New Developments

Joseph is learning to sleep in his crib. Yes, it only took us a year to teach him that skill :)) I had to figure out how to do it in my way and get the confidience to stick with it. I was determined to teach him this new skill when we were both ready (ok, more me than him). The truth of the matter is that he slept in a bassinet for the first 3 weeks or so, then slept in his nap nanny swaddled for 4 1/2 months, then he slept in his (although fitfully) pack/play for 6 weeks, after that we started to introduce solids and his Reflux went nuts and he was in serious pain despite every single thing we did. We elevated the bed, changed meds, etc and he was still very disrupted with sleep. So around 7 months old, I bought the NCSS by Pantly and devored it. Yet it was with this book that cosleeping entered our family world and while I will admit I loved all the extra bonding time with the amazing snuggles, I really felt like we were doing a dis-service to him because he grew very, very dependent on me to sleep. He associated me with sleep, just like he associated me with eating, playing, etc. Co-sleeping is fine, but I was always nervous that something would happen with him falling out of our very tall bed. Plus we were interrupting his sleep and his movements of rolling over could have got him tangled in the covers, so I never really slept peacefully for the last 5 months of so. Well, last night, he slept in his crib for the first time since he was born...it took what seemed like 3 hours to establish this routine, but it did not involve alot of crying (except I cried at some points because I would have rathered just hold him) and he slept for 11 1/2 hours total, waking up twice in that time frame. I started at around 8 pm, and he finally fell asleep around 10 45 pm. Really late, but timing will be the next step. He woke up at 2 to eat and then again at seven thirty, he ended up sleeping for another 3 hours after the second feed. And Jessy put him down the last time. I guess that is our Christmas miracle. Praise GOD!!! Jessy is off this week and I have been able to catch up on my sleep, I think that is why I felt up to the challenge last night to do it. Well, night two is done now and it only took about 40 minutes and very little crying and with each moment of crying I comforted him and so we were both satisfied with this process. I could never do the CIO or controlled crying and I felt like such a wimp because of it, but I really am glad I found a fit that works for both of us! Today we spent the day in Houston bringing all the boys to the Downtown Aquarium. It was really fun and a way to just spend family time together. Tonight, in addition to celebrating Joseph's new skills, I am sending up prayers of thankgsiving for Marie's new daughter, Elizabeth Marie! Miracles abound and I am so happy to see them unfold!

One year ago

I recently found this picture and I love it!

Thank you God for giving me a son to love and hold!

Quick Takes - Christmas Version

1. Today I got to go on a date with Jessy and the three boys :) hahahaha!! It was to our favorite restaurant and we were given a $100 gift card to take the whole family there for a Christmas dinner. It was fabulous and Joseph was nearly perfect. He passed out once we got in the van, I guess being good wears a body out! 2. I got to do about 45 minuntes of shopping by myself today picking out three gifts, one for my Mom, my MIL, and SIL. The boys were all in the van. Well, the moment I stepped out of the door, I heard Joseph! hahaha. He apparently made up for lost time by giving them a terrible time when I stepped away to make the purchases! So funny, I don't know who wanted to cry more - Jessy, Joseph or Matthew and Mitchell! I laughed 'til I cried. It was when I was finished getting two of the gifts gift-wrapped (for free) that I saw Jessy texted me that the baby was getting cranky! Poor child stuck with all those boys! 3. We are planning to host the Christmas Even dinner and gift exchange for my in-laws tomorrow evening. We traditionally make gumbo and this year my new tradition is making a birthday cake for Jesus! I am so excited to start new traditions! 4. Speaking of gifts, we finally have them all and I only have 4 wrapped. I told the pharmacist (yes, this is who I have my quality converstaions with these days) the other day that I used to be so organized but having two teens and one year old have made our normally organized life into a chaotic mess :) Yet, I would not have it any other way! We are trying to do a three gift limit and then stocking gifts. Three gifts represent the gifts from the Magi!

