My Day

My days are getting so full - full of wonder! Joseph is 15 weeks old already and he is growing so big! He is a babbling little fella who loves, loves, loves his Daddy-o! He is now saying "Maaa Maaa" I thought it was my imagination last weekend, but he has continued to say it each time he is ready to cuddle with me and go to sleep. We rock as I hold him close to me and I either sing to him or simply hum. Speaking of sleep, he is finally feeling better and sleeping so much better! Praise God! I figure I complain enough about some things, but I really want to remember that for awhile he has been sleeping 6-7 1/2 hour strectchs at night. This helps us keep up with his new energy levels :) He is so long he cannot wear any of his 3-6 mo. pjs. It is crazy how many amazing clothes he is not able to fully use. A few nights ago I wrestled one onto him and snapped a few pictures - he was literally busting out the seams of the feet pjs. He can still wear the regular clothes, just the footed ones are not working for him! He is trying to roll over, he almost gets there and then realizes that he is stuck! Today when my heart was so heavy with grief for a sweet friend, he giggled and made me feel so underserving to spend my days with him. I love him. I love being his mommy. Today, I went to the post office while my husband cared for Joseph as he napped. My husband told me when I got home that he just layed on our bed and watched Joseph sleeping in his bed and he just could not believe that he is our son. I think that when he is 18 and we are telling him to turn down his stereo we will stilled be filled with wonder that we have him in our life.

Joseph's Baptism

On Saturday, Joseph was welcomed into the Catholic Church and Christened.



The day was surreal.



Absolutely amazing, overflowing with grace!



We were surrounded by the Holy Spirit and all of our closest family and friends.



Joseph is so loved!



The absolutely funniest thing about the day is that he was perfectly calm before and after the ceremony! He was also serenely quiet at the exact moment of the actual Baptism and during the annointing and blessings.



My heart is still overflowing with wonder of being a mother to this precious child.



He takes my breath away, every day!



One thing I want to always remember about our day is that the parish priest did little to prepare for Joseph's Baptism, but the priest was asked to Baptize him went above and beyond to make the day memorable and holy. The priest that baptized Joseph is our former pastor and walked us through many years of infertility and adoption struggles. He always reminded us of our sacramental vows and love for one another and that the cross we were bearing was somehow necessary for the body of Christ. Anyway, he told us that the holy water was really cold and he did not want to use really cold holy water for Joseph's Baptism. He said that when he was pastor he would always warm water to use for baptisms to help the babies be less startled, but since he did not live there anymore he had no way to warm the water. So, creativity took over and he poured the holy water he was going to use into a crystal glass and passed it around during the ceremony in the hopes that all of the guests' hands would help warm the water. I thought "How much Joseph is loved that everyone here took their turn warming theHoly Water that would be used to welcome him into Christ's family." Now that is not something you hear every day.



Besides the fact that he worked so hard making sure everyone knew his voice, the crystal glass being passed around is a memory that will be with me always.



He looked gorgeous, but of course I am a bit partial!

Sometimes I forget

Sometimes I forget just what a miracle Joseph is to everyone in our little world.

Sometimes I forget just how much a baby fills the hollows of the heart when you are feeling like there is no joy in your world.

Sometimes I forget how painful infertility is to live with everyday of your life when all you desire is a child of your own.

I was reminded of all of this yesterday.

I was walking near my sweet aunt who is so special to me and our family trying to console Jospeh outside of the funeral home while attending the services for my great aunt and she got tears in her eyes just looking at our sweet Joseph. She has not been able to have a child of her own.

At that moment, I loved my aunt even more because I know that she would give anything to know the joy of being a mother and yet she only shows joy for our miracle!! I have never been as strong as her in that one moment!

Prayer Request

Today we got to meet a sweet little girl, six months old, who has had a overworked Guardian Angel.

She is completely precious and so loved!

Our friends have been asked to take her in and adopt her because her birth parents have made some really poor choices and are unable to give her a life that includes safety, love, and security. There are some roadblocks to making this happen so she needs lots of prayers that she will be able to stay with our friends and be adopted fully into their family.

She is already thriving and is so happy and she has only been in their care for a few days.

Prayers are needed for these friends because there three are already in college and they feel suprised by this new stage in their lives but God is making a way and providing a ton of support for all of them.

Prayers are needed for this sweet child and all who will determine her fate.

God, you are the creator of life and every child is your mighty handiwork! Amen.

Cold

Cold is a four letter word to me these days.

We cannot seem to get better. I think my run with the stuffy nose and cold symptoms is just seasonal allergies. My husband is just not fully well yet and has a cough still and has trouble hearing well because his ears are just troublesome. All of that I can handle, but it was nuts to care for Joseph while trying not to share our nasty germs. In the end he did get a viral infection and dealing with a pretty rough cold.

