Not much . . .

"Not much" is a good thing. I got the ultrasound on the area the doctor was concerned about on my breast. It feels weird to talk about this, but this is my reality right now. My family history of breast cancer is not good, so I think this doctor was super cautious.

The only thing about the appointment was that it had to be done at a local hospital and the radiology department is in the same lobby as the e/r. Really long wait. I am forgetting to eat in the mornings, I used to be starved when I would wake up before my pregnancy, but not now. I have to literally make myself eat. Today was the first day of pronounced nausea. I had mild bouts with it last week and this past weekend, but it was pronounced today. I should be completely thankful and I really am. I want something about this pregnancy to really feel like it is going the way it should. The only other symptom I have is running constantly to the bathroom, but I am also drinking about 80 oz of water a day. I have managed to really curtail my desire for coke. I am not a coffee drinker so that helps. Probably since I found out I was pregnant, I have had 5 soft drinks. Not too bad, I don't think.

I took the day off from work, had a crazy sinus headache or at least that is what it felt like. I am soon off to take a nap! I needed a low stress day and praise God, I got one.

Thanks for all your encouraging words and support regarding my work situation. I do believe that somehow justice will be given. I may not ever know of it, but what is done in darkness is always revealed in the light. I pray for their souls. I was reminded yesterday by my Spiritual Director that Jesus said "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing."

The priest that will take over in one year, asked me to stay for one year and changes will come. If I could just hang in there, things will be better. He is the one I consulted with to finally try to get a better job environment for myself and I am not going to be able to do it. I have tried to walk a fine line with no mistakes, but with false accusations being made, I barely have the strength to keep fighting.

I was actually told yesterday by the priest who said he was unhappy with my job performance that "He had to have peace in the office, and so somehow one of us would have to go." He also said based on my myers-briggs personality test that I need to develop better thinking skills. And last but not least, when he found out I was pregnant he told me "Well, don't you think it would be safer for the baby for you to be on bedrest so you won't lose this one too?" When did he become a medical doctor? And who says that to a woman who is keenly aware of human life being so ver fragile. Earlier last week, he pushed hard for me to go back to college for my teaching certification. This has been a secondary goal for me, motherhood and raising a family has always been top priority. He was upset when I told him that I would not be pursueing this schooling immediately, but I had the distint feeling that he was trying to push me out. Yesterday he told me that this lady that I work with was ready to quit, but he convinced her to stay and all of that happened last week. Time is running out on me. I don't know what to do, I just need to trust God.