First of all, I just want to thank you all for those very needed and encouraging words! I even read some of the comments to my husband and he had a sense of relief as well! I really panicked with the news about my blood levels, but my wise husband refused to worry. He just gently reminded me to go back and look at results from the previous blood draw. I did my first and only other blood draw in mid-January 2008 and my estrodoil and and progesterone were much lower at that time. My progesterone levels at that time was 0.68 and my estrodoil results were 2.2. So since my two surgeries, my progesterone level has multiplied 6xs and my estrodoil has tripled. This is not finite math, but it shows that there has been some improvement. At the time of the first blood draw, I was experiencing one of my cycles of having very irregular bleeding (I had been bleeding very heavy for over 40 days straight). So I am not real sure if this is the sole factor in explaining the change, but I just have to put my faith in the fact that the levels are at least starting to increase! I am now looking foward to hearing back from PPVI because I truly believe that God has a great purpose in all of this! It is so startling to me that my emotions can spiral out of control so quickly. Oh well, God is in this with me!
I am starting to feel a small amount of abdominal cramping and some other tell-tale signs that a new cycle is about to begin. It may sound really nuts, but I was really hoping to conceive this cycle. It was just such a strong urge and I think that these new developments really disappointed me. My husband and I had a really great heart to heart this evening and agreed that we really need to trust in the wisdom of Dr. Hilgers and not rush the healing process and that we should not count any time as "lost time" or "wasted time". This really made me feel free and at peace! Well, I am heading off get ready to go to sleep. I have been getting lots of sleep lately and I am loving it! I have been having some type of meeting, prayer group, or something of the sort lately every night for the last week and it is usually not so busy. As a youth minister, I used to tell my kids this quote that now seems meant for me. I will leave you all with this quote "If the devil can't make you bad, God will make you busy!"
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Struck Down!
I am a little sad and trying so hard not to be! I had my first P+7 blood draw yesterday for monitoring of my progesterone and estrodiol levels (not sure if spelling is right)! I then talked with Carol at PPVI this afternoon to talk about cycle reviews. She told me that they already had my results from yesterday's blood work!! What?? I just did it yesterday and it was just shipped with dry ice yesterday at the very earliest! She told me that the results were probably not what he wanted to see at this stage in the game. What a tremendous blow! I asked her what we could do about these concerns and she said that Dr. Hilgers will review it and get back to me. What I looked up on the internet showed this as a concern for early menopause! I really freaked out because I am just really being fully hopeful to being able to conceive new life and receive that great gift and responsibility from God. I find myself deeply praying for him to bring forth and knit a brand new life in my womb. Does anyone have any hope out there for me or could someone explain this to me? Keep in mind that the blood draw was on cd 24 and it revealed that my Progesterone level was 4.8 (which the nurse said that Dr. Hilgers likes to have it be at 13 or above) and my Estradiol level was 6.6 (which should be at 12 or above).
What am I supposed to do now. May God bless me indeed and be all that I need.
On a side note, I was tremendously blessed with great advent inspiration and was gently reminded last night that grief touches us all and if we can have the courage to wait for the light that will dispel the darkness, we will be able to be used by God in such a tremendous way! I will try to post more inspiration that I recieved last night at a later time. But a very dear nun that I know and that I have never shared my struggle with getting pregnant with, but she came up to me after the evening of recollection and told me that she has been praying for me to get pregnant! She said that she has a certain prayer that she wants my husband and I to pray daily that she has given to other couples over the years who have shared in our struggle. I am just fascinated that God revealed this to her and she is obediently praying for us! As you know, we can use all the prayers we can receive at this time!
What am I supposed to do now. May God bless me indeed and be all that I need.
On a side note, I was tremendously blessed with great advent inspiration and was gently reminded last night that grief touches us all and if we can have the courage to wait for the light that will dispel the darkness, we will be able to be used by God in such a tremendous way! I will try to post more inspiration that I recieved last night at a later time. But a very dear nun that I know and that I have never shared my struggle with getting pregnant with, but she came up to me after the evening of recollection and told me that she has been praying for me to get pregnant! She said that she has a certain prayer that she wants my husband and I to pray daily that she has given to other couples over the years who have shared in our struggle. I am just fascinated that God revealed this to her and she is obediently praying for us! As you know, we can use all the prayers we can receive at this time!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Feeling Sick
I am feeling a little sick today! I have trouble with allergies and sinuses! I took some tylenol today and it helped a little. The great thing is that when I made it home from work, my husband already had dinner cooked! Lucky me! I am just sitting in my recliner and trying to keep my eyes open. I had a crazy day at work and tomorrow will be much longer because we have our Advent Evening of Refection at our Retreat Center tommorrow and we are expecting at least 90 guests! Isn't it amazing that people are ready to center their their lives this advent. I told someone today my life is "ADVENT". I found this framed piece of art on Friday with a scripture qoute about hope and it reminded me that hope is born out of suffering. Suprise, suprise! Makes you wonder how much suffering one had to experience to reach their quota!
I am currently on cd 22 and I am starting to have all of my typical signs that alert me that this cycle is getting ready to come to a conclusion. What really gets me crazy is that alot of the symptoms could also be associated with a new pregnancy! It makes you get your hopes up and then you are let down. I am not trying to say that I am not hopeful, but I feel like I am just being realistic. I just keep telling myself that I am two cycles closer to my goal. Just 16 more to go! Ha!
On a side note, we babysat Gauge who is just five weeks old this weekend! He is a precious baby, but he was too young to be away from his mother overnight! He did really well with us, but we were completely exhausted by the time his parents picked him up on Sunday! He is a colicy baby and needs lots of love! We got a fast taste of just how challenging it will be to parent a new baby! He wakes easily and often and so we rested very little! God bless us! I was still able to funtion, but took a great sunday afternoon nap to make up for it! What an adventure parenthood will be once we make our way there!
I am currently on cd 22 and I am starting to have all of my typical signs that alert me that this cycle is getting ready to come to a conclusion. What really gets me crazy is that alot of the symptoms could also be associated with a new pregnancy! It makes you get your hopes up and then you are let down. I am not trying to say that I am not hopeful, but I feel like I am just being realistic. I just keep telling myself that I am two cycles closer to my goal. Just 16 more to go! Ha!
On a side note, we babysat Gauge who is just five weeks old this weekend! He is a precious baby, but he was too young to be away from his mother overnight! He did really well with us, but we were completely exhausted by the time his parents picked him up on Sunday! He is a colicy baby and needs lots of love! We got a fast taste of just how challenging it will be to parent a new baby! He wakes easily and often and so we rested very little! God bless us! I was still able to funtion, but took a great sunday afternoon nap to make up for it! What an adventure parenthood will be once we make our way there!
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