His sweet little eyes have been red/glassy, lots of congestion, coughing that started Thursday night, and when he threw up after eating on Friday morning, I stayed up and waited for the clinic to open to make sure that he not dealing with something worse. Of course when we get there, he sounds great - no coughing, etc. Well, they ended up doing a RSV swab and bloodwork. Praise God the RSV test was negative, but there was a virus of some kind that his body was dealing with and so the doctor ended up giving us some meds to help ease his congestion to help eventually reduce the coughing. For the week before this visit to the doctor, we were doing everything they told us to do. We were runnng the humidifier, using the saline drops and aspirator. Since we have returned home this poor child has been sneezing more and coughing less. The medicine is making the yucky stuff come out. I can't wait for him to feel better. Lots of bad mucus!!!

I have been a crazy nut, mu husband and I are driving each other bonkers because we are so sleepy. Since he was appartently trying to fight this illness off, he had not slept much and we did not know he was sick earlier in the week so no one really slept. Add the cold to the reflux issue, plus a mom who used to work with sick babies alot who knows everything that could go wrong - - and you have a crazy woman!!! I am suprised my husband has not rolled me under a school bus when it comes down our road!

While all this is going on, in the back of my mind I am worried about whether or not my husband will be able to return to work after his appt with the orthopedic doctor on Wednesday. His foot is still a pain for him and I am praying it is healing like they thought it could because I cannot imagine him having a surgery. Even now, he is such a trooper and caring for Joseph sometimes so I can sleep. Since Joseph is coughing less, we might all sleep again soon (at the same time), right now we are taking shifts!

Before having Joseph I never thought a cold could be this rough on a family. Now I know just how much it can tilt your world out of sync. While I am begging God for healing, I am thanking him letting this be the toughest thing we are fighting right now!

In other cold news - I need to get back on my thyroid meds. My feet STAY COLD!!! Nearly all week, I wore warm fuzzy socks and my husbands thermal hunting socks! At one point we had the heater on because it was just too cold for me!!! Who knows, that might be why we are all sick!

Creighton

I know, two posts in a matter of minutes.

While visiting my friend today she asked me about what was involved in getting certificed to be a Creighton Model instructor. I shared with her about what I learned when I checked into it awhile ago (probably 18 mo ago) but at the time I was trying to convince myself that if Iwas able to show the world that it worked for me, then they would buy into it even more. Well, you all know my story and there were many twists and turns along the way. My husband was not really on board with it for some reason (I found out tonight his reasons and they are workable). I still feel very called to pursue this. Can I do it?

I know that I will need the support (financial) to complete this but I have no idea where to start.

I remember talking to Dr. Hilgers about this, telling him I wanted to bring this healing to LA. There is so much hope for healing. I have the qualifications, having a B.S. in Pyschology, etc.

So my question to all of you trained, did you all have the backing of your local diocese or a doctor/clinic?

Everyone that meets Joseph is intrigued to know more about how to care for their fertility. I want to help bring the truth to them and I do so in my limited way but I want to do more. Do any of you know of any scholarships or sponsors? There are really no doctors in the area that buy into Crieghton locally to get their support. Any advice will be appreciated.

My Sacrifice, My Blessing

This morning I woke up with the sniffles. Just thought it was a result of barely any rest because Joseph had an 'awake' night. He was not really fussy, just AWAKE! At one point after I just put him back to sleep, he woke up crying and I actually told him "Please stop crying." My husband was feeling better this time so he took over and let me rest some more. That was the best gift ever.

Joseph and I tried to make it to mass today to get our Ashes and all I can say is that the effort to go was enough. We got there early, sat in the cryroom and he was great, until the homily was being shared by the bishop. Joseph began to cry and I could not get him to be at peace. I ended up leaving with no ashes and no communion. As I left with him so distraught in my arms I knew, in the deepest part of my heart, that one year ago I would have given my left foot (and leg, arm, or even liver - hahaha) to have this problem. So there will be no complaints.

NONE.

I was able to have a baby, MY BABY, need me in a special way and there was no other place I would have rather been. I was exactly where I needed to be.

Just for laughs, I will say that I was able to go visit a friend after mass and for the most part, he did well. Yet, I had to go to w.al.mart after that to get groceries and there was no possibility of putting that off and guess what Joseph did the whole time we were there . . . he slept . . . like an angel. I think that was pure grace!

Fat Tuesday

Mardi Gras is always a time of mixed emotions for me. It used to be a big family day since we would spend the whole day with my grandparents who lived right off Ryan St., the Mardi Gras parade route. We would gather early for visiting and some yummy homemade food. My grandma made the best food and it did not matter what it was she cooked, it was always good and there was always something eat no matter what time you went over. Tonight on the news I caught a glimpse of their old house as they were reporting on the Mardi Gras parade and immediately my heart was filled with warmth and then I got very lonesome.

My stepdad and his parents, my grandparents, were quite likely the only people in my family that were authentically Catholic and truly lived the sacraments and I miss that. I have one aunt that is Catholic and understands our faith and why we live our life the way we do. No one on my husband's side actively live a life of faith by participating in the sacraments. I think that is why I desrie so much to create a family life that actively celebrates a sacremental life so that our child will fall more in love with Christ and the Church daily. I know that we can do everything possible and he could walk away from it, but we will live in faith that he will embrace a life of truth, generousity, and grace. I hope to inspire him and any other child the way my grandparents inspired me to live a life of virtue.

In preparing for Lent, I immediately thought that I feel like I have been living Lent already, but I was reminded that I am living my Easter right now.

