Almost on Holiday

I just want to say that I was very sick today with all this terrible sinus mess and my dear sweet husband bought me a meal in town and then bought me some Tylenol Sinus meds. I swear, it is the only thing that works for me. I am on cd 15 and have had very little CM and I know this won't help. I don't usually have a lack of CM, but this really has me worried bc I usually have some by this time. I am hoping that somehow this could be a great sign. Wishful thinking, I suppose.
On another note, I am really trying to come to terms with accepting where I am on this journey of trying to become a mother. I just realized that God must be the reason I am desiring to be a mother so badly. I want to bring new life into this world. I will just be a steward in caring for this child, the child will always be God's child first and foremost. I believe that God has great plans for my fertility. I think that he is busy teaching me many valuable lessons that will get me through possibly more difficult times than what I am encountering now (heaven forbid). I feel that he gave me this desire in such a strong and powerful way so that I would desire to have the faith to make it through to reach this goal. I used to think that the desire I have for children was a malfunction in my personality, but as of this weekend, I am realizing that God intended to make me this way. I have allowed him to have his way in my life and there is no reason for me to stop doing so now. I may not understand his reasons for creating me this way, but I know that it has made me a better person. My heart is so open, so willing to do anything to build up his kingdom. My knowledge of the church and her teachings has grown immensely and it has transformed my life's mission. I can never, ever behold the sight of one human being and not be grateful that God saw fit to bring that person into my life and giving them life. I will never be able to take life for granted. Ever. New life, old life, a sad life, or a happy life. Life matters to me and it matters to God. I guess maybe He is bringing new life to me, it may not be a growing child in my womb just yet, but there are new beginnings of faith in my heart every day.

On a very happy note, I just have a few hours of work tomorrow and the majority of that is a big Christmas party. (I will then have 12 days off! My husband is off 11 of these 12 days - woo hoo!!!) I will also go and see my local ob.gyn before this to learn how to administer the hcg shots. I am looking foward to seeing him, haven't really had the chance to fill him in on how the surgeries have been helpful yet and would love for God to use me as a witness to him and hopefully inspire him to get training w/ Dr. Hilgers. He is very interested in the work of Dr. Hilgers.