Still Here

Well, I finally made it to Saturday and I am officially off for the next nine days. I am excited. I have been feeling pretty bad all week and had to take a day off on Wednesday. After resting alot that day, I thought I was over the cold/virus thing, but it returned the next morning. I was thinking that this will surely pass soon, no worries. I was coughing so much, my voice was hoarse when I would talk and I would get rare temps and then had a lot of congestion. So yesterday I sent a fax to the ppvi to see what meds that would have me take to not counteract all of the meds I am on for good reproductive health. It took them all day, but I knew they would call me by the end of the day and they did and gave me the approval to take mucinex 2xd until P+4 (if needed that long) and it should not conteract the way my body was handling all of the other meds. Long story short, I called DH and he assured me that we has some mucinex at home and so as soon as I walked in the door, he had me a pill and a glass of water. I love this man. He even made us some tuna sandwiches and we stayed on the couch watching a love story until we finally went to bed. Now I was already crabby just being sick and the mucinex made me dazy and silly - what a great combination. This was the first time I took it and I was really tired after taking it, very relaxed. Well, that pill lasted until this morning and when I woke up at six, I was coughing up a storm and kept having a tickle in my throat. I took my second dose of the meds and went back to sleep. Had my alarm on for all of my other meds (t3, fertile cm, vit b6) at 9 am and then just woke up again at 11 am. I am still feeling dazed and very relaxed. I would imagine this would be how it would feel to take nerve medication. Don't know, but I am very, very relaxed!!!
In cycle news, I am feeling just so lost. I am cd 15 (already) and no peak type mucus today. I only have one sighting of p type mucus and that was on wed, but it was a 10kl (2 in) and I was feeling like we are finally making some progress. I usually have a few days of 6k or 8k prior to an observation like this. I am really freaking out bc I think that we missed our peak day bc I was sick and not in any kind of mood for the bd and there was probably no way I was getting my dh in the mood when I was coughing through the night. Now, even with the mucinex and fertile cm I am OAD. I am so diasppointed but what can you do? I keep hoping this month that being sick i't s delaying my ovualtion. What a turn of events for me? Last month I ovulated on my own on day 25, so why should I be stressed about being on day 15 with no peak type cm and possibly this cold causing us not to conceive this month? BC this was my first month on clomid and I was just giddy with the possiblity that we might conceive this cycle. I had my shorted days of red stickers this cycle and went to green stickers for about 4 days, one white baby and then more green days. I took my clomid on cd 4-8 and some of the information said that you should ovulate 5-12 days after your last dose? Does anyone know if this is true? It would be a miracle if we were to conceive on the first month of using clomid, but I hear of people being successful alot of the time on the second month of using it. I am willing to wait to next month if that is what God is doing, but I just don't want another failed attempt at another medicine that seems to work miracles for others and not for me. Oh well, I need to get off my pity pot.
In other news, we went to a Prolife banquent to raise funds for our local pregnancy crisis center. This is the same agency my dear friends used to find their precious daughter. Dr. Anthony Levatino and his wife, Ciel, were the keynote speakers. His story is amazing, as he was a ob/gyn in NY state who would perform many abortions in his practice until the Lord changed his heart through faithful witnesses and a crisis in his life. The kicker is that while he was doing this abortions on a daily basis, he and his wife were seeking IF treatment. He said he finally realized that he is just throwing these babies in the garbage and he would do anything if one of these women would just give him and his wife her baby. But things did not work out this way and when his wife share her struggle with infertility to the 700 people gathered , many of my closest friends who never struggled with IF, I felt like she gave us a face. They ended up adopting a little girl and then his wife found out she was pregnant the very next month. The boy and girl were 10 mo. apart. No one could tell me that God was not in all of this. You can goo.gle his name and read his story. Alot of you may have already heard him and his wife speak or know their story. If not, take the time to goo.gle it. He went into painstaking detail of how he would perform abortions and he brought the reality of what happens in abortion to all of the people gathered that night, but I had already read his story on the internet, so I knew what to expect. DH on the other hand, did not know what to expect, but he told me he could tell that he did this in the beginning to make a point. DH said "This was amazing and I really learned something tonight. Every young person should have to hear their story!" I was really suprised that DH and I both felt the exact way about it. We often perceive things very differently. They told a story of a dear friend who struggled for infertility for many, many years and decided to stop trying to conceive and pursue adoption. Even then, there was a long list of families waiting to adopt. This woman and her husband were given the chance to adopt a little girl from across the country out of the blue. Complete miracle falling out of the sky kind of thing. This woman went on to have four healthy pregnancies. DH and I were talking about this on the way out and I had mixed feelings about this story and hers. Sometimes I feel that God makes couples wait so long so that their hearts will be open to adoption and they finally get the chance to adopt and the love they have for that child in unquestionable. Then they go on to have children from their own union and I have to believe that God made them wait so that they could adopt that one child. I think that is they way God brings that child to the right family bc sometimes parents who can conceive easily don't ever consider adoption and I believe that this is the way God means to build some families. But this does not happen in all families that adopt children. Not every family that adopts a child will go on to conceive. I know too many of them who do and those who do not.
I told DH that sometimes God moves in ways we don't understand and searching for that child to adopt is part of his plan to build a family through both adoption and natural conception. He sees it as we were not patient enough to wait on God to bring us our miracles. I tell him adoption is a miracle and when we ever adopt the love I know that the love he will feel for that child will suprise and astonish him and he will find out that his love for that adopted child will be no different from the love he would have if were blessed with a child from our own union. Only time will tell whose theory will be tested ;) Anyway, God has been so abundant in showing us His love and care, I know he will never let us pass up our miracles. That is my prayer!

Dearest Abba,

You know our hearts and you know our desires since you put them in our hearts. We trust you and we love you. We beg you to bless us with a child. Not because we cannot live without a child. Not because we will know that you love us by blessing us with a child. Only because we desire to raise up godly children who will imitate your ways and build up your kingdom. We trust that you will bring us the child that most needs to be loved and cared for by us. We believe that you can do far greater things that place a child into a womb that was called barren or to find the right home for a baby that it's birthmother is praying for and choosing to give to him or her. We pray for all women expecting. Those who are overjoyed with new life and those who are scared and torn. We pray for all couples who lean on you when not knowing if their love will ever spill over to create a new soul for your kingdom. Be with them in their fears and bring them a hope that only you can give. We also pray for all those who have unwillingly returned their child to you in the hopes of meeting them again in heaven. You give and you take away, but our hearts will always choose to bless your name. AMEN