Lenten Graces

Snippet of my morning reflection:   "Jesus urges us to "lose life to find it," and Matthew 11:12 records his unsettling, cryptic comment about the "kingdom of heaven: that "suffers violence."  It's no coincidence that Jesus asked us to say, "Thy kingdom come," knowing full well that if God's reign truly begins, the world as we know it will blow apart.  Christian faith was never meant to be a pleasant stroll in the park or "cheap grace: that refuses to count the cost of discipleship.  Jesus taught us to pray with a fire in the head and a fire in the belly."  Pray as if your life depends on it, it does.  From Liguori Daybreaks for Lent & Easter.   When I read the words "Jesus urges us to "lose life to find it"" my heart leapt for joy!!!!  Unspeakable joy . . . we who have lost a life can find hope that we will find life again and it will be full, complete, and lacking NOTHING!   Wow, God you are so generous to my grieving spirit!   I have been having so many spiritual revelations lately that it is hard to really sit with any of them for a long period of time for prayer and meditation.   A dear Sister died on Monday and she was one who told me to pray for twins J  Love that sweet lady, she was a gift from God.  Please join me in prayer that she is enjoying her heaven – I know that she waited to be united with her God in a way that was beautiful and courageous!  I will always remember her kind encouragement and unselfish love!   I have been reflecting on my Lenten journey this year and I was thinking that I am just not doing much in the way of prayer for a baby, pleading and begging like I did last lent and we know that God graced us with life during the Easter season of that year.  The cross then was so heavy and now the cross I am carrying is still trying to have a baby, but that cross has been eclipsed by the cross of suffering I am enduring with the work situation and mediation, etc.  I am terribly confused about all of it and not really feeling a whole lot of peace except for the fact that the priest that I went to who will be taking over here soon asked me to just wait it out and to trust that this situation will be short lived and will not be forever.  I just feel like the scapegoat.  The one who stood up and requested to be treated fairly with dignity and I am the one taking one for the team, know what I mean.  I am feeling like the Christ crucified.  There are no friends, no go to for support in the workplace because I am doing my best not to add fuel to the fire.  This is what my lent has been for me.  I do have to say that I have grown tremendously and matured in a way I did not know that I needed to grow.  Suffering always does that to you ;)    In other topics related to lent, I am in awe of my prayer buddy and her strength.  She is an amazing person and I just feel so privileged to be praying for her during this time in her life.  I can't wait to let her know that I have been offering up sacrifice (see above paragraph J) and saying daily prayers for her and her family.  With excitement, I long to know what poor soul has had to pray for me!!!  I bet her knees are scarred from pleading God to give me some peace of mind!!!    Easter is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!        Resurrection is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     We will all rise and ascend, like our dear, sweet Jesus!  "I set before you life & death, blessings and curses; CHOOSE LIFE, so that you and your children will live!"  Deuteronomy 30:19