I am literally

 

about to lose my mind. 

This heart can only take so much stress.

I have been working like a mad woman trying to do all of my part to get Mitchell ready for his transition/move for a year and today I called to make sure what time we should arrive there to complete paperwork and bring him and they throw me a HUGE curveball.  Seriously, I am stressed, worn-out, and just plain overwhelmed.  They told me basically that there was never a formal acceptance of him for admission yet because they did not receive a Psychological Assessment on him yet.  I explained to them that the Psychiatrist’s office told me that she faxed in everything I requested over 10 days ago.  My next call was not much better when I called the office to see if they can hurry and send in that information.  He cannot go until they review this assessment.  They psychiatrist’s office tells me that they cannot do it there and that I will likely need to schedule it with another psychologist.  I call them and the earliest I can get him in is on the 8th of March and then at least another 10 days for the paperwork to be completed.  Oh, and the cost would be 100% my responsibility for $600. 

My next call is to the Ranch asking if they have anyone they normally use to these type of circumstances and I get a name and number with a much better price tag but when I call I get their voicemail.  I have been functioning with the mindset that if I can survive until March 1st, I can have my own Mental Health Day” but it seems it will be delayed which for all intents and purposes is ok, if he would just stop giving me H.E.L.L.  Yesterday, I was about to give up, he was full of anger, meanness, and bad thoughts that he garnished from his visit with his paternal side of the family over the weekend.  Waiting is ok, if he would stop fighting me tooth and nail about all of it.

The other side of his family seemed to undermine what we are trying to help him accomplish by going to this ranch, but they are not with him daily and do not get the calls from school or have to be responsible for his well-being and soul.

Joseph has been a trooper while I try to get things done and supplies bought, but the reality is I miss spending my days focused on playing and learning with just him and having the older boys at school.  Joseph is a homebody and all this running around is taking a toll on him.

There has been financial stress too, but it is all going to be ok.  Jessy’s truck died last week and we searched for a new one rather than sink all our money into a repair again that would not last and ended up buying a nice family truck and the monthly note is good, but still unexpected.

I want my calm life back.  All prayers welcome, especially for Mitchell.