STILL 34!

I am still 34, for at least the next five hours or so!   Is it natural to be a woman and JUST not want to turn 35?  Why does the world seem to make such a big deal out of a woman turning 35 anyway!!!  I keep praying my eggs are good, goodness knows I am not done using them yet!!   By the way, I am super excited to spend my day tomorrow with my best buddy!!!  Joseph, you and your Daddy bring me so much sunshine!  Love you both so, so much!!!    Looking back, a year ago I would have never know that I would be parenting 3 at 35!!!  God bless all four of my guys :)  Yes, I claim the two older two whether they like it or not ;))   In the Love of Christ, Crystal   "I set before you life & death, blessings and curses; CHOOSE LIFE, so that you and your children will live!"  Deuteronomy 30:19

Creatively Vocal & Second Year

These past few days have been interesting . . .well, at least that is the kind way to describe it!   It turns out I really know very little about raising a child!  Not a big deal really, but for some reason I forgot that as they learn to begin using their voice, they do lots of shrieking, screaming, and other high-pitch sounds that make you want to find yourself a Heath Blizzard and a quiet closet to hide in!!!    He has always been very vocal and trying to imitate sounds but for the life of me, I really thought I was screwing him up in some significant way when all he wanted to do was shriek, holler, etc very loudly!!!  I had recently been teaching him to go "ahhh" with his mouth open to show me his mouth is empty or so that when he sees the doctor, they can look at his mouth & throat with little resistance.  Well, I always say the "ahhh" softly, but he loves to say it VERY LOUDLY!!!  I think he has the mechanics down now so I will lay off of that for awhile! Another thing that happened this past weekend, he bit his friend Malorie on the cheek!  We think he was kissing her, but got a bit carried away.  I was heartbroken, as was she!  She kept telling him "Come on . . . let's play but NO BITING"  Whew.  They say the terrible twos begin witht he second year of life, not when they turn "2".  I have a friend who says her kids are "terrifically two"!    I keep thinking that to myself!  On top of that, just the small act of me turning away from him these days sends him into crying mode, not just whining but full on tears and red face.  Once i turn around and he can see my face and hear my voice he is ok.  While I do love how attached he is, it is a bit draining when I am alone with him during the day and need to bring the hamper down the hall, cook lunch, etc.    I am not trying to complain, I am so grateful that these are the big issues in my life right now, but I am writing them in the hopes that someone can offer some encouragement that this is a stage, that I am not ruining my child in some unknown way, etc.     In the Love of Christ, Crystal   "I set before you life & death, blessings and curses; CHOOSE LIFE, so that you and your children will live!"  Deuteronomy 30:19

Little to Big

Yesterday we took a road trip to see some of our closest friends and we were able to meet Max for the first time! He was born on January 5 and so he was a little bitty 3 week 3 day old little one!! Be still my beating heart, he was just so tiny!!! So beautiful and just perfect, looked like he still belonged in his Mommy's tummy! I told Jessy that I really cannot remember Joseph being that small. EVER... It just seems impossible to me, so of course I took a trip down memory lane and just adored those first moments again by looking at all the gorgeous pictures of him! How a baby grows so fast, so quickly is beyond me! While I am loving this new stage of learning, growing, and independence (minus the new tantrums he has begun)I cannot believe that we are already at this stage. I know that I will blink and he will be 3 learning to potty in the big pot, be 8 and learning to multiply, be 16 asking for money to go somewhere, and I wonder will I remember these days any better than I remember those first few weeks? I will never, ever regret taking so many pictures of these moments! They will be a reminder of the love we shared, the lessons learned, and the moments that still make me close my eyes just to embrace all the love that is being bestowed on me! I find myself just enjoying those sweet moments when they just really want to cling to you . . .hold you tight, and rest their head softly on your shoulder. Even today, while attending a birthday party that he LOVED at Chuck E. Cheese (while I greatly hope he never asks for) he was holding my neck tight, resting his head on my shoulder and just watching the surroundings. I closed my eyes and just tried to burn that moment into my memory! Being a mom to Joseph still takes my breath away. Not every moment these days is ideal or peaceful, he is now showing his very creatively vocal side that I am not the slightest bit fond of, but the moments that are dripping with honey from the heavens - that stops me in my tracks and reminds me that this - THIS - is what I longed for, this is what I prayed for, and this is what I am not deserving of but am so grateful to GOD for!!! Joseph you are growing and I am trying to teach you how to do that in a loving way, I hope we enjoy so many more special moments together. Your very presence is changing me and not in the ways I imagined, but in much greater ways filled with holy glory!

