Lions, Tigers, & Bears oh MY!

I  might as well be living at the zoo!

 

Easter came and now I feel like I am just now being nailed to the cross but reminded that the resurrection always arrives on time.

The older boys saw their mom the day before Easter and it took them awhile to begin to really act out and last night was the worst.  I actually had to tell them that actions speak louder than words and that if things did not change with their choices of behavior we will have to find them a new place to live.  Only one threw the  fit but the older one suffered the consequences too when I had to correct them.  I have tried to create an 'unconditional' home environment for them but I guess in reality I cannot do that with their history, with wanting to grow our family, and keep Joseph in a safe and peaceful environment.  This had Jessy and I sick all night long because we don't want them to go away but it is their call to make at this time and what a huge responsibility for two immature teenagers.  There is no one else that wants them, it is a dire situation.  God wants them safe and to have a future, we are simply trying to be his hands and feet at this time but it is very difficult.

Our Easter morning looked promising, Joseph seemed happy with his basket but before we could get back from church he was running a mild fever which took a huge spike north shortly thereafter.  He was miserable all day and we just hung out at home, had a nice dinner, & watched movies.  He even fell asleep on my lap because he just couldn't go anymore.  His temperature spiked to 103 during the night and he was just worn smooth out from feeling bad.  So the next morning I had to bring him to the doctor and it showed that the recent ear infection we treated already with a 10 day AB treatment, then a 3 day AB treatment was just not getting any better and his eardrums were still red and bulging.  This child only had one ear infection his whole first year and then this ugly one will not go away.  She wants us to go see her again tomorrow for a f/u and then determine if we need to administer tubes.  Part of me suspects that he always had some underlying ear issues (possible fluid not seen) because I used to bring him in all the time because of signs he would show me of ear discomfort but there was never anything seen.  I have also began to worry more because I got a sense that he was not hearing our sounds well enough to repeat them well as he will talk up a storm and still only say the main words he said three months ago on a consistent basis.  I was not going to jump to conclusions but the first two days on his second round of antibiotics (which ultimately did not work) he began repeating our words very clearly!  Hard words like "Tickle" and "Babineaux"! 

Deep breath . . . .

I am feeling massively overwhelmed and just really need some respite from the worry!

The anxiety is not helping my already screwed up ladyparts.  I have run out of stickers and supposed to sends charts to Dr H but I can barely seem to make time for bill paying much less ordering stickers/charts!  I need a new teacher to help me get t
in order and motivate me.  My cycle is messed up and all I can thing about is getting a nice cold coke and drinking it in quiet, alone while either watching HGTV or NO TV!!! 

If you can spare a few prayers, our family would really appreciate them!

In collecting my thoughts before bed last night I mumbled to myself “Why am I putting so many others ahead of my own needs & feelings (even wants)?”  Yes, as a Mom ( a new one at that with teenagers and a toddler) you would think that the selfishness would naturally be rooted out and it is S-L-o-W-L-Y.  Yet, immediately I KNEW what God was asking of me and I could 100% relate to that moment on the cross when Jesus asked his Father to forgive them, they know not what they are doing.   Jesus put us and our needs ahead of his own comfort, wishes, and wants.  I do aim to be like Jesus so as to prepare my soul for Heaven so who am I to whimper when the crosses come, when I fall underneath their weight, when I realize that this cross is necessary and purifying and overwhelmingly annoying!

God will lead me and my husband to care for this boys as He wills.  He will not ask us to forget our primary duties though.  Necessary is not always easy.  And loving takes on many faces.

Oh, one other thing I forgot to mention, Joseph is cutting at least 4 teeth right now on just one side!  He won’t even let me feel the other side and thankfully he is eating again.  On all I could do was get fluids in him and pretty much the same for the next day, but he ate the last two days pretty well!  Yesterday he was full of diarrhea and then developed a very nasty rash!  Poor child, I am hoping it will heal soon and we are treating it as best we can.  I don’t know if it was a reaction to medication (shot), I suspect it was so I think we are past the worst of it.  He had no poopy diapers today so I am hoping that helps the rash heal even faster.

Update on the older boys, they tried really hard to monitor their behavior today.  Still not where we need to be but I think some of it has to do with timing for medication and recent visit with a negative mom.  Still a work in progress!