Today is my appointment with my new doctor. It is my second visit with her and for many reasons, I am not looking foward to it.
She told me almost 4 months ago if we were not pregnant in the next three months, to f/u with an appointment on January 6. Then it was rescheduled due to the birth of her baby. Well, if it would have remained on the sixth, I would have been pre-peak. Now, I am p+11. I am counting down the day until I know if this cycle was the dream maker one or just another try.
I know that we will discuss the hsg I did in October in a little more depth. I have not used any of her prescriptins for the meds she wanted me on that seemed less superior to the ones Dr. Hilgers prescribes for me. The only thing different was that she did not prescribe the hcg and did prometrium instead. And I did not take the med that is supposed to help build the lining for implantation.
I am really not going to go in there with confidience. I wish she could tell me RIGHT now, if we conceived or not this cycle. So I can just move on!
Why all this anxiety? Then to top it off last night, I kept having mild pain in my right area, it almost feels like it would be near the end of the tube that goes to the womb. I get so nervous and scared to have another ectopic pregnancy that it is not healthy. I barely slept last night, worrying about positioning, like there is anything I can do to keep a baby from sticking to the tube. Last time I got pregnant it was never on my radar that I could have an ectopic pregnancy, now even when I am not pregnant, I fear it. It is the only message that is being sent to my brain. My husband thinks that I can just think positive and it will all be okay, well, that is fine and dandy when you are not distracted by slight pains or uncomfortable feelings. I analyze everything and really pray to God for a normal pregancy if I am ever lucky enough to get pregnant agan.
UPDATE
The appointment went well, short and sweet. Not much has changed. She really suprises me that she is calm and genuine. She is pretty aggressive with a treatment plan, but it is very similiar to what I am doing with Dr. Hilgers, only the meds he prescribes seem to helping. I am going to start using the estradoil meds next cycle and resume all the other meds from Dr. Hilgers. Now that I am thinking about she gave me a different med to replace the metformin (glucophage), can't remember the name. The script is in the car. Hope something works soon.
The uncomfortable feelings on the right continued off and on throughout the day. At one point I felt a sharper pain that felt more around the womb area, I was begging God to let that be IMPLANTATION! He sure heard alot from me today. Thanks for all your prayers, I am so thankful.
I hope that your appointment goes well.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard not to analyze every little twinge that we feel! Honestly IF has turned me into a hypochondriac!
Sending you prayers!
BTW...are we still on for Feb. 6?
ReplyDeleteI hope your appointment goes well. Your fear of another ectopic is understandable, not only did you lose a child, you almost died yourself. You probably have a bit of PTSD and the sensations are bring back those feelings. You have very high chances of having a normal pregnancy next time.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how it can be hard to let go of the fears from your past experiences. It's scary. I know for me IF has made me very aware of my body. I think I feel everything..I worry about cysts..knowing I've had them. I hope your appt goes well..keep us posted. I'm praying for you too!
ReplyDeleteHey girl, sorry I haven't been commenting for several days! Since you went private I have to remember to check my bookmarked blogs, too, instead of just my feedreader. So, I forget to come over and check for new posts but I certainly haven't forgotten about YOU!
ReplyDeletePraying for your appointment today. I can understand the fears that creep in after you've been through so much trying to have a baby. Praying the Lord will comfort you and that you will soon have your heart's desire. Love ya!
I know what it is like to analyze every pain. Everytime you get anxious, try to say a prayer and tell God you trust Him and His will. I know that His grace helped me to get past my own worries. Praying for you and a great appt.
ReplyDeleteUgg LIM, now that you are private I totally forget to check you out!
ReplyDeleteThen I'm like WHERE IS LIM in frantic!
I'm glad it went well...Gosh, I so understand. IT's funny how a uterine twinge will bring you to your knees, prostrate on the floor, please god please!!! hahahah
LOL AT JB! That is hilarious!
I can't imagine how that pain must bring back freightening memories.
I hate anxiety. I know how difficult it is to totally trust in Him, I have to moment to moment.
ReplyDeleteI also know what it feels like when it doesn't seem like anything is working. But what I do know, is that it is so important to keep up with meds and follow instructions.
A break is nice every once in a while and can be good for the marriage but it is important to stay on medications that are important to health!