In all reality, my life is chaotic. Just like every single one of my readers. In addition to living out my vocation as wife to Jessy and Momma to Joseph, I get the astounding responsibility of caring for my two teenage cousins who have lacked parental direction for nearly their whole lives. Every day is a challenge for Jessy and I and most certainly, life can’t be easy for them either. When you are used to running the show, it is hard to change gears and follow the lead of someone else.
Well, we have worked diligently for the last ten months getting these boys through the seventh and eighth grades (with near honor roll each nine weeks), got them involved in church, and extracurricular activities, fed them every single day, loved them, dried their tears, and prayed them through some hard times. Unfortunately those hard times are not yet near the end. Their mom is still very sick, physically and emotionally and continues to bring them sadness. We have to take that very slow, each step of the way (yes, glad Mother’s day is over in regard to this issue).
You would think that with so much love, energy, and dedication these boys would be behaving for the most part, following through with our discipline requirements, and simply try to earn our trust. Not so. Recently, in the past month they both found themselves in a good amount of trouble at home and at school. We worked hard to match our punishments with the crime, we tried to motivate them to encourage good behavior but the they have a difficult time staying focused and respectful.
As a last straw recently, we have gotten them to sign an agreement to certain behavior standards with the condition that if the standards were not met, they would not be allowed to participate in the trip planned at the end of the month. In our thinking, they would never do anything to risk losing the opportunity to take this trip because we primarily planned and booked it with their interests in mind. Vacations and travel were never really a part of life before coming into our home. Last week, they both behaved in such a deplorable manner and so they will be missing out on the trip. I was so heartbroken by their behavior, heartbroken by the consequences. I was so sad for them but Jessy and I, as well as the boys knew what was expected and if we falter in not following through on the consequences, nothing will be learned. Wait, the only lesson the would learn is that we give in and so we are sticking to our deal. They will not be making the trip with us and the scope of our travels has changed significantly. We have never left the big boys alone with anyone else since they came into our family (home) but we have both my Mom & my aunt (both aunts to the boys) who have agreed to care for them in our home while we are away.
Like I said, I was heartbroken over this, just sick to my stomach about all of it. Then our resolve was confirmed to stick to our expectations for the boys in church on Mother’s Day and in our conversations with extended family about this issue. I just felt so guilty that I was taking something they deserved, needed, etc from them. Yet, I have learned (thanks to the Holy Spirit and lots of prayers) that I am not the one doing the ‘taking away’, they did that themselves. They clearly knew the deal and commitment, the choice was theirs, not mine. They had the power to choose differently and they did not. I am not taking away anything, I am simply following through on the agreement that was made. They made the choice, I am making sure it is enforced.
This whole starting to parent teenagers that lack internal compass (conscience) is hard, but in the grand scheme of things, one small inch in the right direction is saving these boys their futures!
With all our might, we are doing our best for Joseph to learn these lessons early, rather than a decade too late like the older ones.
The big boys are honestly good souls they just have not received the care they needed for so long that we are now helping them fight to remove the weeds that are threatening to suffocate their future.
God, you do know what your purpose is in having those boys come into our family, please keep us all safe, holy, and pure. Amen.
The younger one is still testing limits but we have a big heart to heart talk this evening after he got off the phone with his Mom. I feel very grateful to God that He finds us worthy to care for their tired, sad souls but at the same time we just pray we are doing some good. We really are not worthy!!
