Pathetic, but Thankful!

Thursday evening/night and Friday morning were ROUGH at our little house.

Joseph was miserable and we were able to console him, but it took great measures and there were very brief times of rest for any of us! We were working on fumes and the thing was the week was long for us, but this just put us over on the "ARE WE GOING TO SURVIVE THIS STAGE" mode.

Some things that caused a huge worry for me at this time were my milk seemed to have disappeared, in one breast particularly and I was convinced that my milk was making him sick. He was very cranky and gassy and he had little red spots all around his chin/upper chest/back of neck. Then when he would be awake, he was crying! Not little whimpers, cries that just broke my heart. We needed to get him some relief, but we really felt like imposters trying to be good parents. We were fumbling our way though it! Looking back on it now, we have a different perspective, but in the moment, it felt like it would last forever. I felt powerless in trying to meet his needs and all I could do was rock him and help him get any rest he could.

He slept from 12:40 am until 3 am, then from 5 am until 7 am, and then from 9 am until 9:40 am. Then I was trying to pump in between his sleep so we would have his next meal ready. I was emotional from the lack of sleep and then got upset with myself for just wanting a better balance - I begged GOD for this, what is wrong with me! I can sleep in 20 years, right?

So anyway, when I had a few moments of quiet - he was asleep on my chest, I called a friend of mine back and when I heard her encouraging voice, I caved and shared my distress. I was so thankful to have someone who understood that time of waiting and receiving and riding the tough moments out to wait for the next good ones :) She is one has been a huge encourager and prayer warrior for our family and I am so grateful to have someone listen, but she even came by my house to bring us some things and show Joseph some love. I felt like I was so pathetic, but so thankful to have a friend who cared so much for us. She brought us some helpful things and she has the same pediatrician for her child so she can share helpful advice that she learned from the pediatrician in raising her sweet daughter.

A few moments later after that phone call, another friend of ours called to say that she would not be able to come by on Friday evening with her kids because her youngest child was sick with a fever and that they would come another time. Well, as I am talking to her she hears my stuffy nose and finds out how little sleep we have gotten lately and decides to get her mom to watch her kids and she pops over to the house for about 3 hours to visit and let me take a nap. I was able to sleep for about an hour and it was such a peaceful rest because I was not worried about Joseph, I knew he was in good hands. It was incredibly hard to step away from him, even for an hour, but I did it so that I could be better for him. It was just enough time to re-energize me and it helped me make it through the evening.

We ended up using some advice from my friend about giving Joseph about 2 drops of mylecon before each feeding and by the grace of God there was no huge crying discomfort spells last night. Each time he fell asleep, he slept for almost 3 hrs each! My husband and I feel so refreshed! I ended up sleeping so hard, my husband was waking up first to hear him. Even this morning, I slept when he slept and I finally feel like a real person.

I never thought I would be so thankful that all of my friends had their babies before we had our Joseph! I am so blessed to learn from their wisdom and encouragement that these stages will pass!

Today, Joseph is already 1 month old! It makes me a bit sad, then I realized this is a huge milestone and I am so thankful that is doing better!

He is a happy baby today! Thank you Jesus!

We have been covered in prayer and we are forever grateful for that!

The milk production improved a bit, but we did supplement yesterday. The fussiness and red spots could have been from a pizza we ate on Wednesday night and I ate some leftovers on Thursday for lunch! Apparently, the pizza sauce caused him misery (or so that is what we are trying to blame). So I am trying to cut out dairy (the major sources), chocolate, and tomato based foods. Salads make both of us miserable as well as orange juice, so it is fun to figure out what to eat these days, but whatever it takes we will try at this point.

I am no longer sad to supplement and I am no longer putting huge pressure on myself for pumping. I simply cannot pump every two hours for 10 minutes when I am alone with Joseph and he is fussy. I want to enjoy all of the moments with him and when pumping can work, I will do it. I have allowed myself to know that God will give me the means to care for Joseph! God will walk me down this pathway to being a good Mom. He will teach me, along with his Mother being a good example for me. We will take it one moment at a time. That is all God expects of us and he is the one who has given us this vocation!