Walking me crazy!!!

Joseph is a walker. He is just so full of himself, these days!!! He really thinks he is HOT STUFF!! I still get a little suprised to see him come around the corner of the island walking toward me! He is just so doggone busy, which makes me SUPER busy! I think he is getting some new teeth because he has been a bit emotional today and clingy. Best part of my day though was when he was rolling around on the floor with one of the boys and he was asked "Where is Mama?" and he just looked at me and grinned! Yep, best moment ever!

In & Out

Joseph has been having fun getting things in and out of boxes, bags, his wagon, his shape-sorter, cabinets, and the shower! Yes, even the shower!! He is also taking steps around the house at his own preference and so we know that the crawling days are numbered . . . such mixed emotions! I have been clinging to that crawling stage, he is just so cute when he crawls super fast to grab me!!! I love this boy!!! Truth is, today about done me in and I actually put him in the car just to ride around to give us each a break for a few minutes and during that time picked up Matthew from baseball practice with Mitchell in the backseat. How did I become the caregiver to two teens and the mom to one super snuggly boy! Oh, one last awesome thing about this new stage Joseph is in is that he loves giving me cuddles, hugs, and just resting cheek to cheek with me, especially at Mass! He is now giving lots of big kisses to me, gotta love it. He is loving to smell my breath, especially after I brush my teeth (minty fresh) or when I have eaten a treat and it smells sweet. So much fun!!

Confusing

My cycle is off, really off. Not sure what is going on these days, but I do not like it. The last cycle lasted 39 days and I can't really say for sure if a new cycle has started. I mean, seriously, I don't often think that it is late enough to test, only to test and get weird results which results in my getting a bloodtest which only got my hopes of that we were blessed with another baby. Warning - TMI, cycle related. Yesterday I only spotted on the tissue 2 x Today, only a bit on tissue and pad. Really nothing all evenng, no severe cramping - extremely different than my other cycles. It is all very confusing and worrisome that my body has reverted back to being a huge mess. To be quite honest, I second-guessed the blood test for awhile and then rejoiced with the arrival of a need for a red sticker. Honestly, I have never rejoiced for a cd1!! Oh, well. I did get out my charts, so the fun begins. I can't wait to chart awhile and begin the journey in getting help with Dr. H again. Until, I will chase after the cutest boy around!

13 months

Joseph turned thirteen months old today and it was the first time, I did not wake up and know it right off the top of my head! I realized as I was feeding him lunch, he just laughed at me when I told him "Happy 13 months"!! So for the very forgetful and nutty woman that I am, we went yesterday to get his 1 year pictures done, because of course I had to do it while he was still 12 months old :) He just growing and moving and learning so much these days. I am astounded several times a day at how fast he is learning new skills and growing in independence! He is now 26.5 lbs and 31.5 inches, whew, no wonder my back aches these days! He is still a super snuggle bunny and loves to race across the floor in the living room and jump in my lap as fast as he can. He is still doing a few steps here and there, but his main mode of transportion is crawling unless he is using his push toy otherwise he is walking all over the house! He loves to talk and now he is fake sneezing!!! This boy is a character and oh, how I love him! My biggest accomplishment with him lately is trying to give him healthy foods to eat. He is a slow, choosy eater and now is tolerating more vegetables and fruits! Woo HOO!! This thrills me to no end. He is not much of a meat eater at all. Bread on the other hand, is quite addicting for him so we have to be very selective on that when bringing it out! I told my husband yesterday on the way home, "Sometimes I just look at him and think 'we almost missed you.' Meaning it took a great deal of faith and huge process to wait for him and believe me he was so worth the wait!!!

