Charting Slacker!!!

I hate to admit this but I have not charted since day cd 24 and it is now cd 29. Now, I lost my stickers. You might wonder how in the heck I did this. It is simple. I put my charts in my bag that I bring to work so that I could use them to look at when I talked to the nurse. The reason I had to call the nurse on cd 25 was because I was still having signs of fertile cm and I had quit taking the fertile cm meds on the day 22 bc I thought the meds were making my body produce too much cm and I wondered if I missed my peak day. So then when the nurse and I finally connected over the phone, the imput she gave me was not so helpful. I explained that I had been having peak type mucus from cd 12 to the day I was talking with her. I explained about stopping the fertile cm meds to see if it would change and all she was "We will see what happens. Since you were unable to pinpoint the right peak day, you won't be able to use the hcg injections or do a blood draw." That was it. "Just wait and see." I was a little disappointed in the response I got. I thought they could tell me why I had such a long mucus patch. After that, I just kept putting of charting and just brought the charts home and left them out and I can't find the stickers to catch up. By the way, there were times in the cycle I would think that I would have a peak day and be able to use a green baby sticker for the next day to bring me another white baby stamp. Anyway, so that is where I am cycle wise. I kept getting moments of feeling crampy and then it passes. No signs of AF yet, but it is only day 29 and I don't know what my body will do without the hcg. I am not sad, I just wish that a new cycle would start so that I can have a new beginning and have a game plan for what to do. I know that I read that others take the vitamin b6 extended release on only certain days of their cycle and I was instructed to take it daily. I don't mean to sound unfaithful, but I don't really feel any signs of being pregnant. Although it would be pretty amazing. I will be okay if it is not time yet. I told my dh a few days ago that I will try very hard not to break down this month. I will not. Maybe if I keep giving myself these pep talks it will WORK!!!
Anyway, overall things are going well in my life right now. We did our marathon shopping at sam.s and walmar.t supercenter. The walton family got a pretty big portion of our paycheck this week. I have not been feeling like stopping at the grocery store during the week, so we got really low on a lots of things.
Last week I got a few medals from a local catholic bookstore the other day (they were only fifty cents each) and I had them blessed and I plan to wear a different one each day. I don't wear a lot of jewelry anymore so I attached them to some ribbon and plan to just wear them in a modest way where I am the only one who knows I am wearing them. I have one of St. Anne, Our Lady of Guadalupe, The Infant Jesus, and the Holy Family. I gave my husband the St. Joseph medal. He was excited about it. He has been so very kind to me lately and made me a delicious dinner. I do have one of the sweetest husband. Everyone keeps talking about reaping the benefits of being a surrendered wife. I must tell you that my hubby was a little shocked when I made a point to stop pointing him in the righ direction (e.g. being bossy) and so far it seems to be bringing me some fruitful rewards :) I have tried the surrendered part with the finances and it is a work in progress. We will see. There are some other ideas I have been practicing that are working! I am sew glad sew shared it with me.
I am looking foward to mass tomorrow. I have been so renewed with the holy Eucharist lately and so many spiritual truths that I am just amazed at God's great love for me in the midst of carrying this cross.
On a funnier note, at wal.mart today I saw the cutest newborn dresses. The infant dept was right by the food section and I was so drawn to them. I told my husband "I want a baby. " No big revelation. I can't wait to be able to clothe my baby and have that beautiful baby scent on me all the time. I guess what got my mind going that way was because I spent some time with a dear friend of mine on Friday and her little girl who is 8 1/2 months old. Little Gianna was adopted at 2 days old. She was born nine months to the day of them turning in their profile/scrapbook to their agency. It was on St. Therese's feast day that my friend proclaimed that she was "officially expecting" and nine months later on July 1, little Gianna was born. After I let their house, I smelled like Gianna all afternoon. It was WONDERFUL!!! I think if must be the best smell in the world. My only other favorite smell is chrism oil that is used for the sacraments of initiation!!! That is a smell that lingers and I LOVE it.
Hope you all have a restful sunday! May God's greatest blessings find their way to you all!

bad day w/ update

today has been a bad day already, I really should have trusted my gut and called in sick. I hurt my right arm yesterday and it really hurts. I think it is only a muscle strained and it is a little better than yesterday, but I could barely dress myself for work today and then I really was very limited with what I did with my hair. I can't comfortably lift my arm us above my head.
Then I took a different route to work today because yesterdays route had major delays and road closures. This new route takes longer, but I had enough time to do that and then grab a quick bite to eat bc I have not been grocery shopping since last week. No breakfast bc i got stuck behind not one, but two freakin tractors being escorted by state employees from dotd. When I caught the longest red light after finally moving pass these slow riders, I see that someone has finally used the safe haven law in my parish (county). A girl surrendered her six day old healthy baby boy to a local hospital and while I should be happy that this child is now safe. . . I lost all of my apetite and am angry that I can't be the one to love this little soul into new comfort. The child is now in care of the state and I remember about 20 months ago when J and I went in for our orientation, I asked if they ever have anyone use the safe haven law to surrender infants and they told me no. Well, today is the first day and I am just so sad and I do not want this child to grow up going from foster home to foster home. Pray with me that this little boy is placed with the family God intended him for. I know that there are some really great families waiting for a new soul to love and share their world with, so may God be so very gracious in providing for every need of this child and his new family. God bless this young girl who in her youthful widsom chose to not be selfish, but loving to this child.
Ok, things did improve for me soon after I posted this. I was able to go to a funeral mass for a dear priest friend whose sister died and I was the one chosen to represent our office for the day. I would have been honored to go, but unsure about who would fill in for me while I was gone. Good thing I dressed appropriately well today and it turned out my hair was not so pathetic. Well, although I went there to be a woman just of prayer for my friend who was giving the homily, I was so blessed by his words and just being able to recieve Jesus in the Eucharist today was a tremendous blessing!
Yesterday, as I was typing the readings for the mass today for him in large print, I was so blown away by the scripture that says "Death has lost it sting". Because God gave us Jesus and he conquered death, we have nothing to fear. Nothing!!!

You never know

I tell you what, if you want to run in to a room full of very pregnant women or women who just gave birth to perfect babies . . . just go with me to my annual at Dr. D's. It was so wildly outrageous, I just had to pray for peace. There were two women there with brand new newborns and at least 5 pregnant women surrounding me in the lobby. Not one other woman without a baby in her womb or in her arms. I share this with my husband and he tells me "well, he is a baby doctor." Honesty is not the best policy. Not around here today. I did have a fantastic time visiting with my friend and we had half poboys for lunch. It was a treat, but then my stomach revolted. I am got depressed after leaving my doctors appt so I went to see if there were any good movies, nope. So then I went clothes shopping and the clothes were just not my style, so then when all else fails get a chocolate ice cream cone with walnuts. That was quiet and reflective for me and I watched the birds as I relaxed. Then I went to rent some movies and made my way home. Oh well, God will give me the strength to go on.
I have had 10kl all day today with out the assistance of fertile cm.
Today is the first day, I just thought that I will be lucky to blessed with one child and to choose a home based on how many kids I may or may not have one day is not the right reaon to choose it or take it off the list. God I am listening, please reveal yourself to me.