One of the most suprising and generous moments was when my friend offered to throw a shower for the me and the baby!!! I really did not grasp the generousity of her offer until later when I was telling my husband about it!! He was thrilled and it just got me even more excited. This friend of mine is the most gracious host and so generously gifted in kindness that I just felt complete peace that she was offering to help with all of it. I immediately told her of another friend of my who offered to help whoever would lead all of the shower planning!!! This other friend is amazing, generous, and such a huge supporter of Jessy and I throughout this journey - she is also so creatively gifted and so my friend who offered to help plan the shower was thrilled that my other friend is willing to help. I have a host of other friends and family who are offering assistance, so I am just filled with gratitude right now - suprised by the love that people are showing us!!! I am getting so excited . . . . but I have to admit, I think that I will be a ball of nerves when the shower rolls around. I am not much for being the center of attention and I still feel like an imposter ;) That being said, I am just so happy that friends of mine are planning to offer such a gift of time and talent!! Our hearts are thankful!!!!
The friend who offered to plan the shower is the same friend that I had the hardest time with her first pregnancy, the jealousy was outrageous -we had similar due dates (only a two years apart - pathetic, I know) and I remember just having to prepare myself for weeks to survive her shower. Not because I was not happy for her, I was just so unhappy that I could not get pregnant!! I have always been so thankful for all of my friends babies, the gift of life is precious, I would just sometimes get jealous that their bodies did not betray them the way mine had done. In hindsight, I wish I could change those emotions I experienced, but they were necessary. I was at the hospital when her first child was born and I left the room crying. What was wrong with me??? From that moment on, this friend knew how much I wanted a baby and she prayed for me and I think that is why I am just blown away at her generous spirit!!! I think that our friendship has been gifted with so much forgiveness, for that I am thankful that God allows me to know forgivess and love. When this same friend found out about her third pregnancy -she borught me a rose and a card (at work) to let me know. I remember that day so vividly!!! I cried tears of joy for thier family!!! I called her immediately with a heartfelt congratulations and offering support!!! I was thrilled that their family was growing, by that stage in my life it was not about what I did not have, but about celebrating the joy of others. My excitement was genuine, praise GOD!!!! God had done a mighty work in my heart over the years!!! Thank you sweet Jesus!!!
In other news, I think we may qualify for the state insurance program I was applying for and I am so relieved!!! I got to talk to the rep today and I found out why they were requesting more income verification. I explained to them that the months that they were requesting were months that I was working and bringing in a somewhat decent amount of money and had insuarnce - so we would not have qualified. I explained that we needed coverarage from July 1 through the duration of this pregnancy and post-partum (6 wks). She was fine with that and said we should have a letter in the mail soon!! PRAISE GOD!!!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS!!! Yall are moving mountains in my life!!!
FYI - Bailey is sleeping on my lap as I am typing this and has her head right next to where the babe is growing!!! Either the baby will like her or not, but if anything the baby will recognize her purrrrrr!!! Gotta love it :)
I can't describe how I felt just know that we were being lifted up in prayer, I felt a tremendous burden being lifted and I just enjoyed the day yesterday and so far today is going well, too!
I ended up starting my day at the lab (woo hoo) early yesterday and my friend who I was planning to walk with at her club forot because she ended up making a "DONUT DATE" for her kids and three other Moms with their kids. I was not bothered by her forgetting our plans, I forget things now and I am only taking care of myself :) She was so excited I was not working (hahaha) because I could join their little get together. Since it was still early and Iwanted to exercise, I went to the mall and walked! I was so proud of myself!! Then I rewarded myself with two donuts at my friends house :) I probably did not even burn enough calories walking to cover those two donuts!!! It was so good though and the company was amazing!! I felt so gifted to be around this amazing women who get what it means to live out Catholic motherhood with purpose!!! I loved it!! I have some of the most amazing friends ever! Two of the ladies were new to me, but I felt completely at ease around them. There were four moms, me, and their twelve kids (seven years old and under)!!!! I loved it all!!! All the sticky hands, good manners, outbursts ;) It gave me a glimpse at what my future looks like at this point.