Quick Takes

While I am siting near Joseph sleeping, I decided I have time for a quick takes post. Here goes: 1. The weather here has been really chilly and Joseph's first reaction this morning when we stepped out the door this morning was a very discontented wrinkling of his nose and squishing his eyes :) One more reason to fall in love with him all over again. 2. No one slept last night . . . oh wait, at brief spells, Joseph slept and his Daddy and I did not! I actually made an appointment today to get his ears checked because it seemed (in all of my 3 am alertness) that he was rubbing his ears alot when he was waking up. He saw the doctor and she said his ears looked perfect but that he is getting a few more teeth on each side and on top/bottom so we just need to grin and bear it!! No, really, poor child the ibuprophen did nothing to ease his pain last night. He just wanted me . . . all night long. 3. We had a pregnancy hope (not scare) this week and it has been draining!!! Oh, how my heart dreamed and hoped. I was a bit shaken up about it for many reasons but alas, it is not the time for us. I did, however, unearth all of my charting stuff this week before thinking I could have possibly gotten pregnant. 4. I am still struggling big time with raising two teenage boys who do not seem to understand that we mean what we say and when the expectations we set out for them in the nature of rules is not followed, there will be consequences. The part I am struggling with most is that I am worried about my attitude in dealing with their behavior. I really need some mentors of good christian parents who are doing it right. Parenting is hard, but parenting children who have never been parented before is like climbing Mt. Everest for me!! 5. I really need to get in shape and start eating healthy. I try and then I fail. Food is a huge downfall for me and I need a huge injection of willpower. 6. Last night I was reading about postpartum depression and the use of progesterone support in helping ease the nature of PPD. I have to say that getting those PIO injections in the days that followed Joseph's birth and our coming home were a saving grace for me. I did not necessarily feel 'depressed' but I had lost all appetite (not good for a nursing mom), could not sleep, was excessively worried about Joseph,and was having heart pains. The only way I could describe it then was what I imagined a heart attack would feel like. I explained to one of my aunts when it was happening and she said it sounded like a panic attack. Outwardly, I was calm, but on the inside, I was falling apart and did not know why. I talked to PPVI and got help immediatley and did 5 shots of PIO and felt better immediatley. After the first dose, I was able to eat. Praise God, if you find yourself struggling with this cross, please get help. There is help available. 7. Joseph got his Flu vaccine today and two other vaccine shots. It takes a huge amount of grace for me to do these and schedule those appointments. HUGE!!! I literally pray the majority of the day that there will be no adverse side effects. We do have a fabulous pediatrician that uses an alternative schedule and this brings much peace to my heart. Have a great weekend, everyone! Be assured of my prayers for you all and your families!

Freaking out with Update

Update: Our test was negative and I would be amiss to not share that this was very disappointing news for both of us. I am not really suprised . . . I have been on NO medications. Nothing. I was just very hopeful and while there are a million and one reasons to say that, ideally, we are not ready to add to our family just yet, I was praying so hard that God had other plans!! I am one blessed girl, I get to love my little guy lots tonight and snuggle close and remember just what a beautiful miracle he is to my heart every single day of my life!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I am sitting here just plain freaking out. I need to remind myself that fear is not from God. Over the Christmas holidays I slept . . . alot. Jessy was home and I figured I was just catching up on my rest. Got the baby to sleep in his crib also helped the situation. Then my sense of smell hit an all time high recently. Then I cried . . . cried big time over something on the Tod.ay show yesterday. Then my top ladyparts were so sore, sore enough to wear two bras because the pain seemed unreal. Then I did the inevitable. I took a test. Last night, it was negative. I took another one this morning. It did not work. I went back to bed until Joseph woke up. When we both woke up I saw that the test showed a faint positive. But lo and behold it was after the 10 min. window of opportunity. I desperately want another baby. I am simply terrified of EVERYTHING!!! Of possibly losing a baby that I am not sure exists yet. I am achy, have a backache and crampy stomache. Please join me in prayer. On a sidenote, I did not have any more tests to use, so I asked my hubby to pick up one at Wal-mart but he forgot. So he stopped at the dollar store due to my pleading and I told him no one would know him. Well after he asks the lady for some she says they are out and as he is walking away she asks him "Are you from Hayes?" hahaha

