It's Friday!!

I am so glad today is finally friday. This week has actually been a little better because I am not staying as tired as I usually am. I have been faithfully taking my Re.liv shakes in the am and pm and I see some subtle results. For example, I am no longer punching the snooze 3 times. Yesterday I came home and cleaned my house and did four loads of laundry so that I would not have to worry about my house this weekend. In fact this weekend I am going to be able to get my hair cut. It has been way too long and almost 6 months since my last cut. Then I am going to meet my best friend for lunch where we usually end up talking for a couple hours. I am always so revived after having some time with my friends.
Well, I am off to get ready for work. Hope you all have a blessed weekend.
Oh, by the way, since I was having such a hard time praying I decided just to go sit in the chapel yesterday for lunch and it helped tremendously just to sit there in the presence of Jesus. I recognized that I can relate better to the broken, suffering Jesus on the cross than I can relate to God right now. This was comforting to be reminded that even Jesus wanted to avoid the cup of suffering, but embraced it because of great love for us and His father. Not that different at all. I even had a little chat with my spiritual director that let me name some of the feelings I had been having and this was truly a gift at this point.

Good news & Sample of comments

Just a few pics. The lizard was on my plant on our porch and the other two are of our growing Baylie. In one of them it looks like I am choking her, but I swear I was not. I am holidng her under her belly.

First of all! Congrats SEW! Your little one is going to have the cutest clothes and the best parents! Still thanking God for bringing new life into your family!
Prayers continue for you, your DH, and your baby!
**
I have been around reading the blogs but not able to have enough energy to comment. For most of the week, I was recovering from hurting my left arm/elbow this weekend and I am left handed so this was driving me nuts. I had a hard time typing too. This week has been flying by and I am just numb to the comments that are said to me these days.
Here goes:
(1) "You and J should just adopt a baby . . .then you will get pregnant I am sure. You will get pregnant three times! I am so sure of it." This actually came from a dear nun who is dying and has been praying for us. The problem is I did not even share our terrible ordeal bc of hearing she is now on hospice. The comment was said in a loving way, but it just hurt.
(2) "You are losing weight . . .your belly is getting flat!" Once again, this was meant as a compliment, but it just reminded me that I never got to watch my belly grow because of a growing baby."
(3) "Sorry about your loss, but at least you know you CAN get pregnant." As usual, that was meant to be encouraging. Just fell slightly short of encouraging.

Overall, I am tired of grieving. I am tired of not getting my way. I am tired of having to carry this heavy cross. Yet, I believe that good things are coming our way! I am having a hard time praying. I am having a hard time finding comfort in knowing that God can do all things but still let my heart suffer. I know that this too will pass, so I will keep my chin up and wait for the sun to shine on my face once again.
On tuesday, 7/21, I will have my phone consultation with Dr. Hilgers and I am struggling to come up with intelligent questions. I am trying to not focus on blaming, but focus on a new plan of action. Thank you for all of the prayers you all are saying on our behalf. My heart thanks you and I am so grateful. I am lifting you all up in prayers. It is easier to pray for you all, rather than for myself.

On the bandwagon!

Just a quick update to say that today is better. I only had tears once today. That is major improvement.
I am also wanting to quickly share that I have got on the bandwagon by starting with Reliv. I am so excited. My friend and her mom are both distrutors and J and I signed up last night too. J and I had our first shake last night, yum. I had one this morning, J did not. His loss. I find that I am not drowsy today. I ate less for lunch and had more vegetables than usual and I am satisfied. Good thinngs are gonna happen! My mom bought me a plaque with that saying and I keep reminding myself of that.
Blessings to you all and thank you so much for your prayers and support. I am in such awe that I have this support system of the most amazing women I know. I am thankful to God every day for you all and that God led me to find friendship and encouragement here! Who'd thunk it???