I told God "Enough" today! What was I thinking? When you think that you had a peak day and then have 3 dry days and then go back to having every other day with peak time mucus - it makes you want to scream! I don't even want to write these observations on my chart. I am tired. I am angry that my body can't just do one right thing! All the while I am thinking this, I wonder if all of the craziness of my body could be that "Something did work! Could I possibly be pregnant?" I feel like I am bipolar or maybe the lucky one who was given "Multiple Personalities" as part of my genes. Who the the heck knows? All I know is that I still have some pains around what I would imagine as the midpoint b/t my ovaries.
I went before the blessed sacrament today and told "God, I still want a baby. You are the one who can bring a child into existence from the union that my husband and I share. I am asking you to bring this miracle into my life."
Then I read two fantastic articles about adoption today that just make me want to ditch all of this fertility treatment and put all of my energy into adopting. See, I am losing it. A huge shift in attitude. Oh, and by the way I cannot stop eating. I am trying to make healthy choices. Although I just got a huge craving for mexican food when dinner is already cooked on the stove and it is rice and gravy. Woe is me. Just kidding!
I think you should keep telling God your true feelings!!
ReplyDeleteI know I have been, since you relayed to me the priest's wise advice.
Let's be bold together!
I know the feeling of, "enough." It sucks. Have you been testing for PCOS? Once I went on metformin/glucophage all my sugar/carb cravings went away and I can make healthy choices so much more easily.
ReplyDeleteI feel bipolar almost every second of every day, lol!! I am trying to work past my anger at my body, because I feel EXACTLY the same way that you do- - and the hypnofertility classes are really helping with this. Not that I think it's for everyone, but if we can get to a place where we accept our body and love it the way it is (flawed reproductive organs and all!!) I think it will help our journey.
ReplyDeleteStay strong!
Amen! I too know what it feels like to think that you are bipolar and have multiple personalities. Sometimes I feel like I can't control myself which really upsets me. It's like I know that I don't want to feel anger, snap at my hubby, be depressed, laugh at the stupidest things, cry at the smallest things and a multitude of other things. Oh my dear you are not alone. Sometimes it is not only a daily struggle for me, but hourly as well. (ugh)
ReplyDeleteYou are putting your faith exactly where it needs to be. Just like LifeHopes said, I too have been taking your priest's advice. It has been a welcome change for me in my prayers and thoughts.
I want you to know that your honesty and heartfelt post are very healing for me. You have put into words so many times what I have felt and could not say. Your faith is as strong as it can be, which gives me such inspiration and drive to continually work on my relationship with the Lord. You are such a wonderful woman and I am so blessed to have you as a part of my life. It certainly is a blessing that I enjoy very much. Any time you need me, I am here for you. My thoughts and prayers are always with you.
Hugs and blessings,
Stacey
Okay, so maybe we need to sit down and talk. You can teach me to be more pleasant of a person when expressing my sheer impatience towards my current situation.
ReplyDeleteI just can't agree with you more ENOUGH!
Did I miss that post about your Priest advice? I think LH told me about it but I never recalled reading that post.
I was talking to an 8 yr old little girl the other day. My friends daughter. I was selfishly wanting innoncent advice. She asked me why I didn't have any babies? I told her because I keep praying and God hasn't said yes. I asked her what she thought I should do and she said Keep asking, He will answer you, He always does. I mean it was such a confident, this is what you do response. It was sweet!
ENOUGH! :) HOpe you have a good day!
Bipolar is a great way to describe how all of us feel. I wonder if there's a link between that and infertility? I'm mostly joking lol.
ReplyDeleteI have had situations like that where I've thought I ovulated and then dry and then peak type mucus and yeah it stinks. Hang int here though.