New Doctor

I was very nervous at the doctor's office today, the longer I waited on the couch the more nervous I became. It was all a waste of time to worry. I was blown away at the way she listened to me and had the same thoughts of what might be good for me as I shared with her my medical history. She did not think that we are in a huge amount of danger for another ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage so she was fine with supporting the idea of ttc this month. She does have lots of ideas to help with in regard to medication that is really sort of new to me, but from what I can tell it works and she has confidience in it.

Alot of the things we are going to stick with for this cycle since I am on cd 12. I tend to peak around cd 19 or 20, so we will continue with everything right now. She did acknowledge that the clomid does not give the endometrium the best optimal lining by itself and suggested that the next cycle we try to adding estradoil on certain days after the clomid to build up that lining. This is comforting. She gave me a chart to use and she wants me to start using ovulation predictor kits to monitor the LH surge. So the plan is we ttc this cycle and hope that a new life is brought into being. If that does not happen, when cd 1 shows up, I call her office to schedule a hsg to run dye through the right tube to make sure that it is clear and funtional. She is just as concerned for my well being, which was a huge comfort.

When I think about the scariness of being so close to death the day Nicky died, I am get very concerned that I might not be so blessed the next time that would happen. I do know that God will let me live if He wills and he will not take me home one breath too soon. Yet, it is hard to be willing to make yourself so vulnerable again. I was talking to a friend today about that and I told them that I want to live, I am not ready to die. So, in the event that a baby is not brought into being this cycle, we will try to do the hsg on cd 10 and do some estradoil to build up the lining next cycle. I have scripts for all of the meds she wants to use and she also prescribes the prometrium at the end of the cycle during the LP to support the woman's body in keeping her body healthy and a nurting place for a baby to grow. I do have a problem letting go of the hcg though. So I am going to see what this cycle holds and if there is another cycle review with PPVI, I will discuss these changes. She will not manage the t3 and she considered raising my glucophage xr 500 mg to 2 pills a day. This might work, because I am still having weight issues and this is related to PCOS.

I do feel that I have confidience in this woman as a doctor. Only time will tell, but I felt at peace talking with her. It has been years since I have seen a female obgyn, but I felt comfortable. Speaking of weight, I asked her if my current weight would be an issue in a pregnancy bc all of the other doctors I see tell me to lose weight and I know that being overweight is a big risk factor for preganncy, but she did not see that if would be a grave problem for me and agreed to work closely with me during my pregnancy when that happens. I do feel that I will be able to have another pregnancy. I don't say that to be self-centered, it just is my faith telling me that if these are the doors God is opening, maybe it is what is in my future. I don't know why, but I think that it could happen . . .. it is whether I will be able to carry my baby to birth that concerns me.

I am so peaceful right now, just knowing that I will be able to have someone to call when I do finally get a positive preganncy test and if I don't, I have someone to call for that too. I told her that one of my main goals is to have someone willing to see me in the very early stages of my pregnancy to make sure the baby is in the right place and growing well. Her response to that was amazing and not pacifying. She even told me that for her to get pregnant, she and her husband BD twice a day. I know that is not always the way, but it is worth a shot. Good thing we are excited to try again ;)

There is such a relief that I am feeling. On a mark of personal victory, there was candy everywhere in little bowls at her office and I did not take a single piece. I am trying to do better and eating lots of fruit and will try to start the rel.iv soon. I am also eating lots of veggies and drinking lots of water, can you tell I am hopeful???

I am nervous about my meeting at work tomorrow. The mood at the office has been pleasant, but I don't not want to look for a new job. I am praying a great deal.

Thanks for all of your prayers for this appt. I could feel those prayers calming my anxious heart.