Let the praying & fasting begin!

Tonight was great, made some great feasting food to prepare for the day of fasting :)

I am so excited about my new prayer partner!!! Wow, it will be fantastic to have her for a prayer buddy!

I have been eating way too much chocolate, but it is soooo good! Lots of Heshey's Kisses from Valentine's Day. It is so hard to get creative with meals during lent. I have alot going on this week with some late evenings and I am such a homebody.

Earlier this week, I thought about opening up my home as a in-home daycare (state-approved). What was I thinking? While I know I would like that daily routine, I still need better than daycare income and medical benefits. I am still having a hard time figuring out what to do with my future. Aren't you supposed to figure this out at least by your twenties? The life plan I had planned has not worked out thus far, so it is time to revamp, renew, & redo!

By the way, from what I can tell that special prayer intention did not work out in my favor, but thanks for the prayers and support. I was trying to get a promotion in another area for the company that I work for currently. I was very disappointed because I really wanted to find a work environment that was not so filled with conflict or contempt. It just makes my spirit so heavy, but the gospel reading this weekend really motivated me to remain the same, remember my value that was given to me by my heavenly father, and just wait for something better to come along. I know that change is inevitable and I pray that something excellant is on the horizon.

My two days off have come to an end. I am most relaxed and peaceful and enjoyed some time with my Mom and Aunt today. It was fun to be silly, laugh, and cut-up. We even made a quick trip to Target. I have one other aunt who is the mother of the two boys that we took care since they very young and since she remarried we have not seen the boys lately and I miss them terribly. They have had a very hard life and I feel like I failed them by not trying harder to save them from the life that they are stuck with and my mom reminded me today that we (my dh and I) did do all that we could to help them, we even had one live with us for awhile and at some point his mom had to resume being his mother but even though he has been in her care, she is still not being a mother to him or his brother. How can one not feel like a failure in this situation? I feel like we should have fought for them, but everyone thinks that we did fight, but it would have just been like we were fostering them, the state (which actually did get involve for awhile) would just promote reunification. The children love their mom. They are failing in school, again. They are in constant trouble and they are desperate for boundaries and unconditional love. The one thing we could give them, but I guess that is not to be. My aunt's health is very fragile and at one time we were listed as possible guardains in the event of her untimely death. The whole situation is so bad. The worst part is I just miss them. We have been active in their lives since they were 1 and 2 years old and now they are 12 & 13. When I say active, I mean in college, I had two carseats in my car at all times bc I took care of them all the time and my husband and I always had them on most weekends once they started school.

To those two little souls, so scarred by life's ugliness . . . remember always that I love you and nothing can ever change that.

Oh, well, this post turned a whole new direction and I really need to head to bed and pray :) And take meds, woo-hooo!

In cycle news, I am on cd 15 and seeing no quality cm. I am a bit discouraged and am taking Fertile CM, antibiotic for cm, and drinking lots of water and other fluids. I did have some white baby stamps earlier (like cd 8 and 10) but that is it and I tend to peak on cd 18-19, so hopefully I am on my way. I feel pretty emotionally stabled, probably being away from my office is helping.

Oh, and my whole house is cleaned, all the laundry is done, the house is dusted, vaccuumed, and all plants watered :) Well, if only that could last!!!

I just keep going and going, but I did find some great valentine decorations/gift stuff for next valentine's day and the other ones to come. I do believe that we will have children one day and I want to be prepared to celebrate all the holidays in style with fun possible craft items for when that time comes!

God will bring miracles into our lives . . . I am waiting in expectant hope!!!