I ended up staying almost all day and checked my phone to see if the insurance lady called and she never did. So I was determined to enjoy my day and live out "JOY"!
One of the most suprising and generous moments was when my friend offered to throw a shower for the me and the baby!!! I really did not grasp the generousity of her offer until later when I was telling my husband about it!! He was thrilled and it just got me even more excited. This friend of mine is the most gracious host and so generously gifted in kindness that I just felt complete peace that she was offering to help with all of it. I immediately told her of another friend of my who offered to help whoever would lead all of the shower planning!!! This other friend is amazing, generous, and such a huge supporter of Jessy and I throughout this journey - she is also so creatively gifted and so my friend who offered to help plan the shower was thrilled that my other friend is willing to help. I have a host of other friends and family who are offering assistance, so I am just filled with gratitude right now - suprised by the love that people are showing us!!! I am getting so excited . . . . but I have to admit, I think that I will be a ball of nerves when the shower rolls around. I am not much for being the center of attention and I still feel like an imposter ;) That being said, I am just so happy that friends of mine are planning to offer such a gift of time and talent!! Our hearts are thankful!!!!
The friend who offered to plan the shower is the same friend that I had the hardest time with her first pregnancy, the jealousy was outrageous -we had similar due dates (only a two years apart - pathetic, I know) and I remember just having to prepare myself for weeks to survive her shower. Not because I was not happy for her, I was just so unhappy that I could not get pregnant!! I have always been so thankful for all of my friends babies, the gift of life is precious, I would just sometimes get jealous that their bodies did not betray them the way mine had done. In hindsight, I wish I could change those emotions I experienced, but they were necessary. I was at the hospital when her first child was born and I left the room crying. What was wrong with me??? From that moment on, this friend knew how much I wanted a baby and she prayed for me and I think that is why I am just blown away at her generous spirit!!! I think that our friendship has been gifted with so much forgiveness, for that I am thankful that God allows me to know forgivess and love. When this same friend found out about her third pregnancy -she borught me a rose and a card (at work) to let me know. I remember that day so vividly!!! I cried tears of joy for thier family!!! I called her immediately with a heartfelt congratulations and offering support!!! I was thrilled that their family was growing, by that stage in my life it was not about what I did not have, but about celebrating the joy of others. My excitement was genuine, praise GOD!!!! God had done a mighty work in my heart over the years!!! Thank you sweet Jesus!!!
In other news, I think we may qualify for the state insurance program I was applying for and I am so relieved!!! I got to talk to the rep today and I found out why they were requesting more income verification. I explained to them that the months that they were requesting were months that I was working and bringing in a somewhat decent amount of money and had insuarnce - so we would not have qualified. I explained that we needed coverarage from July 1 through the duration of this pregnancy and post-partum (6 wks). She was fine with that and said we should have a letter in the mail soon!! PRAISE GOD!!!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS!!! Yall are moving mountains in my life!!!
FYI - Bailey is sleeping on my lap as I am typing this and has her head right next to where the babe is growing!!! Either the baby will like her or not, but if anything the baby will recognize her purrrrrr!!! Gotta love it :)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Trust
I am having to learn to trust God in a whole new way right now and it is very difficult for me to let go of my sense of 'control' although I have absolutely no 'control' of the situation I am in right now.
I am going a bit crazy knowing that I have no more income and feeling tremendously stressed by the fact that we may not qualify for the state's insurance program for low-income pregnant mothers.
I have been trusting up to this point that God has all of it taken care of, but I am feeling so terribly vulnerable right now. My stomach hurts to even think about it all.
Today is my day to do the lab work for my progesterone levels and the first time I am going in without any insurance coverage to cover anything related to this precious pregnancy. My husband is not as worried, he said regardless of insurance, money, etc - a baby is coming and we need to prepare for them. I love my dear husband.
