Amazing Ash Wednesday

Today was probably the busiest day of my life at work. Needless to say, I survived and then went to mass at the same church I went to on sunday. This young priest's homilies are amazing. He told us today we focus on sin and death. He then asked us "Why do catholics focus so much on death?" I had no idea where he was going with this idea. So he clearly told us that death is the only way to heaven. It is the only way. This is what we are working toward. This is what our life is all about. He told us that everytime we die to self, we are understanding what real death will be like. If we build our lives on dying to self in sacrifice for others through prayer and alms-giving, we are learning understand death and that it is just a step that brings us closer to our Heavenly father. Learning to die to self takes the sting and fear out of dying in this life. It was just the balm I needed for my sorrowful soul.
Okay, here is the revelation moment. I arrived at mass about 40 min. early to just spend some quality time in prayer. I prayed for every family member I have, all of my friends (including all of you), and about surrendering my will to God and not wanting to force my will and have to face the consequences. I just asked God to be all that I will ever want. I truly meant it. I remember a time when I was crushed for not being chosen for a particular job in college. It was a ministry job and I would have had to take a year off from college to do it. I was so sad that I went to this church and just cried and cried at the tabernacle. I thought my life would never go on. I was so ashamed, sorrowful, and hopeless at that time. God delivered me from those times of sorrow and renewed my life and gave me a new mission. So being there in prayer tonight made me realize that this time in my life will too pass. If it won't pass me by, I will embrace it. I will surrender all of my longing for children to God. I have no reason to fear that he will disappoint me. I told him I can do anything he wants me to do. I kept telling God I can do anything you want for me to do. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it, God. Believe me I can. I can love my life with or without children. I can God. You are my source of happiness. Only you God are my source of joy. I had no back up plan. I kept thinking what am I doing, but in my heart, I knew he needed to hear me surrender to him willingly. No tears. No sadness. Only joy and peace.

Okay, here is another story all together. I had so much time before mass, that I drove around some neighborhoods near the church to look at some cute homes in the area. Well, I turned down this one street in not the best neighborhood and saw this little boy wandering along the sidewalk of the street with a stick. I looked all around for some adult who was watching out for this little boy. Well, there was no sign of adult supervision. I saw another car pull to the opposite side of the road and I was thinking maybe they recognize the boy or are calling the police. Well, the next thing I know they pull into a driveway and go inside. So I keep going around the block watching out for this little boy. For about 15 min. I stayed at a stop sign for a while just waiting to see if this boy would go to one of the homes that he belongs to or an adult related to the child would surface. Well, he finally went to a door and knocked and a woman opened the door. I am hoping she was the mother or aunt, anything. I then left, feeling relieved that at least someone was paying attention to this child finally.

Hope you all are doing well on your lenten resolutions. Especially fasting from the internet. Peace be with you all.