Today has started off to very good, as I began it by reviewing the scriptures for Mass today. I am a lector at our little country church and this ministry has always helped me to really focus on the scriptures and really get to the heart of the message because this is what I really want to bring across to those gathered at Mass with me. Today, the central message was that those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed and the responsorial psalm reminded us that the Lord is our sheperd; there is nothing that we shall want! I thought of allyouwhohope when I heard the choir singing out that chorus.
The following is a quote from my workbook for lectors (by James Weaver): "In common English usage, hope is a wish, a desire, a possiblity, something one wants very much, but which still might not happen. This does not describe Paul's hope in the glory of God. Paul's hope 'does not disappoint,' for God's love, which confirms and sustains his hope, has been proven by the reconcilitation that Christ's death achieved between the world and God."
I just keep thinking that God would find comfort in my being hopeful in regard to having my family grow. I know that he knows just the emotion of desiring to have his children to come to him. Scripture tells us that he has a spirit of adoption, desiring to call of us to himself and if we are desiring to be made in the image and likeness of God, this, too, includes His desire to bring all of his children home to him. I don't know how my children will come to me, I just have faith that they will come. Even as we celebrate the Feast of All Souls, I am thankful for the child that I miscarried. I feel so honored that God chose to call my husband and I to be co-creators with him in creating this beautiful soul that now resides with him. I am living proof that when you allow yourself to work out your anger and fear of God's ways, He can deliver you to a much higher place, spiritually, of course!!!
I am reminded that I put my hope and trust in God in many different areas of my life and I was not disappointed. First of all, when I was a freshman in high school, one of my teachers encouraged me to pray for my future husband and that God would keep him safe, free from life changing temptation, and prepare his heart and soul to be shared with mine at the appointed time that God wished to bring us together. I prayed so fervently for him. . . for seven long years! God answered all of my prayers and surpassed my expectations! Why should my prayers for my children be any different. I know, by faith, that God will send a child to me to love, nurture, and show them the way to Christ. I don't know how this will all come about, but then again there were days when I was unsure of how God would decide to place me on the path to my husband. God is full of suprises and it was an adventure that I wouldn't trade in for the world. Yes, I admit there are no gurantees, but it is worth it to me to hope. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we have never stopped dreaming about our children and I believe that God has placed this desire in our hearts for a reason! The years are passing, but for the first time in seven years, I finally know what I am up against in preparing my body to be ready to embrace new life within my womb! I know that God has blessed my journey thus far and I am praying that I will be able to continue to hear his voice so that I can continue following him.
As far as an update on my cycle, I am on cycle day 22 and I have been having lots of pain in my joints, right hip, and severe breast tenderness. My cycles, for the last 3 months, have been b/t 26-28 days. Before this, my cycles were so bizarre, I won't even bother you by describing it. It is amazing and miraculous that I have even been able to find a doctor and nursing staff that treat me with dignity, that it is just another example of something that I hoped and prayed for and God saw fit to give me the desires of my heart. God wants me healthy, so that I can use my energy to building up His kingdom! I will continue to do my part in making this happen!
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