Everyday with Joseph & Jessy is Easter.

Ups and Downs

I know that suffering can take on many different forms and for me that has manifested itself in missing mass again this Sunday.

We finally got out of the house last night and visited some friends. I 'knew' Joseph was well enough to get out and my husband was running a slight fever, but we were all getting cabin fever and some friends were in town and they did not mind that my husband was running a slight temp and we just made sure that none of the kids got around him too close. We had the best time and it did us a world of good. We were given tons of baby toys, boy clothes, and future sippy cups - fabulous time! All of this seems great, except we stayed too late and when I got home and put the baby back to sleep (he took some good sleeps over there) I passed out too. Next thing I know Joseph is waking at 5 am crying to eat and I struggle to open my eyes. My husband is not in the bed next to me. I am feeding the baby when he comes back into the room and I am surviving with itty bitty slits of my eyes open when he tells me he could not sleep and could I take him to the local urgent care because his ear is muffled, running a 102 fever, and bad cough. He wants to wait until the clinic opens at 10am, so I get the baby back to sleep, crawl back in bed for an hour until Joseph wakes again. When he wakes up, I feed him, change him, pack the diaper bag and load him up in the car, along with my staggering (boot leggy) husband. We make it to the clinic (45 min away) and while my husband is in the doctors office, I keep Joseph happy. hahahha Happy baby and long waits - not happening.

By the time I get the prescription filled (3) and buy cough syrup and get my two guys home it is really late. The doctor said that my husband's ear infection never fully healed and the additoin of the sinus/cough was not helping. Almost immediately, the meds begin working on my husband and he sweats his fever out, praise God. At the store getting the meds, I bought snacks for my husband because he was getting steriod meds that make you want to munch all the time. So he became a much happier man, quickly :) Joseph on the other hand was so tired, that he would wake when I put him down. That did not last too long, he is resting peacefully now on his own.

So, that is why I missed Mass again. On Friday, I tried to go to daily mass, but for some reason the mass was cancelled. I will make it back, I will.

In other fun news, I was able to go to the pre-Baptism class yesterday and I felt so renewed in my love for our Church and in the knowledge that God loves us all ways! I am looking foward to Joseph's Baptism, only 13 more days!!!

Exactly 51

weeks later, cd1 arrives (last night).

March 9, 2010 was my last cd1.

Cramps still stink and it was crazy to see fertile signs and not using those days.

Not much else to say but it is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that people talk to me like I am fertile (I hope so) and need to practice avoiding because of my c-section. I want more than anything to give Joseph a sibling one day...until then I will enjoy giving him my undivided attention each and every day!

Quiet

It is quiet in my house.

The tv is not even on right now. No baby is crying and no husband is miserable and bored.

I have the computer to myself and a big glass of iced water beside me and the sun is shining right outside my front door, praise God!

JACKPOT!!!

I never thought I would relish is quiet again, but I am!

Our routine had been off for awhile and all three of us were miserable. Add to that the fact that the spring weather (as welcomed as it is) gave both hubby and I some crazy sinus headaches and you can see how we are singing praises for good moments.

Yesterday was the craziest day ever and I am realizing that I cannot do what my husband does well and he cannot do what I do well. I may not be making sense, but the things he does for our family really matter alot and I can get them done but not without great effort. He can care for the baby for awhile but it completely wears him out, but he does have a huge boot on his foot and a broken bone so I need to give him some slack.

Having him home has been wild for all of us. We no longer are carefree and when we are sleep deprived from a baby who was wanting to eat every 2-3 hours for 2 nights we don't have the same zeal for kindness to one another at each fork in the road. We giggle about it and are not fighting about it, but I don't want to start!

Joseph is doing well, thank God for a great night last night. He slept for about 6 hours before waking to eat at 2:30 am! I fed him, changed him, and was able to rock him to sleep pretty quickly (around 4am) and he slept until 7 am! My husband took over then and let me sleep for another 2 hours. So now that Joseph is down for a good nap, my husband is taking his nap! I hope they both wake up cheerful.

The other night we rented movies and watched them for a few days. I feel like my chores have doubled. I missed mass on Sunday because I was just so tired and I need to make Mass a priority again. I will get there. I keep telling myself that we can go to daily mass soon, but I tend to wake up when Joseph wakes up in the mornings and those times are not lining up, so I have to make a better effort starting today!

Joseph is 11 weeks old today and the fact that he is getting older leaves me with mixed emotions! I love all of his new tricks and development, but I wish I could get that 7 lb 15 oz baby back and smother him with kisses and not rush that newborn stage.

Joseph is loving watching his hands and recently reached for a toy rattle. He can sit in his bumbo for awhile, but I am really not wanting him to sit us too well just yet. He coos all the time and 'talks' to us in conversation style in which I talk and then he talks back! He is starting to enjoy his pacifier for a few minutes before going to sleep.

He has his 2 month check up last thursday and did remarkably well!

2 month stats:
Height: 23 3/4 in. (90th percentile)
Weight: 12 lbs 1 oz (50th percentile)

He is growing like a weed and there is nothing I can do to stop him!!