Well, overall, life has been very busy, but manageable. We will be making a trip to New Orleans this week for a second closing on Road Home money being given to us because of Hurricane Rita. I tell you one storm that has caused so much havoc over 3 ½ years ago is still being brought to the surface for us. We really had to fight to get any of the Federal dollars allocated to LA families who lost their homes or had severely damaged homes from Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. We just had our first meeting to close just days before Hurricanes Gustav and Ike barreled LA and then Texas in 2008. Both storms came within days of each other, so once we returned home from evacuating for Gustav (Gov. Bobby Jindal made a mandatory evacuation effective in a lot of LA parishes making it the largest evacuation for LA) we were planning our next evacuation for Ike. Throw in a mother who just found out she had cancer, a major surgery in Omaha on the Monday following Ike’s landfall and having no one to take care of Daisy (our cat), we just packed up as many people as would fit in our Trailblazer, along with the cat, of course, and made our way to the closest available hotel. One in Little Rock, AR. My in-laws followed us and we got them a room too. So do you think I was stressed for my second surgery? In a real way, I don’t feel like I was bc I was so ready to get it done and to feel better once and for all.
Here I am today, on cd 5, and since my cd 1 was on Sat. I had to wait until Monday to speak with the nurse from PPVI. She called back on Monday and said she will talk with the doctor for his plans and get back with me on Tuesday. Tuesday was a crazy day for me at work and I have to work nearly 12 ½ hours, greet and help with an Lenten Evening of Reflection on GRIEF!! Right up my alley. We had about 80 people from all over the diocese that came in. It was really nice to hug strangers and show Christ’s love to them when they shared with me intimate stories about those loved ones they missed. Well, anyway, back to cycle news. I get a phone call in the middle of getting everything ready for my cycle review. Overall, the doctor is pleased with my progress. It turned out my peak day was day 25. Really late, but it has been around this time since I started the vit b6 and fertile cm. The nurse then told me that the doctor wants to continue me on all of the same meds, but that he does wish to add one more. He wants to start me on clomid 50 mg and I had to start taking it today. It was cd 4 and they usually want us to start it on cd3-7, but this time I need to do it cd 4-8. Ok, so at first I am petrified and then excited. Talk about a full range of emotions. I call my husband and he is fired up that it looks like we might actually have a shot. Then I read reviews of the meds and got both petrified and excited once again. Well, I took my first pill last night and did not sleep great. I woke up at 345 am restless and uncomfortable, hot then cold. I don’t really know what to expect, but I will say that I am hopeful. Here is the other kicker, though, I finally managed to plan a retreat for myself at a wonderful retreat center on mon-wed of holy week. Then I will be off for Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Easter Sunday, and Easter Monday. I am just hoping that my peak day does not come so much earlier that I am not at home with my hubby on that day of opportunity. Oh, well, all of this is so humbling.
God shall me give me the grace to know that he will unite J and I on the right day and allow our love for one another and for Him to grow into a brand new soul. I shall not worry that I will miss an opportunity. God is calling me to his side for retreat and I will go willingly and with a full heart fully expecting the best he has in store for me. There is always time before and after my retreat to ask God to plant new life within my womb.
Hey, the best part about the last minute road trip is that we get to stay in Baton Rouge for a few nights and will get to see some of my best friends and their family. Our little godson is now 7 mo. old and we have not seen him since January. I can’t wait. They have two little girls who we love so much and love to spoil so it will be a fun time. I was talking to their mom today and just talking about us going got little mal so excited. She is so ready to tell me herself that she is now wearing big girl panties. I tell you, these little girls and G, our godson, love J so much they almost never leave his lap when we are around, so we are looking forward to visiting. They are such an amazing catholic family, they are a source of inspiration for me. I am glad they have adopted us as their Aunt C and Uncle J. What a blessing and what a blessing it will be to be around such beautiful souls this weekend! Can you tell how excited I am???
