WOW - God is gracious!

Warning - this is probably the longest blog I have ever written. Keep reading though, no matter how disjointed it may all sound :)
There is so much to share. All weekend I kept waiting for a new cycle to start. Although despite desperately not wanting to see any evidence of one, but keenly aware that it was probably just moments away. We thought we could take a hpt after p+17 and to my shock – it came back positive. Then I consulted hcg med instruction form from PPVI and found out that even on P+17, I would still have a good amount of hcg in my body from my medications on P+3, 5, 7, & 9. So I was thinking that this was pure torture that I inflicted on myself. This all happened on Saturday, so to relax and distract myself, I spent some time outside and read some on my porch. It actually got chilly, so I brought out a blanket with me and just sat and read. While I was reading, a beautiful green dragonfly landed on me (on my blanket – they matched) and I kept thinking this is very unusual and I just remembering drinking in the moment. Then when I get up to head inside, I find a cracked acorn. We never have acorns around our porch, so I was stunned and filled with wonder. I guess I think of acorns as a sign of new life and I just wondered what God was preparing my heart for at this time. I had just finished reading “The Gift of the Red Bird” by Paula D’Arcy and everything thing in nature seemed to speak to me. I saw a red bird in our crepe myrtle tree and we never have those around our yard either and for some reason, I have been sensing that the red bird was bringing me hope that God has my future all figured out. I need to go out and sing my song, like the Red Bird. Well, we wondered if maybe we could see a difference on the test by checking on Sunday. Well, that one came back positive, too. I was starting to get my hopes up – but then I read info on the internet and thanks to Dr. Sew, I realized that there is so much hcg left in my body, that the tests were more than likely false positives. So we went to mass and did our normal Sunday things and then went home that afternoon. On Monday, I was P+19, so I dutifully called the nurse to let her know that I needed to have a blood test. Actually, that is not how the conversation went. I asked her, do you think something is wrong? Did I miscalculate my P day, did I accidentally take the hcg meds at the wrong time. Because my chart was still filled with white babies, I was thinking I just messed up another month. I really had no idea how the clomid would affect my cycle. So I just had to surrender and let her wisdom bring peace to my weary heart. Well, she told me to go get blood test right away. I asked her if my results from my P+7 blood draw was post-ovulatory? She assured me they were definitely post ovulatory. Ok, so then I go to get my blood work done, which is about a 20 min. drive from my office. Because I went at a different time when all of my normal Lab crew is gone to lunch, so I have people I have never met and I give the girl the instructions for the blood draw and she takes a very long time to enter all of the data into the computer and they are confused about the orders. Give me a break already? So finally, the girl takes my blood – two vials. Not so bad, except that she was not gentle with the needle.
Well, I am just beside myself at this time that the nurse could possibly think I am pregnant and I overwhelmed with worries, questions, and wondered if I just paid for the most expensive way to get a new cycle to start? On my way back to my office, my car does not want to shift and I have lots of bridges to cross. I keep going, thinking I have to get back to work. I then find myself stranded at a local parking lot, bc it looks like my transmission is messing up. So I call J to get him to come rescue me. We knew of no mechanic in this area and we were unsure if we could get it to one the way it was running. I just would not let myself get stressed about it, I had so much more on my mind and this was not helping. So then we finally make it to a mechanic’s shop about a mile away from my office and then J drops me off at work. I am starting to cramp and feel really weak. No food, but gave blood on my lunch break. Not good. I finally find some cheeseits and lemon cookies and eat that and I start to feel a little better. It is quiet in the office and I try so hard to relax. No news all day Monday. We go home late that night and overall, once I got home I relaxed. I went to bed thinking, could there be a possibility I might be pregnant? Then during the night, I went to the bathroom at 2 am and wiped and saw very light pink spotting. I went back to bed and told my husband “Well, my period is coming. I am starting to spot.” Then I woke up the next morning and nothing on the tissue but a little yellowy mucus. This concerns me, but I am so glad not to see RED.

Then on tuesday I call the lab to ask them if they got to fax the results to PPVI. They said they had. I did not ask for the results, because I wanted to hear the nurse from PPVI to let me know, I figure she would be more compassionate in telling me the results. This lady I was talking too told me that they had to ship some blood to Omaha. So that right there gave me the idea that I might be pregnant but we were not sure. Then about an hour later, we get a call from our favorite nurse who tells me that I am pregnant. I was blown away and J was too. I was immediately cautious because of the spotting etc.

So we shared that information with our immediate family yesterday. I was unsure to do that because we are not certain that I will be able to stay pregnant although we hope with everything that is in us, that we will.

We are very excited and to think that I got this news on St. Gianna’s feast day. I am still in complete shock.

As I was typing this, I got a call from the nurse who told me my progesterone is really low, 10.2. I am starting progesterone injections today and will do the 2x week and then get my blood drawn every two weeks. I am a little scared right now, knowing that my progesterone is dropping.
Then I get the next call from my local doctor’s office telling me that they can schedule me for my first ultrasound and ob appt on May 7 at 9:30 am. I have quickly been ushered into a new way of life and as much as I prayed and prepared for this, I am startled to find out how overwhelming it all is. They are talking to me in weeks now and I am feeling overwhelmed. I don’t want to say I am afraid, but that is the emotion I experiencing. I just lay it all at God’s feet.
Please pray. I just got the delivery of my progesterone. The nurse told me to take it immediately.