Today was a hard day. Since my aunt died so unexpectedly and had no life insurance because of previous medical conditions and she was divorced from her husband for legimiate reasons and only had one living son . . .we were very limited in setting up how we would have liked to celebrate her life and have closure. Her ex-husband had complete control of choosing how things went because he was the father of her only child so he decided to cremate her because there was not much money to pay for a casket, burial, etc. My family has never had anyone cremated and we were blown away. The funeral home understood this, so they gave us two hours of visitation for immediate family only on Thursday and then we had the memorial service today. We expected the church (Catholic) where she was registered to offer some emotional support to the family but they told my family that if there was no box, there would not be able to provide any supportive services (prayers, rosary, rites at a funeral, etc). Needless to say I researched this and from what I found this is not the position of the U.S. Bishops. I will be finding out the position of our diocese next week. My mom and one of my aunts are methodist and their minister helped us out and led the Memorial service today and it was a nice tribute. I am just so disappointed that I feel the church failed to support my family during this loss. I understand that priests are human, but there is just so many hurt feelings that someone could turn away my family during this time.
Well, enough about the bad things. We did have some time to remember some of our fondest memories of my aunt and we were able to sing some of her favorite church songs during the service. There has just been so many losses in our life lately, that I just feel that it just might never end. My tears were plentiful today, but I am trusting that while we may be hurting, she is not!
We were able to celebrate her son's birthday yesterday. I baked and decorated a cake for him and I gave him a big, framed picture of him and his mom from one of the ones I took of them from Christmas along with a new hat. He was so happy with the picture. That made my heart full. He is having some tough days and they will continue, but since we knew that she had other health problems, we had suggested she write letters to him and we found the letters she wrote to him and his godmother will be giving them to him in a few weeks when he has a chance to sort of take everything in. Like we all know, grief never ends, it just changes.
Dearest Abba,
I am trusting that you are in control of this situation and I pray that you allow me to know that your peace reigns. I am thankful that your Father's house has many dwelling places that you have prepared for our loved ones. In a new way, I understand what it means to love my heavy, rough, splintery cross so that I can appreciate the crown I will receive when you call me home. Amen.
All I can say is Amen.....I'm so sorry....I have no words of comfort but I feel heaviness in my heart for you and your family.
ReplyDeletePraying for you today
I'm sorry for your loss and I would be upset about what the priest did in regards to a funeral. I have always ubderstood the Catholic Church to never turn any Catholic away from a proper funeral. I hope you get some answers on that. You and your family are in my prayers today.
ReplyDeleteI find that to be an odd response from your aunt's church...I would look into that. Something does not sound right...I also don't get how your aunt's ex was allowed to plan the services...My brother has children and an ex wife...and there is no way we'd let her plan his services. I've never heard of an ex getting to plan an ex's funeral because they had children. I'll have to ask my brother about that one. Either way, doesn't sound like the ex made choices your aunt would have wanted...good thing your family was able to get together a nice memorial for her.
ReplyDeleteThat was such a beautiful gift that you gave to your cousin. This is a difficult time for him. Death is always harder on those left behind. I will keep your aunt and child in my prayers.
Perhaps this would help -
ReplyDeletehttp://www.americancatholic.org/newsletters/cu/ac1097.asp
This seems to indicate that a Mass is indeed possible, but may have to take place without the remains present.
I can't think of anything under the sun that would keep someone from leading Catholic mourners in saying a rosary (it can be anybody - it's a personal devotion and not part of any liturgy anyway - although Sew and Trid. Wife may be more up on this anyway).
I am so sorry for you loss and for the additional pain the confusion is causing.
I have to tell you -- the circumstances of your aunt's funeral sound SO MUCH like my uncle's a few months back. Not being Catholic myself, I did lots of reading about the whole cremation process in regards to the church (my uncle was Catholic). I had quite a few questions as well. We did have a priest come to the funeral home and do a brief service with the remains present, on the condition that they would be buried and not scattered after the service.
ReplyDeleteIn any event, I'm glad that you were able to share some special moments remembering your loved one. I'm sorry you've had a sad weekend. Thinking of and praying for you still.
"splintery cross" is the perfect way to describe it.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry about losing your aunt, and then about the disappointment from not having the Church's support during this already sad time.
You have a such a beautiful, trusting, prayerful spirit. I know that there is joy coming in the morning for you.
I'm so sorry about your aunt and I'll be praying for your family, especially her son. I can't believe how her church reacted; your family should definitely get some answers on that.
ReplyDelete