Wanting to o like a rabbit! HA

As I am trying to interpret my crazy chart yesterday, I read the funniest thing in the Creighton book as I was trying to figure if the day before was my P day! I still feel like sugh a freak for still questioning myself everyday about how to chart what my body is doing. I read all about the happenings at ovulation and read that people need to dispel the myth that a woman ovulates by being stimulated sexually. Really, did anyone ever buy into this myth? But apparently rabbits ovulate this way and ever since reading this, I was just thinking "Why can't I o like a rabbit?" HAHAHAHAA! Seriously, I think I have fallen off of the deep end!

I am on cd 16 and I thought P day was on friday, but today I discovered some more p type mucus before church! Boy, oh boy! I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I had a really tough end of the week emotionally. Like pulling away from my sweet husband for no real reason. Well, let's just say, he romanced me this weekend. I am so grateful!

I have been reading some really inspirational stuff and I am just amazed how much I am growing spiritually. After giving up my will in surrender to God on Ash Wednesday, I have been searching for what will bring meaning to my life - what am I called to nurture at this very moment?

In adoration on Friday night, I really just poured out my heart to God. I told him, "I cannot apologize anymore for the desires he has placed into my heart! God you made me a woman. A woman who desires to nuture life. I cannot expect my husband to understand everything thought that I express to him, I am different from him and, God, you made me to be this way!!! I am a woman, God. Nothing I am asking you for is outlandish and I am not underserving! I understand you are with me as I carry this cross, but I cannot change the essence of who you created me to be and I know you, God, would not want to me to alter the giftedness you have created in me." Being able to tell him this was so freeing! In the adoration chapel that we go to, there is a long wall of painted white bricks! I kept thinking, what would be easier -- knocking and beating down this brick wall or finding a door and going through to the other side. I knew that I am ready to go through the door. I just don't understand why I am so impatient in waiting for the 18 months we were encouraged to wait for a favorable result/outcome of all of this trying. I keep thinking is that what it means to be bipolar????????? Every cycle that goes by makes the longing even more real. We have waited a really long time, but I will continue to believe that nothing will get in the way of God's miracles coming into our lives!