God’s greatest blessings to you all!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Scripture and Cycle News
Yesterday I was working on preparing a prayer service for something that will be on the eve of the Feast of the Annunciation and as I was typing the scriptures down for the hand out, these words jumped out at me: The Lord raises the needy from the dust, lifts the poor from the ash heap, Seats them with princes, the princes of the people. Gives the childless wife a home, the joyful mother of children." (Psalm 1137-9)
This scripture brought tears to my eyes. First of all, just that morning I had take begged God to bring me my period bc I just could not handle if my body reverted back to doing completely abnormal things. I felt like I just could not deal with that in the midst of another negative pregnancy test. I knew that I could handle the not being pregnant yet this cycle, but I really needed to have a new beginning with a new cycle. Well, God did answer my prayers this morning. I was so relieved. What a turnaround???? I cannot even imagine the difference or transformation of different reactions to cd1.
Part of this plea to God was because when I sent in my temps and pulses to Dr. H on Wed. and then I sent in my chart bc I still was having odd mucus patterns and it was completely different from any other cycle I have ever had. The nurse could not give me any encouragement and just told me to wait and see. I asked her if she could give me any ideas what is going on and she literally said "No, I cannot give you any encouragement right now bc we just need to wait and see what happens. Call us if you go past cd 35." Yesterday was cd 35. Can you see why I was pleading with God to let me start a new cycle.
Anyway, this scripture just sent me in an almost downward spiral. Then I immediately took a break and went and sat with Jesus in the adoration chapel for a few minutes. My heart eventually calmed down quickly. I only had a 15 min break, so I was thankful.
Praying for all of us on this journey of transformation from being childless wives into the joyful mothers of children!!!
This scripture brought tears to my eyes. First of all, just that morning I had take begged God to bring me my period bc I just could not handle if my body reverted back to doing completely abnormal things. I felt like I just could not deal with that in the midst of another negative pregnancy test. I knew that I could handle the not being pregnant yet this cycle, but I really needed to have a new beginning with a new cycle. Well, God did answer my prayers this morning. I was so relieved. What a turnaround???? I cannot even imagine the difference or transformation of different reactions to cd1.
Part of this plea to God was because when I sent in my temps and pulses to Dr. H on Wed. and then I sent in my chart bc I still was having odd mucus patterns and it was completely different from any other cycle I have ever had. The nurse could not give me any encouragement and just told me to wait and see. I asked her if she could give me any ideas what is going on and she literally said "No, I cannot give you any encouragement right now bc we just need to wait and see what happens. Call us if you go past cd 35." Yesterday was cd 35. Can you see why I was pleading with God to let me start a new cycle.
Anyway, this scripture just sent me in an almost downward spiral. Then I immediately took a break and went and sat with Jesus in the adoration chapel for a few minutes. My heart eventually calmed down quickly. I only had a 15 min break, so I was thankful.
Praying for all of us on this journey of transformation from being childless wives into the joyful mothers of children!!!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Suffering
Today has been just little reminders that I am in the hand of God. First thing this morning when I walk into my office. I am always the first to arrive, there is a huge bouquet of roses in all colors on the table right across from my desk. Now, last Thurday, I specifically asked St. Therese to send me a rose as a message of love and there are at least 20 in every color right across from me. They are not mine to claim, but their presence is an answer to prayer.
I did not sleep well last night, I don't know what was going on in my belly, but it was cramping almost all night long and not really pms kind of cramps. I keep thinking it was just gas, plus I am having more acid reflux stuff going on and I don't know what it all means. None of this is a real problem, just different for me.
Anyway the reason I wanted to post right now is becasue I was given a beautiful poem today about suffering and it spoke so well to my heart that I really felt called to share it. A dear friend who sometimes volunteers at my job told me she was going to do a talk on the 'Transmission of Suffering' and I asked her when she can come talk to me about it. I just knew she had wisdom to share with me and instead she gave me a copy of this poem that she said summed up what the overall message of her talk would be. It is amazing, so be blessed.
