Down

I am just down today, it is P+17 (I think) and I have been having all kinds of pain on both right and left sides. The left side is usually present when a new cycle is close. This never happened before the ectopic pregnancy, but is very present now. I don't know if there are some adhesions, or just the cost of having to be reminded of what my body failed to do to keep Nicky safe.

The bbt dropped alot today and I am convinced that I was never pregnant and that the higher than normal progesterone and hcg gave me the symptoms of pseudo-pregnancy. I am really just feeling so overwhelmed. I an not so much crushed about the no pregnancy right now because that could me we can find out some more answers about the health of my right tube, etc. I am just so worried about pain and wondering if a pregnancy test would have picked up on another ectopic one. That has been my real struggle. I really want to just stop putting so much pressure on my body, my spirit.

It seems so easy to try to get pregnant, nearly everyone can do it.

I just want to stay home and hide away in bed today. I did call to do a blood test to rule out any other things that may be overlooked right now, but I just know it will tell me what the plastic dream crasher told me twice. If it comes up with any other answer, that just leads to more concerns as my temps are dropping and the signs are going away.

Sidenote: I have been wondering if the pain on the right could have been the appendix. It improves with tylenol. I took one saturday night and one last night.
So that is probably not it. As soon as AF arrives I can call my local doctor and schedule the hsg and I will talk with her about all of the pain. I am thinking that I will be happy to wait until 2010 to try again. I think I need a break. I am at the breaking point right now.