Joseph Lee’s spiritual adoption

 

After the Good Friday service this afternoon, I was stopped by a sweet lady from our Church that is always so kind to me and in a very serious tone she told me “I have something to tell you.”  She was almost a little pale and I sensed there was something big coming and I was a little (ok, a lot) startled as I wondered in those seconds what she needed to say to me.  In those seconds as she gathered her thoughts, I was actually a bit nervous.

She began to ask me if I remembered going to a shower at a mutual friends’ house for a baby shower for our local pregnancy crisis center and I told her that I remembered.  It was actually a very difficult day for me.  She then asked me how many years ago was that and I thought about it and realized it was in 2009 and only a few months after we had to say good bye to Nicky.  Here is my post from that experience.  Well she began to ask me, “You were pregnant with Joseph then, were you?” I confirmed I was not and that we had just lost a baby a short time before that.  She then asked me “You were not in a good place at that shower were you?”  I confirmed that I was absolute mess in those days.  She then told me that she know that what she is going to reveal next sounds weird but that she just connected the dots and realized that with the baby she spiritually adopted she named him “Joseph Lee” and continues to pray for him daily.  I was immediately moved to tears, it was just another part of the puzzle in understanding just how many people God used to help bring us the biggest blessing of our lives.  This lady, Monica Andrus, and her Mom, Ms.Hazel, are beautiful women of God and I often see them about and ever since Joseph was born and they learned of his name they were always connected to him in a special way because Ms. Hazel told me that she had a son she named Joseph Lee and he passed away within a few hours of his birth.  Monica said this is why she originally chose to name her spiritually adopted child that name but that she now feels that God was leading her in a special mission for our little guy.  I completely believe that too. 

I often try to figure out what it was that was the secret to conceiving Joseph, having a healthy pregnancy, and a beautiful son to share our live with and it always comes down to just Grace.  Grace in getting the medical help I needed to help my body nurture life, help from the beautiful priest at the healing Mass, good advice to try often and not ever give up, and the countless prayers of many prayer warriors.  Today was extra special though in learning that another piece of that puzzle included God preparing the heart of Monica to pray for an unborn child, my unborn child, by name to the creator of life and see the fruit of that prayer every day. 

Truly, God is Good!  All the time.

Holy Thursday Activities

Joseph’s favorite Great-Aunt, Ancy Barbara, came for the day on Holy Thursday and enjoyed hanging out with him on the front porch!  She captured these cute pictures!  He was one very happy boy!!!  We are so thankful for her in our lives!!!

Thanks for spoiling us Ancy Barbara!!!

Dr Seuss

Joseph's taste in books are so random, but he finally decided he like the old hand-me down Dr Seuss books from his big cousins.
We read several of them throughout the day and lots at bedtime. His favorite is "the cat in the hat comes back" and tonight after his bath he asked for it by name, the full title! I love it! He is also growing his left top and bottom molars and growing teeth is such hard work, but his spirits are still up! He spent the day with Matthew and I visiting his Granny and paw paw and that is one if his favorite things to do! He loves them so much, I guess he knows when he is loved too ;)


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Just so I remember

Today Joseph's favorite word was "caterpillar". Next on the list was "dinosaur" -"all aboard" and yesterday's favorite was "elephant".
Oh, how I love this fun boy who just happens to be cutting some molars ;). Fun times!!!

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Dear Joseph,

Hi my love bug,
I just want to remind you how much I love you! You are the best gift God has blessed me and your Daddy with! You bring us more joy than we even imagined when we prayed to God for you! Last night we all played together for hours with your new barn and the old animals and John Deere tractors from your birthday cake! You loved all of it and last night when you were not tired we read storybooks together and I was able to hear you say 'elephant' for the first few hundred times! So fun!!! You are such a gift to us, I hope we can always find joy in the simple things, laugh at the silly things, and content to just be with each other. I want you to always know that in life your true riches are the things that you can't buy. I want you to know that your loved ones should always come first and that making them feel like the gift they are to you as the best gift you will ever give to others!
Right now you are completely fascinated by anything curious George.
During our nightly prayers these last weeks, we prayed a novena to your patron saint, St Joseph, asking for the special intentions of preserving your faith and soul, the safety of your family, and for the blessing of a special extra intention!
I live you, beyond all-ways!!!!
Love,
Momma


