SIX

I have only six more working days left!!!!

I am so ready to be done, not to miss the income, but to just not have to deal with the drama and craziness!

I have to admit I am very anxious about the future in regard to being able to pay the bills without my income, but I am trying to take it all one day at a time.

I look foward to being able to take care of little bit and myself!

Yesterday was a bit scary because I thought that I saw some spotting. It was barely nothing and I told my husband if I called the doctor she would tell me to relax. Funny how specific our prayers can get sometimes. I was asking God to please keep my cervix CLOSED and to keep my progesterone levels up enough so that this baby LIVES!!! So we missed mass and I crawled back in bed for awhile and just slept off the anxiousness. I did have a few stretching pains (I hope that is what it was) and I mainly get them getting in/out of bed. Later that day, I read that at this stage, sudden changes in positioning can make you stretch more. I don't know, but I did feel comforted by it. After a couple of hours we did go see my father-in-law and my step-dad for Father's Day! It turned out to be a beautiful day, but I did stay anxious most of the day. I try not to talk about the anxiety I am experiencing because I don't even want to put it all in words because I don't want to appear unbelieving in God's miracles and ability to see us through to a live birth to this precious child!

Please allow me a moment to brag . . .
(beware - mushy stuff ahead related to celebrating my husband on Father's Day)

My mom and aunt did something very special for my husband for this Father's Day. They each bought him a card and my mom got him a girl's outfit and a boy's outfit that with a cute qoute about their daddy. I was most suprised and pleased by his reaction! It made my day ;) He was just thrilled and on cloud nine saying that sometimes "I am still having a hard time believing this is really happening!" Beautiful!

I got him a special flashlight (the man loves flashlights) and a cute baby gown that says "I love my Daddy." The flashlight represented that he is a guiding light for our family! I also said a Novena to Saint Joseph (thanks Mrs. Blondies) for my sweet husband and ended it on Father's Day.

I really was very aware of how hurtful Father's Day can be for those who have lost their father or for Fathers who have lost their children and especially for those couples who struggle like we did for so many years with the desire to become a Father. I felt bad about missing mass yesterday, but my husband did not. I think he was still not really wanting to go to church for Father's Day because all of it is still so fresh . . . all of the pain, all of the desire to be a dad. I did not push the issue, but I do beleive that he is thrilled about what is on the horizon - but we are still painfully aware that we are still early in the pregnancy and we can take NOTHING for granted.

Dearest Abba,
I ask you to bless our family with trust in your divine will! AMEN.