Mother Wisdom Speaks
Some of you I will hollow out.
I will make You a Cave.
I will carve You so deep the stars will shine in Your darkness.
You will be a bowl
You will be a cup in the rock collecting rain.
I will hollow You, not to make You clean; You are clean already.
I will do this because the world needs the hollowness of You.
I will do this for the space that You will be.
I will do this because You must be large, a passage.
People will find their way through You;
A bowl - people will eat from You, and their hunger will not weaken them to death.
A bowl to catch Sacred rain.
My daughter, do not cry.
Do not be afraid.
Nothing you need will be lost.
I am shaping You, making You ready.
Light will flow in your hollowing.
You will be filled with light, and Your bones will shine.
The round open center of You will be radiant.
I will call You Brilliant One.
I will call You daughter who is wide.
I will call You transformed - Mine.
by Christine Webber
*******
A Prayer for Insight into Suffering
Lord, my God, Incomprehensible One,
Your sacrament of suffering,
the mystery of pain,
is an integral part of my life.
I have at times been offered the cup of bitterness
so that I may share in the sorrow
that was freely embraced by Your Son, Jesus,
and so that I may help to heal
the sickness that plagues our planet.
I thank You for opportunities to explore,
with those around me and with all the world,
the profound puzzle of pain.
May I seek only the fullness of life
and not reject the element of pain
inherent in all growth
and essential in each search for wholeness.
As a disciple of Christ,
I will follow in the footsteps
of a suffering savior,
asking that this pain
have special meaning for me
and for all the earth.
Blessed are You, Lord my God,
who shares pain and suffering
as part of the mystery of life.
Amen.
I did not sleep well last night, I don't know what was going on in my belly, but it was cramping almost all night long and not really pms kind of cramps. I keep thinking it was just gas, plus I am having more acid reflux stuff going on and I don't know what it all means. None of this is a real problem, just different for me.
Anyway the reason I wanted to post right now is becasue I was given a beautiful poem today about suffering and it spoke so well to my heart that I really felt called to share it. A dear friend who sometimes volunteers at my job told me she was going to do a talk on the 'Transmission of Suffering' and I asked her when she can come talk to me about it. I just knew she had wisdom to share with me and instead she gave me a copy of this poem that she said summed up what the overall message of her talk would be. It is amazing, so be blessed.
Mother Wisdom Speaks
Some of you I will hollow out.
I will make You a Cave.
I will carve You so deep the stars will shine in Your darkness.
You will be a bowl
You will be a cup in the rock collecting rain.
I will hollow You, not to make You clean; You are clean already.
I will do this because the world needs the hollowness of You.
I will do this for the space that You will be.
I will do this because You must be large, a passage.
People will find their way through You;
A bowl - people will eat from You, and their hunger will not weaken them to death.
A bowl to catch Sacred rain.
My daughter, do not cry.
Do not be afraid.
Nothing you need will be lost.
I am shaping You, making You ready.
Light will flow in your hollowing.
You will be filled with light, and Your bones will shine.
The round open center of You will be radiant.
I will call You Brilliant One.
I will call You daughter who is wide.
I will call You transformed - Mine.
by Christine Webber
*******
A Prayer for Insight into Suffering
Lord, my God, Incomprehensible One,
Your sacrament of suffering,
the mystery of pain,
is an integral part of my life.
I have at times been offered the cup of bitterness
so that I may share in the sorrow
that was freely embraced by Your Son, Jesus,
and so that I may help to heal
the sickness that plagues our planet.
I thank You for opportunities to explore,
with those around me and with all the world,
the profound puzzle of pain.
May I seek only the fullness of life
and not reject the element of pain
inherent in all growth
and essential in each search for wholeness.
As a disciple of Christ,
I will follow in the footsteps
of a suffering savior,
asking that this pain
have special meaning for me
and for all the earth.
Blessed are You, Lord my God,
who shares pain and suffering
as part of the mystery of life.
Amen.
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