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St. Joseph's Feast Day

Our day was full, but filled to the brim with joy, thankfulness, and love! We were unable to make it to mass, yet we did pray a novena and asked his intercession for some very special intention!
Sometimes life finds me bogged down and I wish I had made the day more special with a special menu, yet I am giving myself some slack because we did alot of traveling yesterday.
I am so thankful for the great example St Joseph has taught us in loving, serving, and not being fearful but trusting when your world seems to turn upside down. I will forever be grateful that he was our powerful intercession for the miracle of our precious miracle boy!



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Daisy

Our sweet cat, Daisy, has been sick. I just realized how bad it was yesterday and first thing this morning Joseph and I brought her into the vets office. Joseph was so excited to take her in the van with us.
While we were driving, Joseph, her favorite companion, told her "it's alright,Daisy" and "it's ok Daisy Mae." He was such a sweet helper and comforter to her.
While she was being examined, he watched as her guard and lovingly kept telling her all would be ok. He told her "daisy at doctor, it's ok."
We have very limited funds for vet expenses but we were able to start her on antibiotics today and she has been drowsy all day. She is my little partner, she has been with us almost as long as we have been in our new house and she even made the trip to Omaha! She is my IF cheerleader.
We are praying the meds help her and ease her suffering. She is Joseph's best friend, she tolerates him always!


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My early morning thoughts

In my head, I am whispering to my sleeping boy "you know Joseph, if you grow up to be like your Daddy, you will be one amazing young man!"
It seems to me God teaches me things when I am not being charitable. Like this morning God reminded me just how charitable my dear husband is. He always was and that is probably why I fell head over heels in love with him so many years ago. His heart is good and it seems to come natural to him. As opposed to me, choosing good is usually deliberate choice because I want to naturally choose selfishness. Whew, that is hard to admit. Jessy is so much more trusting of the goodwill of others that if they do disappoint him, his goodwill to others never diminishes. Yes, it is for these reasons I would think Joseph has a fine example of a godly man in his life.

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3.15

It's the 15th of March! That means two things for me. First of all, Joseph is now 27 months old and his cognitive development is amazing to behold! It is just beautiful to see him learn new things, especially things he seemed disinterested in when I was trying to teach him like counting and colors! He know many colors by name and calls them by name as he builds his block towers, paints, or reads books. He is showing some interest and skill in counting too! I know these are normal tasks for his age but it is just fun watching him learn more every day.
The second thing is that on march 15, 2010 was the day we received the blessing of healing at a healing mass with Fr. Ubaldi and I remember leaving feeling as though my ovaries were on fire - I believe God healed my poorly functioning ovaries that night and Joseph was conceived that cycle, we learned about his presence on 4.15.10 and on 12.15.10 we met him and fell in love! March 15 is a pretty special day for me! And my family!!

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Daddy’s birthday

 

On New Year’s Day, my sweet (nutty) husband celebrated his 37th birthday!  It was a super special day for our family and I just love the smile on their faces!  What a gift Joseph is to us, what a gift Jessy is to our family! 

My husband works hard (physical labor) everyday and seldom complains.  He puts his family first and always does what is best for the whole family and very often puts aside his own wishes.  He teaches me everyday about selfless love and giving with out counting the cost.

He is a funny guy who always can talk to just about anyone and he was just thrilled to celebrate his birthday with me and the three boys.  He has never been one to want to go hang out with the guys and drink or do other things rather than be home with his family.  I am grateful for that.  I often wonder how God made him so different than the other men who are in my generation and who seek to promote themselves and not look after others, but I realize that God is the master matchmaker and he led my heart to Jessy and for that I am forever grateful! 

Here they are on New Year’s Eve, watching the big boys light some fireworks! 

My 36th birthday!

 

This post is really late, but Joseph is sleeping soundly and the house is tidy and quiet so I am blogging!

I am a pretty darn lucky girl to always have my birthday during the Mardi Gras Season.  My only request for my birthday this year was for Jessy to cook us a simple meal and I wanted a King Cake as my birthday cake.  Our dinner was amazing and the King Cake was a HIT!  Jessy had cheesecake this year and a few years ago I had cheesecake for my birthday and it was the fabulous year Joseph was conceived and born.  Maybe we will have the same fabulous blessing!  A girl can hope, right!

