You know there has been a lot of time that has passed since our trip to see Mitchell for his baptism and to be quite honest I just had to process a lot from our visit. We brought him to see a new doctor and during our drive, he shared some things that bothered me to my core. I really had to pray, discern, and make a game plan for my next steps. It was really bad, to the point that I had to ask Jessy to stop talking and to just listen to my concerns and then pray for me because they hurt my gut. I was in a really bad place and I had to trust my husband’s leading to wait and get all the facts before jumping to conclusions about things I wasn’t sure of at the time. We did agree to get some sound advice from a friend we were planning to visit the next day and then finally, I was able to rest, eat, and just function enough to chase my crazy two year old.
All of that being said, I was incredibly and am still incredibly proud of this young man whom I have always loved. Nothing could express the joy, relief, and full heart that I had upon setting my eyes on him the first time that night. I think I was perpetually holding my breath wondering how that meeting would be. Imagine, I was the one who had to leave him alone after driving him 3 1/2 hours hours to this place and walk away with tears in both of our eyes.
To say I was thrilled to see his smile when we he walked in the church still doesn’t accurately describe the joy I felt in knowing he was feeling better, valued, and learning that he is worth something to preserve! Everyone we met were welcoming, kind, and very generous in sharing how much they, too, love Mitchell. Sometimes I think it is the hurting souls who are able to garnish such high praise because they are not seeking it, but it comes from their natural ability to not know a stranger. Does that make sense? Mitchell can be friends with anyone, young or young at heart, fully-abled or disabled, sorrowful or joyful. It is his gift. I have told him this many times, but he doesn’t quite grasp just the rarity of that gift and the fact that it comes natural to him. I think part of my biggest struggle with him was the fact that he did not wish to always use that gift to glorify God or show the world that it was ok to be who you are and that is enough.
Well, all of that being said, sometimes I think I am his biggest cheerleader and unfortunately, his biggest critic at times. Sometimes I think I expected too much from such a wounded boy…that I wanted him to also see the brokenness so we could help him find healing, but that apparently is not what I am being led to do .. . I am simply called to love him . . . right where he is and support him in any way I can. This has actually been the hardest parenting lesson that I have learned with raising him and his brother. I can only do for them what they want done for them. I can pray, I can love, I can support but I cannot carry their cross for them. I cannot IDENTIFY their cross for them, I cannot take away their cross. Besides, it was the cross that has prepared me for my greatest blessings, so I would like to believe that it will be the same for him and his older brother, Matthew.
Raising two teens who have significant issues has really been a struggle and a blessing. Only God knows why he asked us to this work for Him, but I trust that even with our mistakes, God’s got this
Here is a photo of Mitchell preparing for his baptism and in the moments before the baptism, Pastor Denny, is sharing with him how pleased God is with Mitchell and how Mitchell has special gifts and that God can and will do a mighty work in his life. I was deeply touched that the message I have been trying to share with Mitchell is being received . . . only there is a different messenger and I am so thankful for that.
“Come Holy Spirit. . . . .Come Holy Spirit . . . .Come Holy Spirit.”
I was invited to get close and capture some pictures of his special experience and those words above were my prayer. I had tears of joy and thankfulness.
THE HOLY SPIRIT CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still feel my heart stirring when I see this image again . . . it was like the bondage just vanished. God is truly the miracle maker. Forgiveness, worthiness - - - this is what Jesus died on the cross for . . . this redemption.
The emotion was raw. Complete. Holy. Breathtaking, beautiful.
Holiness, Holiness, Holiness is what I long for, Holiness is what I need.
This picture above is still the one that reminds me that all of ‘this’ was necessary. All of it, for this one moment in time. A life changed, a heart on fire, and love known.
Below are pictures of Mitchell and Joseph. Joseph was so excited to see his Mitchell. I think in the first moments, he thought Mitchell was a figment of his imagination. He missed him so much, he couldn’t take his eyes off of him. They were both so happy together. Too bad Matthew was still in school and couldn’t make the trip with us.
Well, we are getting ready for another visit this week. Any prayers are welcome, still have some things to work out. Yet, for today, I am counting blessings, singing praises, and thanking God for making a path to Mitchell’s heart.
Dearest Abba,
Please keep all my boys safe, today and always. I especially ask for special protection for Mitchell since he is so far away from home tonight. Amen.
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