My Day

The days in our home busy. Super busy. There are ranges of emotions that have me in a tailspin somedays. Today the teething little ragamuffin and the two very emotional (all be it, understandably so) teenage boys have worn me smooth. I feel like I have no sharp edges anymore, just roll me down the hill and I will be gone in seconds. On the other hand, sometimes I feel like I have too many sharp edges. I feel like a living example of to whom much is given, much is expected. Not in the terms of financial resources, that is for sure, but in terms of young souls to ready for Heaven. I know that as the boys grow older, they will have to do their own spiritual work to prepare their souls for Heaven, but the foundation is being laid now to help them learn how to love a God who is sometimes not fair, but always, ALWAYS, loving. We do not live in a perfect world. Today, I dealt with a 14 year old who wanted to act as though he were 2 years old, and 15 year old who just wants a happy life, and a very miserable teething boy. The 14 year old is always emotional after a visit with his mother. It is understandable, but draining to constantly go through this process time and time again. Both older boys love and adore their Mom who is extremely ill and was sent home with a oxygen tank on Wednesday night and was tested for ovarian cancer on Thursday. I tried all day to settle the 14 year old down so that he wouldn't butt heads with Jessy this evening but it just did not work. The older one doesn't seem to have a varying personality after his visits, but in all honesty he keeps his feelings hidden. He stores and then blows up when you least expect it. When I say blow up, he tends to just raise his voice a bit and then immediatley starts to cry. Tonight, after addressing the behavior, they were both in tears. Joseph was in tears because I would not let him eat food off the floor that he threw down there, so needless to say, we had our full serving of tears this evening at the table. I will be honest, I do not write about the older boys much because I think I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like they will not be with us forever although no one else in the family will take them in and their mother is unable to care for them. Joseph is quite attached to them, as are we. We are enjoying, for the most part, being a family of 5. I explained to them tonight that we do not live in a perfect world. We do not always get what we want and sometimes our prayers are not answered in the way we request, although they are always answered. Life is hard. In a perfect world, their father would still be living, their mother would be healthy, and Joseph would have two older siblings. We explained that they are here because we LOVE them, not because we owe this to them or anyone else. Plain and simple, God told us to care for them and we are being obedient in loving them and caring for them. As my husband explained this to them after they basically said they would rather be somewhere else but there is no place for them, I just saw my husband in such a godly light. He just told them "I love you two and that is why you are here. No other reason." Now tell me again, isn't that what God is telling us each day we breathe in a fresh breath. Is that not what God is telling us with each new conception, wanted by the parents or not, this child is wanted by God, created for his purpose, to be loved by Him. I am so thankful for my husband. So thankful God led me to a holy, just, and caring man. I am am super thankful that he has a fun spirit, a generous heart, and a gentle way of loving me and our family. In my darkest moment over the weekend after one of the older boys broke one of Joseph's new toys before he could even play with it, I was frustrated and whiny. I asked my husband, while alone in bed before getting up for the day, "Don't you ever get tired of raising three kids?" I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth . . . at all. I still feel rotten about it. Yet, it was my husband's response that really chastised me "We would have been doing it anyway." My heart shattered in brokenness at my stingy heart. I would have given everything to be able to raise these three boys, and still would, but in that moment I failed to live up to my vocation and I think it will haunt me for a long time. I have learned that that moment was necessage, painful but necessary to refocus my determination to ready myself, my husband, and these boys for Heaven. Ready our hearts to welcome the Christ child. Yes, I am readying my heart for the Christ Child and readying my heart to accept any and all children tat God places under our roof, under our mantle of protection, and under our guiding hearts. Please God, have mercy on me a sinner. Amen.

A Duckie Good Time

Joseph's 1st birthday party was smashing hit! It turned out to be so much fun (and exhausting) that I think it will be a wonderful memory for nearly everyone who graced our home with their presence. There were Rubber Duckies Galore and he adored each and every one on them. There were three rubber duckies on his cake in a small pond (made of pure sugar) that he helped to devous and it gave him a glorious 'blue glow'! Then nearly everyone added a duck to their gift or had gifts for him that included ducks that he was just estatic!

Our gift to him was the balloons! He loved, loved, loved the balloons. He was in the van with the guys when I came our of the party store and when he saw me he just went "ahhhhhhhh" with the BIGGEST smiles on his face. That could easily be my favorite expression of his from the day ;)

All of our family and friends that were able to come enjoyed themselves and if you can imagine, we had 26 people here in our very tiny home. 26!!! I still cannot believe that and they all got along so well and just cut up and laughed at all the kiddos!

The day just felt very normal for me, but in all honesty, it felt as though I were living in one of my very best dream. The night before his party, I cried and cried and just told God "Your ways and dreams for me are just so much better than I could have EVER come up with on my own. I have the very best husband in the world and his faith led us to our miracle boy! Praise the Lord!

It took us awhile (ok, just me) to recover from that kind of party. I can see why people would rather rent a place or go to a restaurant, it was nuts trying to just get the house clean. I know, my house should be clean enough for guests all the time, but the with a husband, two teenage boys, and a very active, cabinet destroying 1 year old our home's main living areas are not even clean enough to me! Case in point, when I put the toys away before the party, he dumped them 12 times before he realized no matter what would do they were staying in the basket!!

The pictures are not in order, but this one I love! He was reaching out to his Momo Peggy!