Here are a few shots from the evening, with Joseph enjoying the King Cake.

He then proceeded to streak before bathtime.  Good thing the older boys were at their Mom’s for the weekend!

Pope Francis I

 

Hooray, blessings to the world!  Our faithful college of Cardinals selected a humble new pope!  This is such a  day to cherish our faith!  Here is a picture of Joseph watching the crowds as we awaited the announcement after the beautiful sight of the white smoke!

 

Excuse the mess, Joseph wanted to get a closer look!

Joseph looks pleased with the man chosen!

Joseph says a few of the words to the Hail Mary and Our Father so he and I gladly joined the faithful in prayer!  My two favorite moments in this experience was hearing Joseph pray with the faithful and hearing him say “Hi Papa” in greeting our new pope.  He also bid him farewell by saying “bye Papa” as he left the loggia!

Here we are, filled with wonder and awe!

This is what he did in between!

Silly little monkey!

Sick days

Joseph has been sick since Saturday and we are finally on the upswing! It was basically a little cold from allergy symptoms. He doesn't get sick much anymore since the surgery for tubes last may, but it was in march of last year that he developed a cold from allergy symptoms that caused an ear infection or series of ear infections that would never heal completely resulting in surgery. We hope that this round of feelin under the weather passes soon!!
We have spent our days watching a curious George DVD - he whispers in his sick little voice "George, curious - please mommy!"
On a sidenote, when I am changing poopy diapers lately I sometime forget about his ability to repeat everything I say and I often open up that stinky diaper and say "oh, lord!" I apparently do this more than I know as I am wiping him clean because he say says it now too! He says "ahh Laaaawddddd". It is very fun but very bad that this is the lesson I am passing on! Note to self: only say out loud hat you are willing to hear repeated by to you by the little people in your life!

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a HAPPY post (photo overload!!)

It is time for some sunny days and here is a picture post to spread some sunshine.  Joseph took an unusual nap at a much earlier time today and so I worked on the computer handling our finances and then began to blog.  Oh, how I miss the freedom of two hands.  I really wanted to nap too, but ultimately I decided to do work and now I can play a bit before he wakes up!

I was able to capture these sweet pictures closer to Mardi Gras!  It turns out he was able to fit in his Mardi Gras onsie (yes, onsie) that was given to him from his great Aunt Shane.  It was size 24 months and fit him with barely enough wiggle room but he loved the big festive float (truck) on the front.  We missed going to parades this year.  The weather was not so great, lots of rain and cold and I really did not want a sick Joseph on top of all the those craziness we were trying to manage.

Joseph is not 26 months and I just realized he will 27 months old next Friday.  At his last doctor’s visit he was around 34 lbs and about 38 inches.  He is a big boy and full of character!  He is loving to talk and for me, I wondered if he would ever be a chatter box and he is most certainly a chatter box and he will make conversation with anyone, anywhere!  It is quite comical.  I believe he will be an extrovert and he is completely energized around others and it doesn’t have to be little people, he loves big people too and he is quite the entertainer.  He can make you giggle and his new thing is learning to whisper.  The only problem is that he only whispers when he wants and not when I want him to whisper, prime example – church!!

He is a greeter everywhere and I just love this little shot of him learning to open the front storm door.  He was quite proud of himself.  It is hard work to keep the button pushed and pull the lever all at the same as, especially when you are standing on your tip toes.

See, PURE PRIDE!!!!  Oh I love this boy!

He is all about being a boy!  He loves the dirt, trucks, sand, and even giggles when he passes gas!  He only call going to the bathroom “poo poo”  He is not ready for potty training but I need to make strides in that department before long! 

This sandbox has saved my sanity many an afternoon!  So glad for the friends who were able to gift it too us!

There is nothing cuter than a toddler squat I simply love the simple things!

My precious monkey (who is smitten with the other monkey, George) is waking up!  Have to hurry and wrap this up

Monkey FACE!

I love his concentration here in this shot!

