Hold Us In Your Mercy!

God has been so unbelievably gracious to me since Ash Wednesday! The day was a bit tough at the beginning and it turned out that I needed to work nearly 12 hours that day. We had an event that included mass, a lite dinner, and a lenten presentation on how to prepare for lent. I worked greeting others to the event and hosting and serving at Mass, but before that I took a long walk on the boardwalk through the swamp and the communication with God that I had on that walk was truly a gift of the holy spirit. I remember being a bit down (just a bit - haha) about my barrenness. As I walked I noticed that the swamp looked like the most awful wateland. Nearly everything looked dead. It was sorta of depressing to even look at, but timely since we were entering the desert with Jesus. As I was talking in my spirit to God, I was grumbling that "this place just looked so awful . . . it just looked like death, barrenness, nothing about its appearance would attract us to it (sound familiar to the stations?)." I said to God "everything just looks dead" and THEN he whispered to my soul "they just LOOK dead, they are not dead! When the conditions are right, they will grow new leaves . . . their branches will reach for the sky . . . their insides are very much alive, their aliveness is hidden by their dry, wintry outward appearance". It really took my breath away. What an encounter with my dearest Abba. Since I knew that I have God's undivided attention at that point, I clearly told him that I just feel so lost from Him. I feel so far gone, like the lamb that strayed because I just feel like dry bones when I got to him in prayer, so much so that I was seldom wanting to go to prayer asking for blessings because it just seemed like suffering was my whole lot. I told him that I can only remember suffering in my relationship with him, only a heavy cross that is crushing me down, bringing me face down into the clay earth. After all of this was said, I just sat with God. Just being . . . I have bared my soul, willingly and just waited for him to make his move.

Well, nothing could have suprised me more when he did reach out to me in a very clear and profound way. I went to greet those coming for Mass and went to mass and it was amazing, so simply amazing. Then after getting everyone settled with the light dinner (about 40 people), I went into the room where the talk was going to be held and we had a local catholic bookstore come in with a few books so that people could purchase something if they liked, and it was then that a certain book just JUMPED out at me entitled "Praying our Goodbyes" by Joyce Rupp. I bought it, took it home and did not know that it would change my life!! That first night, I read three chapters and cried (big suprise) as I read the words that were like a balm to my soul. It blew me away and made me feel so loved by God. I recommend the book to everyone! Especially those who have a tough time trusting God after dealing with a loss, or those have a difficult time coming to God in prayer and feel comfortable with God.

Yesterday I finished reading it and I just feel so blessed that God reached out to me in such an intimate way. I just feel so romanced by God. Ladies, get this book, read it. It will be one that you will want to share with loved ones.

Last night I got to have a girls' night out and I shared with them the book and they were just as read to out and buy it right away!!! I had the best time cutting up and listening to someone's else's worries, etc for a change ;) Two of the ladies I never really met before, so I just feel like I broadened my circle of friends. One of the ladies was eight months pregnant, but she was about the funniest pregnant woman I had ever met and I just loved hearing all of her stories, the other was a single pediatrician who is desiring to find her life partner. All of us were in different stages in our lives, but our faith was common and it united us! My other friend and I just cracked up about nearly everything. They are just so fun! We did some shopping afterwards and then ran to starbu.cks to have some time to visit a bit more. I am really shy and don't usually talk alot to others who I don't know well, so I was suprised that I enjoyed myself so much.

Today, Mass was beautiful and affirming all that I learned in the short few days of lent so far. During communion they sang the simplest song "Lork, hold us in your mercy." It comforted my soul in such a profound way.

Is anyone else reaping the benefits of their Lenten prayer buddy? I just keep wondering who it might be because I am just amazed at the mercies and graces that are surrounding me. I am just so very thankful for her! I told the ladies last night about our Lenten prayer buddy system and they all wished they could have done it :) We are on to something ladies, God is truly turning our sorrow into joy!!

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Cycle News:

I think today could be my peak day (cd 20 - so late, I know). I have been feeling pretty good, I do have to say that OPK are really tough to read or is it just the ones we bought? Today was the day that I saw the darkest line. I am hopeful that maybe we could be successful.