Don't worry, I am not allowing my stress to overpower my thankfulness for this precious growing baby, I am actually writing it all out, so I can hopefully leave it here.
I have been feeling well, just slightly sick to my stomach right now. I am supposed to go walking with a dear friend this morning after the visit to the lab.
I do need prayers, so if you find time, please lift one up for us!
Our Lady, Undoer of Knots, Pray for Us.
I am going a bit crazy knowing that I have no more income and feeling tremendously stressed by the fact that we may not qualify for the state's insurance program for low-income pregnant mothers.
I have been trusting up to this point that God has all of it taken care of, but I am feeling so terribly vulnerable right now. My stomach hurts to even think about it all.
Today is my day to do the lab work for my progesterone levels and the first time I am going in without any insurance coverage to cover anything related to this precious pregnancy. My husband is not as worried, he said regardless of insurance, money, etc - a baby is coming and we need to prepare for them. I love my dear husband.
Don't worry, I am not allowing my stress to overpower my thankfulness for this precious growing baby, I am actually writing it all out, so I can hopefully leave it here.
I have been feeling well, just slightly sick to my stomach right now. I am supposed to go walking with a dear friend this morning after the visit to the lab.
I do need prayers, so if you find time, please lift one up for us!
Our Lady, Undoer of Knots, Pray for Us.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Prayer Buddy & other Ramblings
I am so happy to be a part of the Prayer Buddy - Summer Edition :)
I am so thankful for all of the work JBTC & TCIE did to make it all happen! Thank you ladies! Special graces should come to you both for organizing this!
I have to say I am thrilled with the prayer buddy I have this time, but I am feeling a bit of pressure ;) hahahahaha! Gotta get on my knees pronto!!
In other news, my mom is getting out of the hospital this evening! She called my sweet hubs her lucky charm because it was after our visit that the doctor came in and discussed her release! Praise God, she was getting so restless and she was missing her cat-babies, Polly & Lucky!
After the visit, I was STARVING!!! My appetite has returned in FULL FORCE! I am staying hungry - I keep telling my husband that the baby is hungry so that he will feed me :) Thankfully, we have an amazingly generous neighbor who keeps bringing us delicious fresh vegetables, so at least I am making such better choices!!
I have been stockpiling essential items for the house. We are being very frugal and we are getting some pretty good deals. I even did some strategic grocery shopping recently and stocked the pantry and freezer. Everything I bought was on sale and I ended up saving about 98% of the grocery bill! We have few more essentials we need to purchase, but so far we are making progress. We were supposed to go away this weekend to celebrate our anniversary, but we realized we don't need to go away and spend money to find romance, praise God. Let the sacrifices begin :) All will be well, God will provide!
I am so thankful for all of the work JBTC & TCIE did to make it all happen! Thank you ladies! Special graces should come to you both for organizing this!
I have to say I am thrilled with the prayer buddy I have this time, but I am feeling a bit of pressure ;) hahahahaha! Gotta get on my knees pronto!!
In other news, my mom is getting out of the hospital this evening! She called my sweet hubs her lucky charm because it was after our visit that the doctor came in and discussed her release! Praise God, she was getting so restless and she was missing her cat-babies, Polly & Lucky!
After the visit, I was STARVING!!! My appetite has returned in FULL FORCE! I am staying hungry - I keep telling my husband that the baby is hungry so that he will feed me :) Thankfully, we have an amazingly generous neighbor who keeps bringing us delicious fresh vegetables, so at least I am making such better choices!!
I have been stockpiling essential items for the house. We are being very frugal and we are getting some pretty good deals. I even did some strategic grocery shopping recently and stocked the pantry and freezer. Everything I bought was on sale and I ended up saving about 98% of the grocery bill! We have few more essentials we need to purchase, but so far we are making progress. We were supposed to go away this weekend to celebrate our anniversary, but we realized we don't need to go away and spend money to find romance, praise God. Let the sacrifices begin :) All will be well, God will provide!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)