This is what Joseph does while Mom is busy at the post office!  He runs his trains on the window sill and greets the patrons

 

Joseph and Goldie

Joseph and Pa!

Mitchell

Yesterday and today have probably been some of my hardest days emotionally.  Letting go of a child you love is so hard on your heart.  Even after the involuntary loss of our two special babies, I am finding this so much more overwhelming because I chose this for him.  I know he is not gone forever.  I know that I exhausted every local resource and internal strength that Jessy and I had in meeting the unique needs of precious man-child, but my heart still grieves in not being able to greet him first thing in the morning to see how he is, asking how he slept, and just knowing he is safe and sound.

We had a few hiccups in the transition, but for the most part I think that this is one of the fastest transitions for this type of situation and I think I got bogged down in the details and was just barreled over by the emotions I experiencing now.  I am praying, desperately clinging to Jesus, that we were led by HIS spirit and discerned appropriately in securing a safe, healing place for Mitchell.

Just getting him out of the local school and home, his overall disposition improved.  There were still areas of depression, anger, resentfulness but overall the issues were 85% better.  We only had a few moments were immediate disciplinary redirection were necessary.  Walking away from him was one of the single most difficult moments I have had to surrender to.

Matthew and Mitchell have been living with us for 19 months.  There is so much growing that happens in those years of being 13, 14, 15, and 16.  In just 4 months or so Matthew will be 17!  Mitchell will be turning 16 in October.  They have grown so much that these early pictures seem like so long ago.

Christmas Ever 2012

I have to constantly remind myself that we gave Mitchel many options to correct his behavior, we tried to give him the tools to be successful in choosing better behavior and that this time at the ranch is not a punishment for him but a necessary reaching out for something to click in his head and help him to find the path to a brighter future for himself.  I think of his Dad often and how we are chosen to guard Mitchell from evil (within our knowledge and power) and give him the best that we can offer him.  If something happened to Jessy and I , I would want whoever was caring for our Joseph to know that they should be able to trust whatever means necessary to reach him to help him preserve his very life, his precious soul.

I think what I am struggling most with is the fact that I feel like we sent him away, just like his mother did.  Like we are sending him the message that we don’t want to bother with him, so we just sent him away and that could not be farther from the truth.  I feel like this choice was almost the most compassionate, life-giving, selfless thing we could do for him.  I have to keep reminding myself of this truth!  I struggle with the fact that he is ‘alone’ at 15 years of age without his family near him.  I struggle with the fact that if he would have had a normal life, growing up in a loving home, not touched by the grief of losing a parent at such a young age and being fully dependent on a mother who was not able to emotionally meet their needs (which turned in to not meeting their other needs) he would not have to face the consequences of being at a Ranch/Boarding School type of facility away from the people who love him most.  I struggle that I became the ‘Mom” to three boys in 7 months and did a lousy job loving the two older boys with a maternal love that tucks in the child every night, does one-on-one bonding with all of them.  Joseph was a very high-needs child, still only is comforted by Mommy.  I know that when Mitchell and Matthew came to our house they were 13 and 15 years  old, respectively.  So many struggles. 

I stayed busy today, Joseph and I cleaned, played, did laundry, and even rearranged some furniture.  I keep waiting on an update from the Ranch.  I have three images that keep playing in my mind.  The first one is from yesterday morning, Joseph and Mitchell were playing blocks at his little tikes table and they were both sitting on the yellow plastic chairs building towers.  The second one is holding a crying Joseph and hugging Mitchell as he shook in my embrace trying desperately to keep his tears in but they overflowed down his cheeks anyway, kissing his forehead and blessing him “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit”, reminding him that we love him.  The third image is him running after me to the van (not just for another hug, haha, but for his ear buds for school).  He still got another big hug from me, though.

I am having to settle my heart consciously.  I am having to remind myself that we did make the best choice we knew to make giving the circumstances we are in.  I have to remind myself that none of this is about ME!!!!!  It is all about Mitchell, his healing, and his future.  It is about saving his soul.

Please pray for him, he has a sensitive heart and he struggles with depression.  I have come to learn that I do not understand depression, especially in how it manifests itself in teen boys.  Our family here at home could use some prayers, too.  Especially Matthew.  Thanks in advance.