A Walker

It is with great excitement (and a few tears) that I get to share that Joseph took his first big steps last night. He has been taking 1-2 steps here and there over the Christmas break, but he walked for his Daddy and I last night for about 6-7 steps. It was really unbelievable to watch. It was just perfect, seeing his Daddy's face light up and we both began to clap for him and he then clapped for a good ten minutes :)) He has been such a happy boy, learning brand new things every single day. I cannot believe he is already 1 and starting to walk. For the most part, I still feel like I am still living a dream. I cannot beleive I am raising and loving our sweet little boy every day and also raising my two teenage cousins. Whew, life is so full. There has been the reminder of loss here in our home lately. Our sweet Bailey got sick over the weekend and we brought her to the vet and she is still on the mend. The bloodwork showed that her liver enzymes were not right and it was making her dehydrated and very sick. They gave her fluids and we are doing meds fo her for 14 days in the hopes that she will make a miraculous recovery. It is very sad because she wants me and only me right now and when she is near me, Joseph wants her. She is moving more, jumping more, and eating a bit more along with drinking more water. The meds are hard to get down for her, so sad. She is only two years old and this sickness came out of the blue. She is the one who healed my broken heart after the loss of Nicky. She came into our lives about 3 weeks after the loss of the baby and she and I slept on the recliner together for three solid weeks until I was ready to sleep in our room again. She was very tiny and fragile and slept on my chest most of the time. It is hard to watch her suffer. She seems so hallow, but her spirit is just so friendly still. Our whole family, all five of us along with Daisy, just adore our Bailey so we are all praying that she is better very soon.

My encounter with Mary

Mass today was amazing. Not because I got to hear the homily. Not because I got to listen to the readings of Scripture. Not because I got to sit in my pew the whole time, because I spent the majority of the time keeping Joseph happy in the back. I did not mind, except that he is getting so heavy. From the back of the church I could tell my husband was haning on the priest's every word. It is not even because the priest spoke so well and Joseph obviously loved him from the moment he walked down the aisle, I could not even tell you his name. It was because there was a beautiful girl sitting in the pew right across the aisle from me. She did not look to be a day past her sixteenth birthday, She was glowing, positively glowing. She would look toward Joseph and I and just beam . . . as she held the most beautiful little angel closely and peacefully in her loving arms. I had never seen this young woman before at our church but then again we have been slackers lately in our church attendence with Joseph's sleep routine. She just looked to be the most patient, calm Momma in the whole church :) She was alone in the pew with her daughter and was just so prayerful for a girl her age. It was really a gift to see. So, naturally, after mass, I go over to say a little hello and introduce ourselves and her little one and Joseph finally get to say 'Hi'. They had been admiring one another from a distance for awhile. When I chatter with her, I said "What a beautiful daughter you have. She is very special. I can see she makes her mother very happy." This young woman just shook her head yes so big, with the largest smile I had ever seen and all I could imagine is how lucky I am to meet a "Mary" on this Feast of the Solemnity of Mary. I just love to see a good, young mother. It reminds me to always be thankful for their 'yes', and gives me a glimpse of what our Mom's must have looked like raising Jessy and I. My Mom was only 16 when I was born and Jessy's Mom was only 15. Speaking of young mothers, it was today, 36 years ago that my dear mother-in-law gave birth to my loving husband. I am so thankful that God called us to share our lives together, allows us to dream together, and to grow in faith and love together! I often forget just how blessed I am to have a life partner who is so giving, kind, and fun!!! We have enjoyed the last week and half, as he has been off and spent every day with Joseph, Matthew, Mitchell, and I. He is the most loving man I have ever known and I am so grateful to be loved by him. Happy Birthday, my love. You make so many of my dreams come true!