Better Day, emotionally at least.

I am not so emotional today. I have lots of distrations and there has been lots of laughter in our home this weekend. We ended up having an early dinner last night and one of my cousins, Matthew, (almost like a nephew) called and asked to come spend the night, so we got him after dinner and he was so excited because he was able to go fishing with J today. Matthew has been having a ball helping us spoil Baylie.
After dinner we ran to the grocery store to pick up some things for a bbq we are doing on Sunday, I lost my little temper with J. I kept telling him that I was not having a good day and that I was worried and for some reason, I hurt my right foot somehow yesterday and walking in the store was hurting me so bad. I was awful. We recovered well, but I just stayed in a foul mood. In the car on the way to get Matthew, I just let it all out about what was bothering me. I had previously told him the other night that when I am talking to him, I am not always asking him to fix it or make up solutions, I just need him to listen, so he did just the right thing this time. I was crying, just steady stream of tears, nothing heavy, but it just would not stop. J asked if we needed to make a few blocks bc we were getting close to Matthew's house. I tried to dry my eyes and once he got in the car, I have found myself not feeling sorry for myself so much. I was thankful that I was able to verbalize what was making me so irritable and worried. I told J that I just don't like my body. Period. I feel very betrayed by it and that I am stuck with it. I explained my worries about the doctor, weird cm, fear of infection that could worsen everything else in my body. My foot continued to hurt and remained a problem all last night and today so far. I soaked my foot in iced water and that helped some and then I took some aleve. I am having better cm which is lessening my fears and thinking that maybe my doctor could have been right, bc I am now having 10 ck. This was so unexpected, that I have to believe that it is an answer to prayer.
I have realized that trying to trust my doctor in all of this mystery is like having to trust God in the mystery of why my body was created as it was created. I am still discerning about interviewing other physicians in the area to make sure I find the best fit. I do believe right now that for some reason that all of this is not just about me. God is working on a much bigger picture here. By the way, my current doctor is not napro trained. He has the textbooks but has never had the time to go for training. I don't think he understands Creighton at all. I am thinking, how can he affort not to go to training? How many women and families would benefit from a doctor with that specialized knowledge. My prayers are not finished and I will be seeing my current doctor on June 29. I am finding that I am being more assertive, WITH EVERYONE.
So, thank you all for your prayers and advice. Your ecouragement is so helpful and some of the comments made me cry with thankfulness. I am blessed to have great friends in real life, but they don't understand the pain of this journey to its full extent, and I am so thankkful for all of you who do fully understand the journey I am on. Offering up prayers for you all.
I hope that Father's Day is not too much of a sad day for you all and your husbands. My husband is making a big deal in honoring his dad this year and we invited both of our parents over for a bbq. My mom and stepdad are coming by in the evening, while his parents will be by early in the day. I did buy my husband a simple card to let him know that I love him for all he is to me as my husband. I am not sure if I will give it to him on Sunday or save it for our anniversary on July 1.