Ho Hum Days

The days have been going so slowly these days. Although, I would like to let this day go on for awhile since I took the day off from work. I had my blood draw today for p+7, although today is only P+6. I also did the blood draw for the cortisol level. I am quite interested in finding out what these results will be. I did have to speak to a nurse to find out how to time my injections (hcg) since I was having to do the blood draw one day earlier this cycle. She just told me to skip the injection for p+5 and then resume on P+7. This made me very happy bc I am just really nervous how my body seems to be responding to all of these fertility meds since this cycle. This cycle has been very different for me and I was very afraid that my ovaries were not responding well to all of the meds. It has actually been better today. I have been having some off the wall symptoms and it got me so nervous and made me wonder if this is the right path for us right now. J seems to have faith that we need to observe the counsel of our primary physican and I wondered if I should somehow just listen to the signals my body is sending me. I will have to do another injection on saturday night, so we will see. I just don't feel normal in all of those tender areas and I get tired of people telling me that my body is still healing. I did not feel the same pains when I was on the two months on no fertility meds. I truly feel neurotic.
I did try to schedule an appt with a new doctor that I was really wanting to see and she is only taking ob patients. I let it go for a day, then I called back to see if she might change her mind knowing that I am trying to get pregnant. All they told me is that once I am pregnant, I can set up an appointment with her. I think it is best that I choose a new doctor, but I really feel like there is not a lot to choose from right now.
I almost lost it at the lab today. I finally got called back and when they did the draw, another girl came by and looked at the orders and started to prepare for the mailing of them to ppvi while the other girl did the draw. They wondered (out loud) why I was getting all of this done right in front of me. I humbling said this is what happens when you are SICK ALL THE TIME!!! Needless to say, they asked no more questions and then were very kind to me until I walked out.
If you would know me in real life, you would know that I go out of my way to be a kind, courteous patient. So I did not get mad, I was just forthright. Heck!! I am tired of being sick. I am tired of the doggone blood draws. The last time I was there was when I was pregnant and getting the beta hcg levels monitored. I was blown away by the receptionist's bulging belly. I swear she did not even look pregnant 3 months ago when I was there last.
I have to say that is the hardest part. Seeing bulging bellies that are so clearly full of life. It took everything I had inside of me to not crumple there on the floor in a teary mess.
I don't know how long I will be called to suffer, but I do know that I hope that I can do it well. Or, I should say better than I have done it in the past. A friend of my recently told me they are expecting (unexpectedly) baby number five. I was so happy for them, but realized that was my dream. To always be generating new life. One more layer ripped away. I am trusting that our third baby is waiting in the wings. Hopefully this will be one that we will be able to meet, hold, and love here on earth.